Encino Man Page #5

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- Computer club.

Homeboy.

Why doesn't that happen

when Matt hits me ?

Give yourself

a few million years, David.

[ lndistinct Chatter ]

Link. Link.

Link, get down.

All right, come on.

No, no.

l was just playin'.

[ Teacher ]

All right, Cro-Magnon Man.

What you're looking at here

is a representation...

of what Cro-Magnon man's everyday life

may have been like.

lf he was here today,

you could sit next to him,

you would never know the difference.

Stoney, let's move on.

We're gonna look at the giant sloth.

[ Growling ]

Class, this is saber-toothed cat.

Even though he's been extinct

for over 10,000 years,

while he was alive you can

imagine that many a caveman...

was a tasty meal to one of these.

[ Link Screaming ]

- There's one now.

- Uh-oh.

Let's look at the mammoth display,

our school mascot.

- Look out !

- Whoa.

- Link ! Link, get out from there !

- [ Screams ]

Look at him.

He's flipping out.

- He knows, Dave.

- What ?

He knows.

He knows what happened to him.

We have to help him.

Link.

Link. Link.

Ow !

Link.

Hey. Hey, come on, man.

Stop it.

Look, l understand.

Family.

Family.

- Family.

- You okay ?

lt's okay.

We're your new family.

We're your new family.

lt's okay.

lt's all right.

[ Stoney ]

He's burnt from all this.

Seeing as we started the school year

as total losers,

and now everyone knows who we are,

l don't think one mistake

is such a big deal.

But you're doggin' him.

Just promise me.

Just a little more mellow ?

Not so much ?

- Stoney !

- Dave !

All right.

lf it'll make you feel better,

l'll be more mellow with him.

- Robyn Sweeney ?

- Here.

- Again ?

- l'm sorry. l can't get

that parallel parking thing.

Whoa. Parallel parking

is not a thing, understand ?

lt's not a feeling, not a state of mind,

it's not one of your disco dances.

- Yeah.

- Get in and don't take it personally.

Okay, Mr Beady.

- Linkavitch Chomofsky ?

- Ugh, ugh.

What are you lookin' at ?

Ugh.

Get inside the car.

And shoot your barber.

Contrast this with Hemingway's

""The Sun Also Rises,""

where the blood sport

of bullfighting...

- is used and perhaps what--

- Uh-oh.

- Oh, God. Rad Mobile !

- Rad Mobile !

Boys, will you sit down ?

Class ?

You promised me mellow.

This isn't mellow.

Link ! Link !

Dave.

[ Dave ] Watch the people !

Grab the wheel !

Okay !

- [ Dave ] Stone, tell him to stop !

- Okay, stop.

- [ Stoney ] Didn't phase him, bro.

- Oh, sh*t !

All right, Link.

Joke's over. Stop !

- He-e-e-ey !

- Stop that car, young man !

l'm your teacher.

Both hands on the wheel !

[ Applause, Cheering ]

Who was that ?

Crosswalk !

Crosswalk !

Close call, buddy.

[ Stoney ]

Hey, buddy !

- Hi, Robyn.

- Hi, Dave.

- Red light !

- Red light !

[ Screeching, Honking ]

Boom !

Up on two wheels !

l've never seen anything like this.

l don't teach that.

l got the licence plate.

lt's E684-257.

You don't have to write that l left

the keys in the ignition, do you ?

Ow-o-o-o-o !

[ Dave ]

l think he's got the hang of it.

That concludes our parallel parking

for today. Class dismissed.

[ Robyn ] Link, l think

you just failed Driver's Ed.

[ Stoney ]

Hey, Link, wait up.

[ Dave ]

Where are we ?

Great !

# Move your body #

# Move your body

to the rhythm of love #

# Move your body #

# Move your body

to the rhythm of love #

Hola, mi amigos.

- ls it okay if l just chill up on here?

- Orale.

You wanna be a man, ese ?

Eventually, yeah.

But l'm almost there.

- Look at my patch, bro.

- Ooh !

- Mucho macho.

- Ooh.

Oh, this is tequila ?

Wait, where's the worm ?

The worm's right there, ese.

Uh-uh. l'm a weasel.

- A weasel, eh ?

- You wanna be a man, weasel ?

- You wanna be a man ?

- Then drink like an hombre.

- No, l can't.

- You're showing us disrespect.

Ah, you guys--

That's disrespectful, weasel.

Be a man, ese.

Drink it up.

Drink like a man.

- You can do it, weasel.

- Bottoms up.

- You can do it.

- Andale.

[ Howling ]

Wait.

! Otra, otra !

Otra vez, otra vez, otra vez.

Okay, okay, stop !

Five more, man.

[ Chanting ]

Weasel, weasel, weasel, weasel.

[ Howling ]

[ Chanting ]

Weasel, weasel, weasel, weasel.

Wait, stop.

Dude, do l have to pay for 'em ?

- Hey, Stone.

- Hey.

- Where's Link ?

- Dancin'.

- Cool, let's go dance.

- No, no.

- l'm not good. Let's not dance.

- You are too uptight.

l, l just don't like to dance.

- Hey, weasel. What's happening ?

- Hey.

- Dave, Enrique.

- Hey, man.

You see that muchacha over there ?

- Oh, man, yeah.

- You see her ? You see her ?

- Don't be lookin' at her, man !

- l'm sorry.

- You see her ?

- No.

lf l see any man looking at my muchacha,

that man will no longer...

be recognizable as a man.

- l want you vatos to have a good time.

- Yeah.

- See you later, weasels.

- See ya.

# Feel the rhythm

Feel the rhythm everywhere #

# Feel the rhythm

Feel the, feel the, feel the rhythm #

# Move your body #

- # Move your body

to the rhythm of love #

- Oh !

Chomofsky. Chomofsky.

Got it.

Chomofsky.

Rabies, distemper, flea dip.

What is this ?

- lt's a dog licence, man.

- Whoa.

Animal shelter.

What are the two biggest losers

in school hiding ?

- A dog ?

- lt's not his licence.

Mm-hmm.

Let's get out of here.

# Dance #

# You know you really turn me on #

# Come on now, honey #

- # You know you really turn me on #

- Hey !

# Get filled, get filled #

# And when

when, oh, when you do it #

# Uh-uh-uh-oh

That's the song #

[ Screams ]

Wow ! Wow !

# Uh-uh-uh-oh

That's my song #

# Let's do it, let's do it

You turn me on #

# Let's do it, let's do it

Come on now, sugar #

# Come on and just stick it to me #

# You turn me on

Come on now, sugar #

You're right, ese.

She's not worth it.

- The vato's got a point.

- She ain't worth it, homes !

Come here, vato.

Police. lmmigracion.

[ Dave ]

Let's get out of here !

Oh, sh*t !

- Stone, take Robyn.

- [ Burp ]

Robyn, take Stone.

Get him out of here.

l'll meet up with you guys later.

All right, get out.

- [ Robyn ] Come on, l'll drive.

- Link !

- [ Making Monkey Sounds ]

- Link !

The cops are here.

Get down.

Come on.

We're gonna get busted !

- You are busted.

- Get down, man.

[ All Together ]

Stoney is the crustiest vato...

l've ever witnessed.

So don't hush his gig, buddy.

Ow-o-o-o !

[ lndistinct Chatter ]

[ Stoney ]

Eh, buddy !

- Bye, guys. Drive safely.

- [ Horn Honking ]

Nice element you're hanging out with.

- Who are your friends in the low-rider?

- None of your business.

- Go home.

- Huh.

What time do you want me

to pick you up tomorrow night ?

lt's the prom, remember ?

You are just like everyone else.

All you care about

is what people think.

lt's really pathetic.

Hey, watch it.

Matt, l'm not going

to the prom with you.

l wanna go with somebody

who's really cool,

who's not afraid of

being himself or having fun.

Good night.

Who's cooler than me ?

Your phone call. You got one.

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