Ed Wood Page #23

PAUL MARCO:

What octopus motor?

ED:

You know, to make the legs move --

PAUL MARCO:

(defensive)

Hey, don't blame me! You didn't say

anything about no motor when I was

up on that ceiling!

Bela stumbles up, with a dazed smile.

BELA:

Let's shoot this f***er! Where do

I go?

ED:

You'll be fighting with the octopus.

BELA:

Out there?!

(he points at the water)

What happened to the stream?

ED:

This'll look a lot better. We have

to match the stock footage of the

octopus underwater.

BELA:

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Bela rolls up his pants and wades out, into the water. He

screams.

BELA:

Goddamn, it's cold!

ED:

Once you're in it, it warms up.

BELA:

F*** you! You come out here.

(beat)

Hey, toss me that J.D.

A crew member throws Bela a bottle of Jack Daniels.

Bela pops the cap and chugs half the bottle in one swig. He

licks his lips, then climbs onto the octopus.

BELA:

Okay! How do we turn this thing on?

ED:

Bela, somebody misplaced the motor.

So when you wrestle the octopus,

shake the legs a bit, to make it look

like it's killing you.

Bela stares, deadpan.

BELA:

Do you know I turned down

"Frankenstein"?

ED:

Huh?

BELA:

After I did "Dracula," the studio

offered me "Frankenstein"! But I

turned it down, the part wasn't sexy

enough. It was too degrading for a

big star like me.

The crew glances at Ed.

ED:

Bela, I've got twenty-five scenes to

shoot tonight.

BELA:

Don't let me slow you down.

ED:

Alright! Let's put it on film.

CAMERA! SOUND!

Bela takes another swig of J.D., then throws it off-camera.

ED:

ACTION!

Bela starts flailing around the octopus legs and SCREAMING in

horror. This image is truly ridiculous.

Ed is pleased.

Some crew members nod: Pretty good.

ED:

And CUT!

Everybody cheers.

Then suddenly the dam walls BURST.

WHOOSH! The water rushes from the lake and floods the park

below.

WIPE TO:

EXT. DINKY SOUNDSTAGES - EARLY MORNING

Crew members straggle in for the final shoot. Everybody looks

bleary-eyed from last night. Ed stands cheerily at the

entrance, greeting them.

ED:

C'mon! Just one more day! Just have

some coffee, you'll feel better!

Tony staggers up.

TONY:

Mr. Wood, I only got one hour of

sleep.

ED:

Yeah? Well I got no sleep, and I

feel great!

Ed sees Bela slowly shuffling along. Ed runs over to him.

ED:

Bela. I just wanna thank you again

for last night.

BELA:

(exhausted)

That's fine, Eddie. All in the line

of duty.

ED:

No. Seriously. I want you to know

how much I appreciate what you've

done for me. A great man like you

shouldn't have to run around in

freezing water at four in the

morning.

BELA:

Well, there aren't too many other

fellas I'd do it for...

ED:

(he smiles, then pulls out a

script page)

I wrote something special for you.

I got to thinking about all the

sacrifices you've made... and so I

wrote you a new final speech.

Ed hands him the paper. Bela starts reading it, as Ed watches

anxiously. Bela is very touched.

BELA:

(still reading)

Eddie, this is quite a scene.

ED:

I know it's a lot to give you at the

last second.

Bela looks up.

BELA:

These lines -- I'll have no problem

remembering.

WIPE TO:

INT. SOUNDSTAGE - DAY

They are shooting. Ed watches off-camera, as Bela acts a

somber scene with an actor playing PROFESSOR STROWSKI, a

threatening European.

STROWSKI:

"Our government wants you to

return... to continue your

experiments there. Where you can

have everything at your disposal."

BELA (as VORNOFF)

"My dear Professor Strowski, twenty

years ago I was banned from my home

land. I was classed as a madman --

a charlatan -- outlawed in the world

of science which previously honored

me as a genius!"

(he gets very subdued)

"Now here in this forsaken jungle

hell, I have proven that I am

alright."

STROWSKI:

"Yes, the authorities have learned

how correct your findings were. So

I am here -- sent to bring you home."

BELA:

(impassioned)

"Home. I have no home. Hunted...

despised... living like an animal

-- the jungle is my home! But I

will show the world that I can be

its master. I shall perfect my own

race of people -- a race of atomic

supermen that will conquer the

world!"

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