Dumbbells Page #9

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You were a bartender

in the Philippines?

Sure.

Actually, it doesn't matter.

Perception is reality.

Hey, guys, a real live

Hollywood producer

just gave me his card.

Said I had a dynamic look,

wants to make me a star.

Awesome.

Congrats, buddy.

He reminds me of a young

Macaulay Culkin.

It's kinda crazy to think

that I wanted to quit

not even a month ago, huh?

Well, we all wanna quit

at one time or another.

Important thing is

to hang in there

because tomorrow always

brings another surprise.

Speaking of surprises,

I got this for ya.

Boom.

What's this?

I was able to salvage

the footage

from the reality show.

I edited it together,

added effects,

cool transitions, graphics,

the whole nine.

Wow, how'd you learn

to do that?

I was an art major.

How's it going, guys?

This party is the tits,

am I right, yeah?

The tit-tays.

It's Slutsville out there.

Is that a real place?

'Cause if it's not

I would move there.

Hey, you guys were the guys

from the bank.

Oh, my God, the loan.

Yeah.

Look, please accept

my deepest apologies, okay?

I really am sorry,

I'm just going through

some sh*t right now.

My kid's masturbating at school,

can't stop him,

how do you stop him?

His dick's there

all the time.

All right, I'm not gonna

bother with my hands.

They're gonna get dirty

in a second anyway.

Did you know we already have

42 new members?

Are any of them

rich men?

Crystal, don't be a slut.

Well, things are looking

pretty good right now,

huh, Todd?

You guys did a really good job

with this place.

My dad couldn't do this.

He said I suck,

he sucks.

Chris, Jack told me you have

a sweat problem.

I think this can help.

Wow, never thought

I'd say this, but,

thank you, Fabio,

you're a sweetheart.

You're welcome.

Hey, by the way.

What do you use in your hair,

it's spectacular.

Oh, that's simple.

P*ssy juice.

# I know you want me

just wanna show you all night #

# Baby, you're mine

All right.

Let's do this.

# Baby, you're mine

I am sorry to interrupt, Buzz,

but if I may cut in.

Well, I was just gonna

ask her to marry me,

but it wouldn't

have worked out.

Be happy.

How could you not

love that guy?

Let's see what you got.

Well.

Shall we?

Well, congratulations on

a very successful party.

You boys have come

a long way

and I am very proud.

Well, I have you to thank.

For what?

For everything.

Are you getting emotional on me?

I'm sorry, that's lame,

I know.

Are you kidding me?

What girl wouldn't love a man

who's in touch with his

emotions?

And I wanted to thank you

for respecting my boundaries.

I love...

...respecting your boundaries.

And look who got it

all on camera

you adorable lovebirds.

Thank you, Jack.

Chris, they're playing

your DVD on the projector.

Everybody loves it,

you gotta come check it out.

Oh, I gotta see this.

Come on.

Let's go.

Sorry for C-blocking you.

# I still got it,

I still got it #

# Yeah, still got it

# Still got that pop lockin',

panty droppin' #

# Smooth moves

in my pocket #

# Still got that look that

gets 'em hooked #

# Like a locket

off like a rocket #

# Being down like Kenny Powers

# Now I'm up like

the Trump Towers #

# And I'm back in town

ain't backing down #

# Won't stop till

I get that crown #

# I still got it,

I still got it #

# I still got it

# Still got that fire

burning hot like never before #

# Still got my heart beating

loud like four on the floor #

# Bottles poppin', fist pumpin'

and I'm ready for more #

# That's right

# Still got it, still got it,

I still got it #

# Still got that tiger blood

pumpin' fast through my veins #

# Six foot sammies

triple whammies #

# I ain't feelin' no pain

# Batter's up swingin' hard

'cause I'm still in the game #

# I still got it, still got it,

still got it #

Hey, Jack.

Bumbaloo,

nice to see ya.

Hey, Jack.

Fabio told us you were

having a party.

Yup, you guys having

some fun, huh?

Yeah, but unfortunately

we're in a big rush.

Our helicopter's picking us up

in five.

Oh, okay.

Is this roof flat?

Uh, yeah.

It doesn't matter.

Look, we're branching out

of Las Vegas,

we're producing

our own television,

and we were looking at

the footage over here

and thought that...

Premise rocks,

we love the name,

and that's some

fine ass b*tches here.

It's like "Sunset Tan"

in a gym

and not only could it be

a reality show,

but maybe we can

franchise this.

Let's talk on Monday,

we'll discuss the numbers.

Absolutely.

Okay, Jack.

Come on, b*tches.

We don't wanna keep

Obama waiting.

No, you definitely do not.

Dumbbells, Dumbbells,

Dumbbells, Dumbbells...

So I guess the vision

doesn't always manifest

exactly as you see it.

But Jack Guy sure was right.

Dreams do come true.

Oh, everything's gonna

be fine?

Everything's gonna

be fine?

Listen.

Do I look fine?

I am not fine.

I am very far from fine.

Take off that wig!

Goddammit!

Um...

Sorry.

How's the date going?

It is not a date.

Looks like a date

from over here.

It is not a date.

Just tell her

how you feel.

What the f***

is your problem?

So what's your sign?

You wanna go out after this,

get a penis colada?

I mean, pina colada.

You know what I meant.

Cut.

Hey, guys,

how's it going, huh?

How about this party?

Oh, my God,

I swear to God,

50% of those chicks can fit

their full fist in their mouth.

Sucks that one couldn't

get it back out,

but she's gonna be okay.

And, mark.

It was a bad day

for me, okay?

My dad's in town right now

and, you know,

he was a drinker.

He was a drinker growing up

and projectile vomiting,

constantly.

You know he actually

threw up once

while he was changing me,

right on my dick.

You remember that sh*t.

And do either of you

have a roofie?

The big blonde, seriously,

one or two?

I say two.

Bets, huh?

Sorry, I seriously can't.

Sorry.

Why?

Why, why, why, why,

why, why, why?

Tell me why, why, why,

why, why, why, why.

I'm up to 104 views.

That dramatic chipmunk

better watch out.

I'm gonna give it my nuts.

That little kid that said,

"Charlie bit my finger"

better watch out before I put

him in a f***ing microwave.

That sneezing panda better

watch its multicolored back

before I fist f*** it

with my nine.

Again, thanks for stopping by,

you have my card?

Yeah?

I mean, I ripped the number off

so you can't call me.

That Starbucks?

You know,

there's cheaper coffee, 7-11.

I'm a banker, okay?

I'm dead inside.

Smoked some more

of that kush.

I got so ripped I watched five

seasons of "Lost" in one day.

Yeah, that's impossible,

homey.

That's, like, 80 hours.

In one day.

Look, I got a show to do.

No, my ass is on the line.

You're working for me!

You know, you've got the IQ

of a croissant!

You know, I don't need this.

Ew.

Okay, go back to kissing me.

Cut.

People love that

you know.

It's like, nobody f***

with the Fabio, okay?

Have a good day.

Thanks.

"Titanic".

You still owe me

"Sleepless In Seattle".

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