Eating Out: All You Can Eat Page #6

Look back.

- The dick sucking

principle should take effect

any second.

- Nah, I've seen guys

do this at the club.

They'll sit there for hours

and never say a word,

no matter how much

they like each other.

- Go do something.

- There's nothing I can do.

Except...

- What?

- Work my stripper magic.

- Stripper magic?

- When I see two guys

doing this at the club,

I'll get between them

and make them put their hands

all over me.

Then, I'll get out of the way

and they're so worked up

that they're

all over each other.

- You're like a stripper

Harriett Tubman.

- Exactly!

- Get to it Harriett,

the dogs are coming.

- Thank God,

can we leave now?

- You boys sit right there,

this party's

just getting started.

Let me show you

some classic stripper moves.

- What the f***

are you doing?

- You guys

are at full attention,

and Sergeant Ryan's here

to release it.

Now, both of you

make a wish and pull.

- You've got

to be kidding me.

- Well it is

kind of an ugly shirt.

- Totally generic.

- That's more like it.

Free.

Now, rip open

rigid Ryan's jeans.

- You're straight?

- We're just three dudes

having some fun.

Now pull.

- Are you hard?

- Maybe.

Are you?

Gotta get out of these pants.

There's never a sexy way

to get the jeans off.

- I don't know,

that's pretty...

- Sexy.

- Your turn.

- For what?

- For your free lesson

in exotic dancing,

it's an actual skill you know.

- I'm in.

- I'll watch.

- No looky-loos, come on.

Undo your shirts.

With more confidence.

A slow reveal.

Good.

Now, when you get

to the last button,

take your shirt at the collar

and slowly peel it off.

Good, that's hot.

- Yeah.

- Now, pull your pants off

like I did,

and lead forward,

like this.

Come on, we're in underwear.

Zack, come here, take a side.

- Well,

that was certainly fun.

- Now give me a lap dance.

- How's this?

- You dance

like a straight boy.

You need to move them

like this.

You're all thrust and no grind.

Casey, come here.

Put your hands here.

Feel this.

That's hot.

You know,

you guys make a hot couple.

Guys, I think I'm gonna...

- You're not

gonna go anywhere

when you're that hard.

- Oh yeah.

That's so hot.

- Oh my God,

that is so f***ing hot!

- F*** yeah,

work that p*ssy.

- And what do we have here?

Shew, get away.

- I don't do

the lesbian thing anymore.

- I knew

this was gonna happen.

- You did?

Get over here.

- What the...

- Ready for the Zack special?

Help me.

- Holy crap.

Oh yeah, I've never had

two months before, yeah,

one of you do the balls.

Oh my God!

- Why are you f***ing

with Zack?

- Technically

I'm watching them

f*** with Zack.

- I'm breaking up

that blow fest right now.

- Over my hot dead body.

- That's what

I was planning.

Oh!

Is that p*ssy juice?

- A thousand dollars worth.

Oh!

- Guys, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna...

I'm gonna...

Jesus Mary Jenna Jameson!

- I've never heard that

without anything

in my p*ssy before.

- Wow.

- Wow.

- Wow!

- You f***ing b*tch.

- Let me kick

that p*ssy again.

- Tandy?

- Tiffani?

- Sorry I'm late.

Woman things.

God, I miss that cock.

- Are you ok?

- Kill the b*tch.

- What the hell happened?

- I was trying

to protect you.

- I appreciate it

but it turns out

that everything's just fine.

Better than fine.

- What?

Are you life partners now?

- I think we're...

- Thanks to me and Ryan,

and Ryan's friend.

- Zack, I have

the perfect first date for us.

- Like your first date

with him?

You're just like everyone else.

F*** you!

- You're all a**holes.

- I miss how we f***.

- Rigid Ryan misses you too.

- Oh come on,

let's go suck the gay

out of your cock.

- I hate the Internet.

- You can use it

for things other than sex.

- Like what?

- Well,

maybe gay people can't.

- Speaking

of trolling for sex,

I can't believe

Casey just slept

with the first thing

that looked at him.

- Ugh, I hate him.

But in his defense,

you did sort of reject him.

- So?

- What did you do

when Lionel rejected you?

You trolled...

- Online for sex.

- I hate

that you're always right.

It's like Jesus is my fag hag.

Wait, sorry,

I know you don't like

being called...

- I'm dealing with it.

I'm your fag hag.

Not a fag hag.

Your fag hag.

- Thank you sweetie.

- But if I'm your fag hag,

then you're my gay b*tch.

- Gay b*tch

loves his fag hag.

- You better b*tch,

I got a black eye for you.

- Casey? Honey?

- I'm moving back home.

Can you drop me off

at the bus station

when I'm done packing?

- I thought you were

making new friends?

Don't you like it here?

The cheap rent,

the beautiful weather,

the abundance of gay ass.

- I turned everything

into a big wet mess.

- Oh honey,

it can't be that bad.

- It's horrible!

It's like 9/11 but with sex.

- Like a 69/11.

- You're horrible.

- Oh honey, come on.

I don't know what kind

of orgie-astic corfafel

you've gotten yourself

wrapped up in.

But I do know

that when you run

from your problems,

the location might change

but your problems

will be right there

waiting for you.

Only there

you won't have cheap rent

and this beautiful weather.

- What about

the abundance of gay ass?

- Honey,

you can find that anywhere.

Now come on,

tell your auntie Helen

all about your problem.

I promise you won't shock me.

- Ok, I pretended

to be Ryan to Zack online

but then Ryan showed up

and went out with Zack

to get back at Tiffani.

Anyway,

I think Zack realized

he liked me for who I am

and not the way Ryan looked

but he never told me.

So I f***ed Lionel

who was probably just

trying to get back at Zack,

and then Ryan got Zack and me

to give him a blowj*b

in order to get us together.

And it actually worked.

Until Zack got a videoclip

of me and Lionel doing it.

- So, Zack never told you

how he felt.

- Yeah.

- And you're just

gonna leave town

without giving him a chance to.

- You're not leaving town

you f*** tard.

We have a date

and I'm not running

that auction alone.

- The slut's right.

Don't p*ssy out

on the youth center

just because someone hurt

your dick's feelings.

- Love her.

Besides, when you run

from your problems,

the location may change...

- I already got that speech.

- Than what are

we waiting for,

cum boy,

we're gonna be late.

- Bah-bye.

- I smell an open bar.

- Get me anything

with a whiskey

and nothing else.

- Oh good, you came.

- Oh my God, I did.

- Zack, I...

- Here's the stuff

you need to say.

Don't bomb.

- What's a "ligabut?"

- That's LGBT.

- What's that?

- Jesus Christ,

I have to get you

to the green room.

- Zack, wait,

I came to apologize.

- Funny,

originally you said

you were coming

to support the gay community.

- You know the gay scene

isn't really my thing.

- You know

for someone who talks down

on the gay scene so much,

you really go out of your way

to represent the worst of it.

- Blowj*b for your thoughts?

- What do you want?

- Come on, all I did

was prove that the guy

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