Ed Wood Page #12

Ed shrugs. Feldman grins.

MR. FELDMAN

So what are you bringing me? Looks

like you got some film cans.

ED:

Well, Mr. Feldman, some people have

resumes to show. I've got my own

movie.

MR. FELDMAN

Really?! Well good for you.

ED:

I just made this picture, over at

Screen Classics. It opens next week.

MR. FELDMAN

Screen Classics? Hmm, don't know

them.

ED:

Nobody in town has seen it, so I'm

givin' you first crack at my talents.

MR. FELDMAN

I can't wait to take a look.

(he claps his hands)

So what's up next?

Ed leans in.

ED:

Well, Mr. Feldman, I don't believe

in thinking small. So I've got a

whole slate of pictures for you: "The

Vampire's Tomb," "The Ghoul Goes

West"... and "Doctor Acula"!

MR. FELDMAN

Doctor Acula? I don't get it.

ED:

Dr. Acula!

Ed writes it out, "DR. ACULA," then waves it in Feldman's face.

Feldman nods.

MR. FELDMAN

Oh, "Dr. Acula." I get it.

(beat)

I don't like it.

ED:

But Bela Lugosi's in it!

MR. FELDMAN

Lugosi's washed-up. What else you

got?

Ed grimaces. Lugosi was 90% of his pitch. He vamps.

ED:

Well... I've got another project I

wasn't gonna tell you about.

Lugosi's in it, but he's got a

smaller part. The lead is an

ingenue, a sterling young actress

named Dolores Fuller. The title is

"Bride Of The Atom."

MR. FELDMAN

Ah! Atomic Age stuff, huh? I like

it.

(he smiles)

I'll tell you what, Mr. Ward. Why

don't you leave those film cans, and

my associates and I will take a look

at your little opus. Maybe we can

do business together.

Ed is elated.

INT. STUDIO SCREENING ROOM - DAY

Feldman and his fellow SMARMY EXECUTIVES sit in a plush

screening room. They are viewing "Glen Or Glenda."

ON-SCREEN, Ed is in drag. A SOLEMN NARRATOR within the movie

speaks:

SOLEMN NARRATOR (V.O.)

"Give this man satin undies, a dress,

and a sweater... and he's the

happiest man in the world. He can

work better, think better, even play

better -- and be more of a credit to

his community and his government."

ANGLE ON THE EXECUTIVES

They are stupefied. Yikes!

EXECUTIVE #1

What the hell is this?!

EXECUTIVE #2

Is this an actual movie?!

EXECUTIVE #1

It can't be.

EXECUTIVE #2

It's f***in' ridiculous!

Feldman squints at the screen.

FELDMAN:

Wait a minute. That guy in the dress

-- he's the one I met with today!

This must be a big PUT-ON!

(he CHUCKLES)

It's probably another one of Billy

Wellman's practical jokes!

Everybody suddenly starts HOWLING with laughter.

CUT TO:

EXT. NEWSSTAND - DAY

Ed zooms up and chipperly jumps from his car. He buys a "Los

Angeles Herald-Express," eagerly opens it to the entertainment

pages... and then gets a confused look. Ed quickly starts

rifling through the pages -- something is wrong.

EXT. PHONE BOOTH - DAY

Ed angrily shouts into the phone.

ED:

Georgie, what happened?! I thought

"Glen Or Glenda" was opening next

week! Where's the ads?

An OLD-FASHIONED SPLIT SCREEN of Georgie on the phone appears.

GEORGIE:

(pissed-off)

"Where's the ads"?! The ads are in

Alabama, Indiana, and Missouri! You

schmuck, it ain't gonna play L.A.!

ED:

Why not??

GEORGIE:

Because I can't sell it to save my

life! You made a goddamn feathered

fish. Is it an art film, a horror

show, a hygiene flick? Nobody knows!

I'm beggin' people to book it.

ED:

(insulted)

Maybe it needs special handling.

GEORGIE:

Screw you, Wood! I even sunk more

money into different titles:

"Transvestite" "He Or She?" "I Led

Two Lives"... It DOESN'T MATTER!

Nobody wants to see the piece of

sh*t.

ED:

You can't talk that way about my

movie.

GEORGIE:

"Your movie"?! I wish it was your

movie! I wish I hadn't blown every

dime I ever made into this stinkbomb.

If I ever see you again, I'll kill

you!!!

Georgie SLAMS down the phone. His split screen WIPES off,

leaving Ed standing alone.

Ed stares at the phone, then quietly hangs it up.

CUT TO:

INT. OLYMPIC AUDITORIUM - NIGHT

WHAM! A WRESTLER throws another WRESTLER at the mat. The

crowd CHEERS raucously. We're at the Saturday Night Wrestling

Matches!

In the stands are Ed, Dolores, Bunny, and Bunny's new YOUNG

MALE "FRIEND." Seated around them are hollering truckers and

ex-Marines. Bunny giggles and nudges gloomy Ed.

BUNNY:

So guess where I'm going next

weekend?

ED:

I don't know. Where?

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