Ed Wood Page #9

Georgie nods. Oh, okay.

O.S. VOICE

Mr. Lugosi has arrived!

Ed jumps excitedly.

ED:

Oh my God!

(he YELLS)

Mr. Lugosi is here! Now everyone,

when he walks on the stage

(nobody is listening; so Ed uses

his MEGAPHONE)

Now everyone, when he walks on the

stage, treat him normal. I know Bela

Lugosi is a world-famous star, and

you're all a little excited, but

we're professionals. So if you treat

him with respect, everything will be

alright.

AT THE STAGE DOOR

The door swings open, and Bela strides in, looking dapper. He

glances at the teensy stage, and his face falls imperceptibly.

Ed runs up, bounding with enthusiasm.

ED:

Bela! It's so great to see you!

(he glances at his watch)

And eight o'clock on the dot. Right

on time!

BELA:

I am always on time.

ED:

Of course! Well, we got a big day

planned for you... First, we're gonna

start off a little easy, with you in

that armchair over there. Then, once

you're up to speed and cooking, we'll

reset and bring out the laboratory

equipment --

BELA:

(he leans in and WHISPERS)

Uh, Eddie, do you have my money?

ED:

Huh?! Oh yeah, of course.

Ed and Bela step over to a corner.

ACROSS THE ROOM:

From a distance, Ed pulls a wad of money from his pocket and

peels off a few bills for Bela. The crew watches, fascinated.

WIPE TO:

LATER:

Bela is seated in the ratty armchair on the set. Harry does

his make-up. Harry glances at Bela's arm, and it is full of

TRACK MARKS. Harry grimaces, but doesn't say anything.

Conrad eagerly scurries up.

CONRAD:

Mr. Lugosi, I know you're very busy,

but could I have your autograph?

BELA:

(cordial)

Of course.

Conrad hands him a scrap of paper. Bela signs it.

CONRAD:

You know which movie of yours I love,

Mr. Lugosi? "The Invisible Ray."

You were great as Karloff's sidekick.

Bela's face suddenly hardens. He snaps.

BELA:

"Sidekick"?? "KARLOFF"?!!

Bela insanely RIPS up the autograph.

BELA:

F*** you!! Karloff doesn't deserve

to smell my sh*t! That limey

cocksucker can rot in hell, for all

I care!!!

WIDE:

Ed panickedly runs up.

ED:

What happened?! Jesus, Connie, what

did you do?

CONRAD:

(upset, close to crying)

Nothin'! I told him he was great.

BELA:

How dare that a**hole bring up

Karloff?!! You think it takes talent

to play Frankenstein?! NO! It's

just make-up and grunting! GRRR!

GRRR! GRRR!

Ed is frozen in fear. He glances across the stage.

Georgie is flabbergasted. He points urgently at his watch.

Ed nods. He motions to Conrad: Get out of here. Conrad runs

away. Ed leans in to Bela.

ED:

You're right, Bela. Now Dracula,

that's a part that takes acting.

BELA:

Of course! Dracula requires

presence. It's all in the voice, and

the eyes, and the hand --

Bela waves his outstretched arm. Ed tries to calm him.

ED:

Look, you seem a little agitated.

Do you maybe wanna take a little

break, go for a nice walk... and then

we'll come back and shoot the scene?

BELA:

BULLSHIT! I am ready now! Roll the

camera!!

The crew is baffled. Ed shrugs at them.

ED:

Um, okay... roll camera

CAMERAMAN BILL:

(unsure)

Rolling.

ED:

Sound!

SOUNDMAN:

Speed.

CAMERA ASSISTANT

Mark. Scene Thirty-One.

The Assistant CLAPS the slate in front of Bela, then runs.

ED:

And... action?

It's dead quiet. Nobody knows what's about to happen.

WE MOVE IN TO BELA. And... he suddenly assumes character.

Like the consumate pro he is. Bela gets a wicked, sinister

leer, then starts intoning threateningly:

BELA (as the SPIRIT)

"Beware. Beware! Beware, of the big

green dragon that sits on your

doorstep. He eats little boys!

Puppy dog tails! Big fat snails!

Beware. Take care. Beware!"

CLOSEUP - ED

He is blown away. He quietly mumbles in amazement.

ED:

Brilliant.

WIPE TO:

INT. STAGE - NEXT DAY

Dolores studies her script, as the crew lights a flimsy kitchen

set. Ed strolls past, nonchalantly removing a ladies' wig and

earrings. She stares in disbelief.

DOLORES:

How can you just walk around like

that, in front of all these people?

ED:

Hon', nobody's bothered but you.

(he gestures)

Look around -- they couldn't care

less.

DOLORES:

Ed, this isn't the real world!

You've surrounded yourself with

WEIRDOS!

ED:

Say it a little louder. I don't

think Bela heard you in his trailer.

Dolores quiets down. She feels bad.

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