Dumbbells Page #3

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really simple for ya, buddy.

Either you're a cock block

or a Dumbbell.

You need to choose.

Jeez.

# Girl, don't be shy

# You can take a sneak peek

when I walk on by #

# Don't stare too long

# 'Cause the 12 inch python

just might bite #

# I steal your coin

# No shirts means I'm dressed to

please #

Hey, I'm a movie star.

Yeah, hey Momma, hey.

# The same as everybody

# I'm always at the club

# The life of every party

# I know you love my body

# The same as everybody

Hey, look who's here.

Good morning, Dumbbell.

So, check out

the new unis.

Not bad, huh?

You got here

three minutes late

so you get the sleeves.

So what do you think?

You don't waste any time.

Yup.

Dreams do come true.

Hey.

I'm glad you didn't pull

a LeBron on us, teammate.

That's me, go team.

Come on,

let's do this.

Day one of the rest

of your life.

# I do my thing

# Girl on the ground

when I do my thing #

# I'm at the gym all day

# Bet your boyfriend wouldn't

try to do the same #

# I walk around

struttin' my stuff #

# Short shorts for the ladies

trying to check my stuff #

# Yeah, baby, you can look

but you sure can't touch #

# You ain't ready for my lovin'

'cause I like it rough #

# I know you

want my body #

# The same as everybody

Small.

Thank you, Jack Guy.

Jesus.

Really?

Come on!

Who sweats this much?

F*** you,

f*** you.

# You should take a picture

'cause it lasts a lot longer #

# Longer, longer

Ah.

What sweating problem?

Ahhh.

Feels so good

to work out high.

What's up, Enrique l-gay-sius?

What are you doing in the gym

during serious training hour?

Filming a show, right?

Since when do you

wanna film the show?

Bobby, leave me alone.

Ah, I got it.

What are you, "Ah,

I getting it" about?

You wanna finger Jack's niece

under a blanket.

So, I guess you made up

with my uncle.

- Hi.

- Wow, you, you look...

...fit.

Okay, this is awkward.

Great compliment.

So, you're the Chris Long.

You didn't think I'd

figure it out, did ya?

I didn't really take you

for a basketball fan.

Wait, basketball?

No, I was, I was referring

to the fish.

Fish?

It was signed

"Chris Long"?

The painting.

Right, yes.

Duh.

Wow, I'm, I'm impressed.

I can't believe you were able

to read my signature,

most people tell me it just

looks like a C with a scar.

Good morning, everyone.

Welcome to

the Dumbbells experience.

But first I'd like us all

to give a big, warm,

Dumbbells welcome

to our very own

Dumbbell Girls.

I'd also like us to give

a big hand

to our very acclaimed director,

famous for his

award-winning short,

"I Think It's HPV"

Mr. Sterling LeBoef Jones.

So now we're gonna do

a little b-roll.

So please do me a fave,

just pair up, work out,

and, most importantly,

just mingle.

Pretend like

we're not even here.

Remember, it's all about

looking hot.

So don't sweat.

All right,

Dumbbells team out,

let's do this.

So we're partners,

right?

Yes, yes,

yes, we are.

Yeah, sorry.

That's cool.

I went to law school

for a few years

and then I thought to myself,

"Why the hell

am I doing this?

"I hate this."

So I quit.

But I discovered what I loved

which was psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy?

Yup, I'm gonna be

a therapist.

Really?

Yeah, really.

Why, you sound surprised.

No, it's just funny

because people

are always telling me

that I need therapy every day,

"You need therapy".

Great stuff, keep going,

I love the honesty.

Physical therapy, I mean.

And that is why

I work out here.

Let's go, Dumbbells!

Can you believe this sh*t?

Yeah, it's a total

exploitation of women.

I'm talking about Chris.

He's actually talking to her

as if she's a person.

So what I wanna know is

other than adorable fish,

what else do you paint?

Um...

I uh, I don't really paint

that much anymore.

You're good.

You should keep at it.

Are you drinking soda?

Are you out of

your f***ing mind?

I don't put that sh*t

in my body.

I'm downing some COC.

Cellular Oxygen Creatine.

A liquid formula that triples

my amino acid circulation

while quadrupling

my recovery time by five.

Plus, it tastes like cherries.

Woo!

Are we ready for

the exciting part of the show?

In a few minutes we'll begin

the athletic competitions

to determine

the King of the Gym.

Yes, yes!

I'm f***ing stoked!

But first, I'm very proud

to introduce

our very own

celebrity host.

Drum roll, please.

With great pleasure

I would like to introduce

the one, the only,

the fabulous Fabio!

# I'm sexy

# Who's sexy

# Who's sexier

# She got a mean cat

# But I got the eye

of a tiger #

# And I'ma go hunting

# We gonna be humping

like we on fire #

# Come on baby,

let's work it out #

# Let's bring this party

to the floor #

# She's sexy, sexy

# When she turns

it right on #

# She's sexy, sexy

# When she breaks it down

# She's sexy, sexy

# When she turns around,

turns around #

# Breaks it down

# Work it out,

work it out #

# Get your dumbbells girls,

spread it out #

# And get your workout on

# Get your dumbbells girl,

spread it out #

# And get your workout on

# Get your dumbbells girl,

spread it out #

# And get your workout on

Eric, listen,

I told you many time

I don't want to do

the reality TV show

with a Kardashian.

Beside, the only good

reality TV they make

is when they make porn.

You know what, Chris?

This, this is only

the beginning.

We're getting in

at the ground floor.

My goal is to be

the Coca Cola

of the film industry.

What?

The lights look great,

what are you talking about?

Don't tell me

it's not artistic.

I've got a show to run.

You ready, big guy?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, don't feel

like you have to do this,

all right?

'Cause I know my uncle can be

a bit overzealous.

Wow, well,

I appreciate that,

but I think I can handle

a little reality show

competition.

You know, Sigmund Freud

said

"The ego is not the master

in its own house."

I thought he said,

"The rhythm is gonna get ya."

Just be careful, all right?

Did she just imply

that I have an ego?

Little bit.

Okay, guys.

Let's have a good time,

let's have some fun,

but, most importantly,

don't f*** up my sh*t.

We can't do that.

It's television.

The girls have to wear

underwear.

Are you crazy?

A, E, I, O, U.

Ready, Fabs?

Oh, yeah,

just give me a minute.

F*** you, Seacrest,

it's Fabio's time.

Oh, hello, America.

Fabio here.

Welcome to Dumbbells 25/8.

Let's meet

our first contestant.

One is a wannabe actor,

and the other one

a washed-up hoops star.

They must remain

in their position

known as the breakdown stance.

Do not stop,

do not stand up.

Ready, and go.

Go go!

Come on.

You are delusional.

Don't be so emotional.

You're a f***...

f***... f***ing

Loser.

You're a loser.

You're delusional.

Wake up.

And the winner is

Dre.

Chris, you're a p*ssy.

You all right?

Fabio's kind of a dick, huh?

But don't beat yourself up,

I thought you did great in

there.

Right.

Look at the bright side.

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