Ed Wood Page #13

BUNNY:

Mexico! And guess what I'm going to

do there?!

ED:

(not enjoying this game)

I dunno. Lie on the beach?

BUNNY:

WRONG! I'm getting my first series

of hormone shots! And once those

babies kick in, they're gonna remove

my organs, and MAKE ME A WOMAN!

Ed is astonished.

ED:

Jesus! Are you serious?

BUNNY:

Yes! I've dreamed of it for years,

but your movie made me realize I've

got to take action. GOODBYE, PENIS!

The truckers nearby stare. Dolores covers her face.

DOLORES:

Ssh! Will you keep it down?

The crowd suddenly ROARS and jumps up. A favorite wrestler has

entered the ring, massive TOR JOHNSON, 50. Tor is an

incredible sight: A bald, lumbering behemoth.

RING ANNOUNCER (amplified)

Now entering the ring, in the gold

trunks, 350 bone-crunching pounds of

pure strength, the "Swedish Angel"...

Tor Johnson!!!

The crowd goes apeshit. The stands are going to collapse from

the SHOUTING.

Ed's eyes are the size of saucers.

ED:

My God, look at that guy. He's a

mountain!

The bell RINGS. Tor quickly grabs his OPPONENT, a man in a

blue mask, and throws him at the ground. Then Tor jumps onto

his stomach, easily picks him up, and heaves him at the ropes.

People CHEER. Ed is flabbergasted.

ED:

I've never seen anything like him!

BUNNY:

And once I'm a woman, Jean-Claude and

I are getting married --

ED:

(eyes glued to the ring)

Ssh! He's so big! He's a monster!

Can you imagine what that guy would

be like in a movie?

ON TOR:

He screams maniacally in Swedish. Tor lifts the Opponent over

his head and tosses him into the stands. Three rows of chairs

get knocked over.

CUT TO:

EXT. WRESTLER'S BAR - NIGHT

A tiny miniature European car pulls up. Tor Johnson is

squeezed inside -- ludicrously oversized for this vehicle. Tor

carefully wedges himself out and enters the bar.

INT. WRESTLER'S BAR - SAME TIME

This rowdy bar is packed with burly WRESTLERS. Tor walks in,

and men cheerily yell out: "Hey, Tor!" "Hi, Tor!" Tor grins.

In person, he actually seems a jolly, outgoing fellow.

Ed waves from the corner

ED:

Mr. Johnson, over here!

Tor smiles and lumbers over

ED:

Glad you could fit me in your

schedule.

TOR:

(in a hoarse SWEDISH ACCENT)

Da pleasure be mine.

They shake hands. Ed's hands look like a baby's in Tor's giant

mitts.

Tor tries to sit in the booth. But he can't fit.

TOR:

Could we moovf to table?

ED:

Oh, of course!

Ed jumps up. They move to a large table. Now Tor is happy.

He starts shoveling beer nuts into his mouth.

ED:

So, Mr. Johnson --

TOR:

Tor!

ED:

Tor. Have you ever thought about

becoming an actor?

TOR:

(he CHUCKLES)

Mm, not good-lookink enough.

ED:

I think you're quite handsome.

TOR:

No. With hair, yah. But I must

shave head for wrestlink. It scare

da crowds. Dey like that.

Ed smiles.

ED:

Well, I think you'd be a sensation

in pictures.

TOR:

But what bout accent? Some people

tink I haf too much accent.

ED:

Nah, that doesn't matter! It's a

visual medium.

A WAITRESS saunters over.

WAITRESS:

Tor, what can I get ya?

TOR:

I'll haf eight beers.

WAITRESS:

(nonchalant, to Ed)

And you?

ED:

Uhh, I'll have just one.

She walks off. Tor shakes the now-empty nut bowl.

TOR:

And more nuts!

Ed tries to grab Tor's attention.

ED:

So anyway, I've got this new script,

"Bride Of The Atom," and there's a

part you're ideal for: "Lobo." He's

tough. A brute. But he has a heart

-- and at the end he saves the girl.

TOR:

(he laughs merrily)

I like. When do movie shoot?

ED:

Hopefully, very soon. I'm just

awaiting the final okay from Mr.

Feldman at MGM.

CUT TO:

INT. ED'S BEDROOM - LATE NIGHT

Ed and Dolores are asleep. Suddenly the phone RINGS. Ed

fumbles for it and groggily answers.

ED:

Wood Productions...

We hear Bela's weak VOICE.

BELA (on phone)

Eddie... help me...

ED:

Bela?

BELA (on phone)

Eddie... please come over --

CLICK. The phone hangs up. Ed is very alarmed.

EXT. BELA'S HOUSE - LATE NIGHT

The wind is blowing. Ed's Nash roars up, and he jumps out, a

coat over his pajamas. He runs up and POUNDS on Bela's door.

ED:

Bela?!

Ed tries the door. It's unlocked.

INT. BELA'S HOUSE - SAME TIME

Ed steps into the dark room, and is stunned by what he sees:

Bela is slumped on the floor, pasty white, eyes glazed. A

rubber tube is tied on his arm, and a HYPODERMIC NEEDLE lies

next to him.

The dogs crouch behind him, whimpering, despondent,

Bela looks up through half-opened eyes.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote