Elektra Luxx Page #3

A favor. How is my little sister

getting half naked and posting

pictures doing me a favor?

You need original amateur content.

Isn't that what you told Trixie?

What business is this of yours

what I told Trixie?

Maybe you wanna see her naked.

You're a perv like your readers.

I asked Trixie about this

before we were friends,

- when she was just a checkout girl.

- Because you like her.

- She's Swedish.

- She's not Swedish.

- Yes, she is.

- Her family's from Orange County

and what if she was Swedish?

See? This is why we're not

gonna have this conversation.

You don't know the first thing

about anything important.

- Like what?

- If it wasn't for Swedish movies

in the 1960s, practically all movies

today would be about robots, okay?

- You're full of sh*t.

- You don't know history!

Eroticism is in their blood. They're

like a hotbed for modern sexual culture.

- You... Look it up.

- Whatever.

All I know is you need original

content, perky tits and smooth legs,

not plastic hags

with stretch marks.

- Plastic... Stretch... God, who are you?

- I'm gonna be a famous Internet pinup.

- Not on my blog.

- Yes. Watch me.

You have no idea what kind

of comments I've gotten.

- Want me to read them to you?

- Put that down. This is expensive.

Cora? Are you gonna be all right?

I'm just gonna take a nap and

then I'll be totally awake.

Maybe not the best idea.

I hear a lot of people drown like that.

You're funny.

And a fine, fine human

being for bringing me home.

- Thank you.

- Anytime.

But you better go now

before Benjamin gets here.

I love him so much.

I really screwed up this time.

I think maybe you should turn off

the water before I leave.

Good idea, so I don't have to pee.

Right.

[TURNS OFF WATER]

Right-o, buffalo.

What are you looking at?

Just keep walking, keep walking.

Don't even think about it.

Elektra, so stupid.

MAN:

Yeah?

Hi, uh, I just walked past you

on the stairs.

- Have we met before?

MAN:
I don't think so.

ELEKTRA:

Huh. Can you, uh?

[ELEKTRA CHUCKLES]

I feel really weird talking to the door.

You mind opening up?

- Hey.

- Hey.

I was waiting for my Realtor.

I'm looking for an apartment

on another floor.

Oh, yeah?

- Can I be honest with you?

- Okay.

I was gonna ask you if I

could come in and take a look,

you know, see if

I wanted to buy or not,

but that would be a total lie.

- Lie?

- I'm just looking for an excuse

...to get into your place.

- Why is that?

- Life.

- Life?

Life is funny, you know.

I took one look at you and said to

myself, "Elektra, life is fleeting.

And if today is a day you wanna

be bad, why not be real bad?

With that hunk of flesh with the

muscles and the crooked smile."

- You think my smile's crooked?

- With a sort of sinister sexiness.

Don't take this the wrong way,

you're a very forward woman.

Forward and backward too,

if you catch my drift.

You just don't waste any time,

do you?

I know what I like. And when I

like it, I like it right away.

So we can keep talking here.

You can always wonder "what

if," or you can pull me inside

and do to me everything you ever

wanted to do with a woman in bed.

ELEKTRA:

Right there, right there.

[ELEKTRA MOANING]

F*** me, f*** me, f*** me.

Just like that.

Don't come yet.

Don't come yet.

God, you know how to f*** me.

Oh, I'm gonna come.

I'm gonna come.

I'll be right back.

Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.

We're not alone.

- What are you talking about?

- There is a dead chick in the bathtub.

[CORA SCREAMS]

- Who is this?

- I'm Elektra, you hussy.

- Who the hell are you?

- No. Who is this?

- Obviously, he's your fianc.

- This is not my fianc.

- Yes, he is. She's still drunk.

- I'm not her fianc.

Yes, you are. You're both drunk.

Your name is Ben.

I'm sorry, sweetheart. My name

is Dellwood. Dellwood Butterworth.

And you can call me Dell.

- What is he doing in here?

- He lives here, you idiot.

- Actually I don't... I don't live here.

- So, what are you doing in here?

Well, to be honest,

I, um, broke in.

- What?

- Is this a robbery?

- I'm calling 911.

- This is not a robbery.

- You just said you broke in.

- And then he raped you.

DELL:
Whoa! Hold up, lady. Hey. Whoa.

Now, if anything,

...it was the other way around.

- Excuse me?

You couldn't wait

to get my clothes off.

- You said you were Ben.

DELL:
I said no such thing.

I am a great many things,

but a liar I am not.

Well, you better be gone

when the real Ben gets here.

- As soon as I get what I came for.

- I'd say you made out pretty well.

Coincidentally, you happened to

break in here today? I don't buy that.

I refuse to believe God's

sense of humor could stoop this low.

To tell you the truth,

I am a private detective, hired by

the band to find the missing lyrics.

- What?

DELL:
For the new album.

I've been tracking your whereabouts

since the funeral.

You knew what I was doing all along

and still took advantage of me?

Let's define "advantage" here.

You are a stunning woman.

You came on to me.

You asked, please take care of you

because you were just raring to go.

I'm a gentleman.

And I'm only human to boot, darling.

- You are a scumbag.

- No, listen.

In my line of work,

certain lines get crossed.

But I didn't even know you were

in the apartment. Honest.

When I left you at the bar,

you were soused.

I meant to come back here

before you got home.

Not much of a detective then.

Oh. Huh. Well, I was hired to find

these and I found them, didn't I?

- Those songs are rightfully hers.

- They're not.

- You'd be in trouble if it wasn't for...

- If it wasn't for?

- Was that all for show before?

- Take a wild guess.

- All of it?

- Most of it.

- You liked a bit of it then, didn't you?

- Well, I am not a robot.

- You liked more than a bit.

- Don't push it.

Can I buy you a coffee?

I mean, it's only fair.

You know,

all those songs are about me.

You know, I've never

even listened to the band.

Mostly into bluegrass,

some electro.

- This Nick Chapel, was he talented?

CORA:
Very.

I tell you what.

I don't think anyone's gonna know

how many of these things he wrote,

so if you have coffee with me,

I'll let you keep the one

you like the best.

Is that a deal?

I suppose it could be.

- You gotta shake on it.

- I think we're beyond a handshake.

So you just jump on any girl

that comes on to you?

Well, not just any.

Well, mostly, yeah.

I mean,

look at the way she's put together.

[DOOR CLOSES]

MAN:

Hello?

Hello?

- Hi, sweetie.

- Hi, honey.

- Ben.

- Hi.

Mitch. This is Beatrice.

Your fiance was nice enough

to let us take a gander.

- Thinking of buying on the 7th floor.

- Our Realtor never showed.

- His car hit a train.

- Just brutal.

Well, look. Thanks a million.

A little out of our price range,

but we'll run the numbers.

- Good luck.

- Benjamin.

Mitch.

[SAMANTHA SHELTON'S "IF

YOU WERE A PRIEST" PLAYING]

BAMBI:
Hey.

- What's up?

- You were talking in your sleep.

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