Dumbbells Page #8

---

I want you to listen to me,

and I want you to listen well.

Your organization

owes my client

upwards of six million dollars.

American.

My client has suffered

from anxiety, depression,

erectile dysfunction...

I, I have that last problem

under control now.

And I will not stop until

justice has been upheld,

my bald friends.

What do ya got?

Are you dentists familiar

with the iPhone

audio recorder app?

Well, lucky for me my client was

during your little

routine kidnapping.

Do you remember that?

Behold evidence A.

No, no,

not the hair!

Anything but the hair,

no!

Goat, goat, goat, goat,

goat, goat, goat, goat...

Silence, Octaureans!

F*** this goat.

Yeah.

Oh, and uh, that is not

the only copy of that recording.

I got that sh*t

on my iCloud.

What's up?

So if you love bugs

try any funny business

I will have the FBI

and the CIA and TMZ

all over this place like

stink on baboon, my friend.

Six...

...thousand dollars.

Yeah, baby!

Take that to the bank,

dipshits!

Hey,

where you going?

Page 12, orange highlight,

unfinished business.

Jack, she's engaged.

Not anymore.

How's my hair look?

It looks fine.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah.

Let's just go back

to the gym, instead.

Are you not familiar

with Eckhart Tolle's book

"Power of Now"?

Carpe diem,

seize the day.

I'll speak to her

eventually.

You just took on

a whole cult.

You can talk to my niece.

What am I supposed to say?

I'll do all the talking,

relax.

Hey, Rach.

Uncle Jack, Chris,

what are you guys doing here?

Chris will explain everything.

Hey, guys.

Who wants to play

a little HORSE?

So, once again, I'm,

I'm really sorry that uh,

that I didn't respond to

any of your text messages.

That was, that was immature.

Well, look, I'm sorry.

For everything.

So we're both sorry.

I know, why don't we start over.

Hi.

I'm Chris.

I'm Rachel.

So who is Jack?

Oh, Tom Jones over there?

That's my sugar daddy.

I knew it!

Mhmm.

I cannot believe you thought

that when we first met.

I have a lot of deep

core rooted issues

stemming from

my childhood, mostly.

Eat it, chew it,

how does failure taste?

All right, well, I guess I

should get back to the kids.

But, thanks for stopping by.

Would you like to go out

sometime?

Chris.

You are a super,

super sweet guy

and you made me laugh,

but I just need time.

Of course.

Totally

I mean, I, I get it.

You just broke up

with your fianc,

you need some time.

Thanks.

Yeah, whore,

how does that feel?

It feels like the band

is back together.

Speaking of bands,

Jack's hair looks awesome.

I just hope Bon Jovi

has good news

because we couldn't find

anywhere that was hiring.

And we're saving up

for a Kia.

That's a great vehicle.

Rachel, perfect timing.

Wow, look who's brought

the Dumbbells uni, I like it.

Official.

I gotta rally the troops.

I'll see you in a little bit,

okay?

All right.

Wow.

Blonde is way better.

Yes.

Hey.

Thank you for coming.

I've gotta support

my uncle, right?

Right.

All right, everyone.

Let me just say uh,

it's fantastic

to see you all back

in uniform again.

I know we've had

some bumps in the road,

but uh, I hope you enjoyed

that little vacation of yours

'cause that's all it was,

'cause it's time to get down

to some work.

That's right, it's time to turn

the gym's business around

and take back control

of our lives.

And that's why we've come up

with a three part plan.

Todd, hand out

the binders.

Now when I escaped I knew

that I was gonna have to

face the Leader once more.

- Escaped?

- The Leader?

That's right.

I was in a cult

for 20 years.

Be strong.

But I'm not ashamed.

And I'm not hiding anymore.

In fact, not only

am I fighting back,

but I am taking

those mind sucking,

alien loving parasites down

and I won't stop

until I retrieve

every penny

of my $5,994,000

that they still owe me.

They will be begging me

for mercy.

Across the universe

the name Jack Guy

will cause fear in the hearts

of every Octaurean.

Bobby?

So you want us to help you

take down the cult

to get your money back

to save this gym.

No, no, not at all.

I was just venting.

It's a really important

part of the healing process.

My thera...

Um, guys.

I think what Jack

is trying to say is this.

After my injury I started

to act as if life

had robbed me of something

that I deserved.

That life owed me.

And I quit

on myself.

But I'm ready to

get back in the game.

I'm tired of sitting

on the sideline.

I wanna play some ball

and what I wanna know

is who is ready to play

some ball with me?

Bobby.

So, you want us to join

a basketball league, then?

No.

I think what Chris

and Jack are trying to say

is that if we

work together as a team

we can turn Dumbbells'

business around

and save everyone's job.

Oh.

I thought we were clear.

So here's the plan.

With the money we got

from the cult,

we'll throw

a promotional party.

But not just any party.

I'm talking a full on

Hollywood event.

When times are tough,

families pull together.

And say goodbye to working

for minimum wage.

That's right.

From now on everyone has

a piece of the company.

We are a team,

and there's no "l"

in "Dumbbells".

# And I just can't

wait till the day #

# When you knock on my door

# Now every time

I go for the mailbox #

# Gotta hold myself down

# 'Cause I just can't wait

till you write me #

# You're coming around

# I'm walking on sunshine,

wooah #

# I'm walking on sunshine,

woooah #

For every problem,

we crate the solution.

Even the bitchiest ones.

# I used to think

maybe you love me #

# Now I know

that it's true #

Turns out Fabio's

not a dick after all.

Good evening.

I'm looking for Ivana.

I'm, I'm Ivana.

Wow.

I didn't know you were

that beautiful

and so sexy.

Oh.

Would you like to go for

an evening ride?

Let's go.

Once he heard that Jack

got screwed

out of all his money,

he stepped up to the plate,

big time.

Let me help with that.

Oh yeah if you could

just get that right there.

Perfect.

Guys!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Shouldn't be on that ladder

at the same time.

See that big game

last night?

# Walking on sunshine

# I feel the love,

I feel the love #

# I feel the love

that's really real #

# I feel the love,

I feel the love #

# I feel the love

Hey, buddy, you made it.

How you doing, my friend?

Great to see you.

Hey.

Any bats in the cave?

You're clear.

Thanks, buddy.

You know, Chris.

I'm really glad you and I

teamed up.

It's like when Apollo Creed

and Rocky joined forces

to take on The Russian.

The Russian killed Apollo.

You better revert back

to your negativity, dipshit.

Holy "Valkyrie" on Blu-ray,

is that Tom Cruise?

Sometimes you just

gotta say

what the f***.

Make your move.

Woo, woo!

No, that is not Tom Cruise.

That is Tom Cruise.

You complete me.

I was a bartender

in the Philippines

and I watched "Cocktail"

every day for inspiration.

That is Tom Cruise.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes