Employee Of The Month Page #4

- Relinquish your weapon!

- Bring it, b*tches!

Suckers!

Oh, that's nice.

Oh, no! You were hit by a ricochet.

I brought it, b*tch.

All right!

Sorry, Zack.

- Oh, thank you. Let's go.

- Mom!

Hey, Zack, I brought you the small pack.

Hey there, Mr. Gold Star.

- How are you, bright smile?

- Good.

I guess I'm gonna to have to

crank this up a notch.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I know. I know. I missed drinks last night.

I'm not here for that.

I came outside to pass gas.

Man, this employee-of-the-month thing

is a lot harder than I thought.

Maybe you should just do it for yourself,

for your pride, and the rest will come,

including the girl.

The universe always has a plan, Zack.

Told you.

Damn! The thing's heavier than it looks.

- Hi, do you need some help with that?

- Yes, thank you.

- It's for my husband.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that.

Oh, he's not dead. Not yet.

It's just too good a deal to pass up.

Well, do you need some help

getting it to your car?

No, thank you.

The lazy prick's waiting for me.

I'm gonna make him load it.

Well, good luck murdering your husband.

If you need my help, holler.

- Excuse me.

- Yes?

That young man is wonderful.

I'll be back for sure, just because of him.

- Oh, that man there? No surprise.

- No.

This is the guy. He's a wonderful fella.

Well, thank you.

May I help you find your way to your car?

I know where it is, idiot.

Hey, Vince. What, they kick you

out of the cashiers' lounge?

No, just here to watch

as I get ever closer to victory.

Five more days and I seal the deal.

Once I get to 16, it's over.

Your math skills are astonishing, Vince.

All right, here he is. The man of the hour.

Soon that Malibu will be mine.

Hey, what... Give me this.

Okay, you've made a big mistake.

No mistake. Zack has shown

a real improvement over the last week.

- Come here.

- Oh, yeah.

You're welcome.

Oh, no. Vince, not now.

- Hey, you gotta listen to me.

- Vince, I can't talk to you right now.

Yes!

I'm on the board, come on!

- You the man.

- Yeah.

Wow, Zack, you got a star. Fantastic.

Oh, that's nothing really.

Nothing? What do you mean, "nothing"?

We should be out celebrating.

- Want to grab a drink after this?

- Yeah, sure.

Really? Great.

I'm late shift,

so why don't you pick me up around 9:00?

- Perfect.

- Okay.

- All right.

- Bye.

Yeah, later.

- Holy sh*t.

- What'd I tell you?

The female lioness

gets a whiff of that gold star,

and just like that,

she's crawling into your den of desire.

- You think? Really?

- I got a gold star once.

- No. No I didn't.

- Nice.

Pretty impressive

how you snuck one in on me.

But don't get used to it. It was a fluke.

No box boy's ever won

employee of the month.

You got to be the QB to win the MVP, baby.

Can't be the punter.

Yup.

Iqbal, hey. Just double-checking.

We still on for tonight?

Yeah, sure, of course. I got you covered.

Thanks, man. You're a good friend.

Zacky, what do you want for din-din?

I can't. I have a late dinner.

With whom? A girl?

New girl at work. Cashier.

Her name's Amy. She's very pretty.

Why, you look very handsome.

- Amy's a very lucky girl.

- Thanks, Grams.

Maybe you should plant the seed tonight.

- What?

- Plant the seed of love.

You know,

when you get ready to kiss her, don't.

Because you mustn't rush things.

Take it easy, because then the seed of love

will blossom into something beautiful.

Thanks, Grams.

- And don't forget...

- Yes?

To wash your balls.

You're the best.

- Buenas noches.

- Hey.

How about me, you and a bottle of wine?

I got a sweet deal

on some tampered cabernet.

I actually have dinner plans

with Zack tonight.

- Zack? The box boy, Zack?

- Yes.

Awesome. Awesome. Awesome.

That's awesome. Where's he taking you?

I don't know.

- I'll see you around.

- Yeah. Awesome.

It's like...

Smell so good, now, and I want to...

I wanna kiss you all over

Now, that is some of the best

chicken parmesan I've ever had.

Not a lot of people know about this place.

It's kind of a hidden gem.

I won't tell.

Amy, could I offer you

another box of Merlot?

- No, thanks. Yeah.

- Okay.

So what's on this evening's agenda?

Okay, this evening's agenda,

I'd thought that we would catch a flick,

and before that, maybe take a few laps

around the race track, play nine holes.

Sounds ambitious.

But we should probably get going

if we're gonna catch the movie.

I don't think we're in any shape

to be driving.

Don't worry about that, Amy.

I've got it all taken care of.

Did you have restricted airflow

when you were in the birthing canal?

Focus. If they're not at the Steaksmith,

where do you think he took her? Think.

I don't know, bro. Her car is still here.

And I don't think he even has a license.

I'm clearly the driver.

You were supposed to provide intel.

You have not done that.

Since the invention of the kiss,

there have been five kisses

that were rated the most passionate,

the most pure.

This one left them all behind.

The end.

This is what we gotta do, okay?

You see the lamp post in the middle

of the parking lot? Number seven?

You got to hit the ball,

it's gonna bank off that post.

And if you do that, you win a free game.

All the way

in the middle of the parking lot?

- I'm gonna show you. No more questions.

- No way.

No more questions, just examples.

Watch this.

- No way.

- Yes way.

- Holy sh*t!

- That's it! Yes!

Oh, my God, that's amazing!

You spend too much time up here.

I've paid my dues,

but it's your turn, go ahead.

All right, free game. Hit it off.

My head! My head!

Where did that come from? Shut up!

We're under attack.

This is an '81 Honda! How dare you!

You know, most guys I meet

try really hard to impress me.

But there's something different about you.

It's my tongue.

- Oh my!

- I know.

No, what I was trying to say is that

with you, it's just effortless. Easy.

What about you? Drop-dead gorgeous,

totally cool. How does that happen?

I'm serious.

Most girls that are 9's or 10's, you know,

can't even open a door for themself.

They have everything handed to them.

Not you. You're different.

And you seem to treat everybody the same.

It's really nice.

- Check this out.

- Okay.

Holy sh*t!

- You have huge ears.

- I know, right?

You have huge ears, Amy!

Gosh, I heard it all through grade school.

Dumbo. Baby New Year. Big ears.

Wow.

Good thing I don't have a complex about it

or anything.

I'm sorry. It must have been tough.

It must have been tough.

I did go through a lot.

So should I... I should, like, whisper

when I talk to you? I don't wanna...

Shut up! They're not bionic.

No, really, I probably hear even less

because of all this hair.

Well, I like everything about you.

Come on, we have a few more stops

on the agenda.

- Okay.

- All right, after you.

Oh, you should work for the government

in a think tank.

You call yourself my protege.

- I guess I had you pegged all wrong.

- Really?

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