Duplex Page #4
You know, for couples.
That is so thoughtful.
Thank you.
My card's inside "Ass Patrol,"
in case you need more.
Take it easy.
- Thanks for the party.
- Okay.
I got an award for this one.
She was supposed to be
at church.
You can't fire me
because you got maced.
Believe me.
I wish that's why
I was firing you.
Did you happen to see
the restaurant hot list?
Oh, my God.
So...
How's Mr. Peabody doing?
Alex?
Oh.
Oh, no, no, no.
You have to finish your book.
We need money. I got fired.
Yeah, I know.
I saw it.
Oh, you saw it.
Yeah. It's horrible.
My parents read this magazine.
Now they know my penis
is called Mr. Peabody.
It wasn't my fault.
She was calling me
when you were napping.
I wasn't napping,
for the 1,000th time!
Okay, maybe I took a nap
at one point.
When did napping
become against the law?
Honey, I can't work here. It's
impossible. I've been trying.
in the last six weeks.
Three pages.
The book is due on Wednesday.
If we don't hand in the book, I
don't know what we're gonna do.
We can't pay for anything.
The runners, the stools.
We can't pay for the
tangelo bowl you like.
We can't pay for your
little happy mug-vase thing.
Well, what if you
got out of the house
and went to write at, like,
a Starbucks or something?
And what? You're gonna stay here
and try to find work
while she has you running around
doing things for her?
Doing all the little errands,
the chores she asks you to do?
I don't think you could take it.
I mean, I love you,
but, honestly,
I've been there, and I don't
think you could take it.
I can take it.
I'll be fine.
Nancy?
- Hello, Mrs. Connelly.
- Nancy, dear.
I couldn't help noticing that
Alex left the house this morning
while you stayed home.
I was downsized from my job.
Aw, I'm sorry.
But I'm sure it's for the best.
Let Mr. Rose get out there
and bring home the bacon.
I always thought it was strange.
you were out there providing.
Well, he's a writer.
Writer.
The man naps more
than a newborn pup.
What's he writing about?
Sheep?
Is there something,
Mrs. Connelly?
there was something.
I've got something on display
in me kitchen.
That is not a mouse dropping.
It's a raisin.
That is the leavings
of a mouse.
It's a raisin.
I sprayed it with Lysol.
Ohh.
And she puts on this sweet face,
and she acts all innocent.
Nancy, could you help me?
I think I found
the leavings of a mouse.
As if she didn't know
it was a raisin.
I know.
I've never designed
religious leaflets, per se.
1:
00. Great, Rabbi.Thank you so much.
Nancy?
Okay.
Nancy?
Nancy?
Are you down there?
What is it, Mrs. Connelly?
Little Dickey's caught
in the dumbwaiter shaft.
Well, how did he get there?
Aaah!
Oh, don't hurt him.
Oh, ooh, Dickey boy.
Oh, careful.
Aah!
Shame on you.
Scaring a helpless,
little macaw like that.
Scaring a helpless,
little macaw like that.
This is not going well.
I told you she's a mean,
crafty old lady.
At this rate, I'm never gonna
finish the book in time.
Damn rent control.
I wish we could just
kick her out.
What if we tried
being nice to her?
Maybe we could get her a gift.
- A gift?
- Yeah.
And ask her if
she wouldn't mind leaving.
- We ask her?
- Yeah.
Just ask her?
Maybe it'll take
a little begging, but nicely.
Well, she might go for begging.
There's a chart that shows
what's inside of each chocolate.
That's all right, dear.
Mrs. Connelly,
let me come right to the point.
Alex and I are trying
to have a baby.
I saw.
In the living room.
Right.
The thing is,
when we do have our baby,
we're gonna need the upstairs.
I don't understand, dear.
We're willing to pay you
something.
You want me to leave?
Don't you think
you'd be more comfortable
with people who are more
in your demographic?
I'm Irish.
I'd sizzle up like a sausage.
Besides, this is my home.
Home.
The Emerald Isle, hmm?
Back to the old sod.
Well, now, there's a thought.
I haven't been back home
for 50 years.
Ooh.
A caramel.
So, about Ireland.
And you moving there.
Most likely
they have television now?
Oh.
Of course they do.
Yeah, color.
I've made up me mind.
I'll do...
Mrs. Connelly!
- She's choking!
- Oh, God!
- Mrs. Connelly.
- Do something!
Oh, God!
Ooh, Alex! Alex!
Come on!
Come on!
- Yeah, good.
- Come on!
Come on!
Whew!
Oh, my God!
Oh!
Clear!
Alex, what are you doing?
CPR!
Wait! Stop it!
Stop it!
Oh, God.
One, two, three, four, five.
Okay, give her mouth-to-mouth.
- Oh, no. Really?
- Yes. Yes, do it!
Okay.
No, you got to blow
in her mouth. Come on.
One breath, come on.
One, two, three, four, five.
Okay, again.
Okay, one breath.
That's it.
One, two, three, four, five.
Again!
Oh.
What are you doing?
You were choking on a chocolate.
You choked on a chocolate.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Go on, Mrs. Connelly.
The last thing I remember,
I ate one of their chocolates.
And when I woke up,
he was having his way.
And she was holding me down.
No, I was trying
to save her life.
for sniffing.
That's ridiculous.
She was choking on the
chocolate, so I did...
Shut up!
We keep a list of people like
you down here at the station.
The sexual predator list.
Sexual predator?
And to think
they want to have children.
We should've just let her choke.
Oh, I know.
What can I get you?
Listen, I got 12 hours
to finish this book.
I was wondering if I could
sit here and write all day.
- Be my guest.
- Thanks.
Nancy.
I was going to ring you.
I'm afraid there's a bit
of a problem up here.
I have to go on a job interview,
so I'll take care of it later.
Oh, that's okay.
I'll ring the rug man.
Good.
Knock it in.
Knock it in good.
I don't want to slip
and break me neck.
No, we wouldn't want that.
This is the problem area here.
Oh, go on, knock it in.
Yes!
Now, just knock it in.
Go on, knock.
Come on, use some elbow grease.
Aah!
Okay, I will.
You threw her down the stairs?
No.
But I imagined it.
And I liked it.
I'm evil.
I'm a horrible, horrible person.
Thank you.
Come on, she's practically
ruined our lives.
It's natural to have thoughts
like that.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I mean, I've even had a couple.
Aaaah!
Like what?
Just, you know,
snapping her neck
or electrocuting her.
You know,
just beating her to death,
decapitating her,
drowning her, just,
you know, bludgeoning her,
in a humane way, but...
Dicing her up
into little, little pieces.
But asphyxiating her first
so she didn't feel anything.
I'm glad you clarified that.
You're evil, too.
I'm finished.
That's what I am.
And it was incredible.
The last 60 pages
just poured out of me.
Let's open that really great
champagne and celebrate.
Alex?!
Alex?!
Nancy?!
Ooh!
Come quick.
A huge rat just ran
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"Duplex" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/duplex_7361>.
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