Ed Wood Page #35

Vampira steps out, walking in a trance. Tor is now cornered.

He fruitlessly FIRES his gun, but bullets can't stop zombies.

Vampira and Dr. Tom kill him. Tor screams.

WIPE TO:

ANOTHER SCENE GETS SHOT - LATER

Paul and Conrad are scared cops exploring the cemetery.

CONRAD (as a cop)

"Let's go down and find out whose

grave it is."

PAUL MARCO (as a cop)

"Why do I always get hooked up with

these spook details? Monsters!

Graves! Bodies!"

ED:

CUE THE FLYING SAUCER, RAY!

Off-stage, a grip on a ladder pans a 10K SEARCHLIGHT.

The LIGHT crosses the actors. They look up in horror, then

clumsily fall down. A rickety fake tombstone tips over.

ED:

And PERFECT. CUT!

REYNOLDS:

(freaking out)

"Perfect"? Mr. Wood, do you know

anything about the art of film

production?!

ED:

I like to think so.

REYNOLDS:

That cardboard headstone tipped over.

This graveyard is obviously phony!

ED:

People won't notice. Filmmaking

isn't about picky details -- it's

about the big picture.

REYNOLDS:

Oh, you wanna talk about the "big

picture"?! How 'bout that the

policemen arrive in the daylight, but

now it's suddenly night???

Ed suddenly flips out. He's livid.

ED:

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING! Haven't you

ever heard of "suspension of

disbelief"?!

A STRAPPING YOUNG MAN walks up. He smiles at the Baptists,

STRAPPING YOUNG MAN

Reverend, I'm here.

ED:

(baffled)

Who's he?

REVEREND LEMON:

This is our choir director. He's

gonna play the young hero.

ED:

(furious)

Are you IN5ANE? I'm the director!

I make the casting decisions around

here!

REVEREND LEMON:

I thought this was a group effort.

ED:

NOOOOO!!!

Ed spastically storms away.

INT. DRESSING ROOM - SAME TIME

Ed bursts in. He paces about, hysterically traumatized.

ED:

They're driving me crazy! These

Baptists are stupid, stupid, STUPID!

Ed glances at a clothing rack -- and sees an ANGORA SWEATER.

Ed is taken aback. He slowly removes it from the hanger and

rubs it against his face. His breathing slows.

ED:

Mmm. I need to calm... Take deep

breaths...

(he rubs the angora)

Ohh, it's so smooth...

INT. SOUNDSTAGE - SAME TIME

The dressing room door flies open. Ed slowly struts out, in

the sweater, pantsuit, and pumps. He is calmed and at

ease.

The stage quiets. People are staring.

ED:

Okay, everyone! Let's set up for

Scene 112! Move the crypt stage left

and get ready with Tor's make-up

effect.

The crew resumes working. But the Baptists charge up, aghast.

REVEREND LEMON:

Mr. Wood? What do you think you're

doing?!

ED:

I'm directing.

REYNOLDS:

Not like THAT, you're not!

REVEREND LEMON:

Remove that get-up immediately. You

shame our Lord.

Ed throws up his hands.

ED:

That's it. I give up!

CUT TO:

EXT. SOUNDSTAGE - DAY

Ed frantically marches out of the building. He's still in his

ladies' outfit. Ed sees a cab and WHISTLES loudly.

The cab pulls over. Ed jumps in.

ED:

Take me to the nearest bar.

CUT TO:

INT. MUSSO & FRANKS - DAY

The place is quiet, mid-morning. Frazzled Ed enters and sits

at the bar.

ED:

Imperial whiskey, straight up.

The bartender nonchalantly pours a shot. Ed takes the drink.

He quietly sips his booze and reflects upon his day.

Ed glances around. And then, suddenly -- his eyes widen.

Sitting at a table is ORSON WELLES! The portly, world-famous

filmmaker sits alone, eating lunch with one hand and drawing

STORYBOARDS with the other.

Ed is thunderstruck.

ED:

Oh my God. It's Orson Welles...

Ed nervously stands. He starts to step forward -- when he

catches his own reflection in a mirror. He's still in drag.

ED:

Oh sh*t.

Ed rolls his eyes. He runs his hand through his hair, then

slowly approaches Orson Welles. Ed is terrified.

ED:

Excuse me, Sir...?

ORSON WELLES:

(he casually looks up)

Yes?

ED:

Uh, uh, I'm a young filmmaker, and

a really big fan... and I just wanted

to meet you.

ORSON WELLES:

(he extends his hand)

My pleasure. I'm Orson Welles.

ED:

Oh. Um, I'm Ed Wood!

(he smiles anxiously)

So, what are you working on now?

ORSON WELLES:

Eh, the financing just fell through

for the third time on "Don Quixote."

So I'm trying to finish a promo for

something else. But I can't find the

soundtrack --

(he shrugs)

I think I left it in Malta.

Ed is astonished.

ED:

I can't believe it. These sound like

my problems!

ORSON WELLES:

It's the damn money men. You never

know who's a windbag, and who's got

the goods. And then they all think

they're a director...

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote