Earth Girls Are Easy Page #5

It's beautiful.

Sounds neat.

Is driving a ufo a good job?

Oh, yes.

Do you own your own home?

No water.

Come look.

Hi, guys.

Hope instant decaf is ok.

Breakfast is on the way.

I'm making pancakes

from scratch.

Yeah. Valerie, uh...

we can go home now.

Oh.

Gee...

that's great.

Wow.

I didn't think

it would be so soon.

Yeah.

That's, uh, that's really good.

Yeah. Uh, Valerie...

Well, I better go get that.

Pool man!

Hey, dudes, what's happening?

Woody.

What is this?

A spaceship?

Spaceship?

No way, Jos.

What is it?

A car.

That's why she wanted me

to drain it.

She drove her car

into the pool.

I'm always doing that.

Pretty rad car, though.

Where is it made?

Finland.

Finland. Finland.

Oh, I heard of that.

Ted, bringing that girl

here was inexcusable.

Now that I've slept on it,

I could probably forgive you,

But what about

calling off the wedding?

Sweetheart, I didn't mean that.

Marrying you is the most

important thing in the world.

I need you to take care of me.

I won't so much

as look at another woman,

Unless, of course,

I'm giving her

a physical examination.

A relationship is

like a porcelain nail...

You can break it,

you can glue it back together,

But it won't be

as strong as before

Unless the person's

committed and not bringing home nurses.

You should've seen me

today, man.

Nothing but radical rips

all the way in.

You want some slushy?

I was barely off my board

When the wahines

were all over me.

Ew! Wahines!

Wahines.

You know, girls.

Girls?

You know girls?

Does the woodburger know girls?

Pinocchio got a wooden butt?

I could fix you up

with some bodacious chicks

Just like that.

You don't believe me?

Like that.

Come on. Let's hit the beach.

Ride the wild bikinis!

We go get candy?

Candy, gum,

beer nuts, anything you want.

Twizzlers.

I got some milk duds.

You ought to lay off coffee.

It'll kill you in a day.

I will take you to zuma beach.

I need surprises.

I need romance.

How long has it been

Since you said

I love you, I need you,

I'm crazy about you?

Well, ted?

Get in the car, will you?

Wiploc.

Zeebo.

Zeebo going to zuma beach!

Zeebo!

Wiploc!

Hey, dudes,

I just remembered something.

What was it?

At the beach today,

They're having

a blond-Of-The-Month contest.

Blond?

Yeah, you know,

Blond beach bunnies,

Californias finest.

Because I'm blond

I don't have to think

I talk like a baby

and I never pay for drinks

don't have to worry

about getting a man

if I keep this blond

and I keep these tanned

'cause I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

I see people working

it just makes me giggle

'cause I don't have to work

I just have to jiggle

'cause I'm blond,

b-L-O-N-D

'cause I'm a blond

don't you wish

you were me?

I never learned to read

and I never learned to cook

why should I bother

when I look

like I look?

I know lots of people

are smarter than me

but I have this philosophy...

So what?

'cause I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

I see girls without dates

and I feel

so sorry for them

'cause whenever I'm around

all the men ignore them

'cause I'm blond,

nyah, nyah, nyah

'cause I'm a blond,

nyah, nyah, nyah

they say to make it

you need talent

and ambition

well, I got a TV show

and this was my audition

Um, what was it?

Ok, don't tell me.

Oh, yeah, ok.

"Duck, magnum, duck!"

'cause I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

I took an IQ test,

and I flunked it, of course

I can't spell "VW,"

but I got a Porsche

'cause I'm a blond

b-L-O-N-D

'cause I'm a blond

don't you wish

you were me?

I just want to say

that being chosen

as this month's miss august

is, like, a compliment

I'll remember

for as long as I can

right now, I'm a freshman

in my fourth year

at U.C.L.A.

but my goal is

to become a veterinarian

'cause I love children

'cause I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

'cause we're a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

girls think I'm snotty

and maybe it's true

with my hair and body

you would be, too

'cause I'm a blond,

b-L... i don't know

I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

yes, I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

'cause I'm a blond,

yeah, yeah, yeah

Hey, dudes.

Dudes, come on.

Snap out of it.

We're making a pit stop.

Bang! Bang!

Hello, Opie.

Bryan, come on over here!

Will you get

in this car right now?

Mom, he's got my gun!

I told you not to tell fibs!

Hey!

Leave home, kid!

Hey, dudes! Listen.

Since I'm springing

for the gas,

You pick up some brews

and some sandwich stuff.

Some brews

and some sandwich stuff.

Yeah. Like

bread and junk.

Ok, dudes?

Ok, dude.

Bread and junk.

Give us bread.

We need junk.

Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

I just work here.

I'm an American.

There. Take it.

Take it all.

Where is candy?

Candy? Oh!

Right here.

Take as much as you want.

Thank you.

Thank you too much.

Hey, troops!

Had to drain the lizard!

Be right with you.

What do I owe you?

Get down!

What?

Get down!

I was just held up.

They're out there.

They got guns!

Guns?

My buddies are out there.

Where are they?

That green wreck.

Excuse me.

Could you back up?

I need to get some unleaded.

Back up.

Aah!

That's my wagon!

Back up.

Cosmic

I was having

this out-Of-Body experience

of all these cosmic things

everywhere I went up there

they were shakin'

their cosmic things

like someone gave you

a wild goose

or a freight train

with a loose caboose

you better shake your

honey buns

shake your honey buns...

We are party Martians!

We are Mtv scum!

Shake that cosmic thing

shake that thing

shake it

shake

shake that thing

all night long

shake it fast,

you can't go wrong

don't let it rest

on the president's desk

rock the house

cosmic

woo, cosmic

cosmic, woo...

Hey!

That looks great!

Shake it

cosmic

Hey, guys!

Brunch is ready.

Come and get it.

Hey, Valerie.

It's woody.

Hi.

Listen, you know your friends?

Those Finland guys?

We were heading to the beach...

What? They're gone?

They're with you?

No. They were.

They kind of robbed

the mini mart

When I wasn't lookin',

Then they totaled

the gas station,

Then they ripped off my van!

I'm at the mini mart

down the street.

Toys 'r' us.

That's it?

You seen zeebo and wiploc?

I got water in here.

Maybe that's one of them.

Sure?

Not really.

Good enough for me.

So look...

Uh!

What's going on?

Woody!

What's happening?

I gotta go now, Valerie.

I'm gettin' my butt kicked.

Well, if you plan

to motor west

travel my way

take a highway

that's the best

and get your kicks

on route 66...

Aah!

Well, it winds

from Chicago to I.A.

more than 2,000 miles

all the way

get your kicks

on route 66

Wiploc!

Well, it goes

to St. Louis

down to Missouri

Oklahoma city,

it's oh, so pretty

you'll see

Amarillo

Gallup, New Mexico

flagstaff, Arizona,

don't forget winona

Kingman, Barstow,

San Bernadino

won't you get hip

to this timely tip?

Aah!

Aah!

And you'll take

that California trip

Oh!

Oh!

Get your kicks on route 66

You have the right

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