Endless Bummer Page #6

What's it gonna be?

- I'll take option number two.

Dad, these guys are

gonna f***in' kill me.

Brian, don't embarrass

yourself any further.

You get three swings.

That's all. Fair?

Fair.

I got him!

That's one.

F***, Sparky.

Piece of cake.

Come on. He's drunk.

He doesn't know what he's doin'.

I said three swings.

That counts.

- You got two left.

- Wait a minute.

He said one of you guys

gets three swings.

He already took one, so he's

gotta take the other two.

I mean, that's the rule. Right?

Three swings, one guy.

That's what he said.

Fine.

Did you hear that, Sparky? Huh?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Two swings.

Two swings.

Just get me close. I can't miss him.

Get in there.

All right, fairy boy.

What the f***?

- Aw, f***!

That's two.

- That should count as two and three.

Keep quiet. Take your licks.

He hasn't even hit you.

Get up, Sparky.

You gotta get up.

- You got one more. He's laughin' at us, man.

- All right.

One more. One more, Sparky.

Come on! Come on!

Don't laugh at me!

Dude.

- What you laughin' at?

- This is your last chance.

Then I'm takin' my boy

inside, and that's it.

Come on, Sparky.

Get up, man. Get up.

You gotta get up. Get up,

Sparky! Get up! Come on!

Come on, Sparky!

Get up!

I got it. I got it.

Come on, Sparky!

Get up! Get up!

Whoa!

- All right!

- Oh, sh*t!

Sparky, man!

Sparky, you did it, man.

You did it.

You nailed him, man!

You got him! You got him!

Sparky?

Holy sh*t.

He's asleep.

He's asleep.

- All right then.

You fellas

satisfied?

Now I want you

to make up.

Shake hands.

I, um-

I'm sorry, man.

It's cool.

No real harm done.

You okay?

Yeah.

Come on, Brian.

Let's get you inside,

put an ice pack

on that jaw.

Excuse me.

I never got your name.

Sam. Sam Kramer.

I just wanna say it was, uh...

It was real nice meeting you.

I just... I wanted

to say that to you.

I was gone a lot

when he was growin' up.

Didn't do a very good job,

I'm afraid.

Most of the time, you do

the best you can do and...

hope the rest just...

falls in line.

And... sometimes it does.

Don't forget Sparky there.

Wiener man. What'd you do, go down

to Ventura and get more wieners?

Hey, bro.

Kenny, dude, I ran out of gas

about a mile down the road.

Yeah, I was just wonderin',

can I borrow a gas can?

Oh, man. Well, uh,

this isn't Ventura.

You know, we sell gas cans.

We don't just lend them out.

I'll be happy to sell you one,

and I'll sell you some gas too.

- Oh. yeah. How much are they?

- Three dollars.

Three dollars?

- Yep.

Yeah, I got three bucks. I think I

got three bucks somewhere in here.

One. I got one.

Hold on.

- Okay.

Dude, 2.20- Oh.

Three bucks. And 15 cents.

Yeah.

- So I guess you have enough to get, uh,

wiener man.

Hey, bro, look,

can you just-

Give me a break, man. Let me borrow the

gas can. I'll bring it right back, dude.

Look, man, we sell 'em.

Okay? We don't rent 'em.

Dude, where are

your friends?

Lost in the valley

of the shadow of death.

This whole day has been, like,

one endless bummer, dude.

It's all about-

Hey, bros.

How's it goin'?

Do you, like, have

a gas can I can borrow?

My car ran out of gas,

and, well,

this dude won't let me

borrow a can.

Uh, you ran out

of gas, huh?

Yeah. It's just, like,

a mile up that way.

We got some beers left over

if you help us out.

Yeah, sure, man.

Sure.

Bitchin' can, dude.

- Thanks.

Hop in.

Man, I just wanted to

f***in' kick that guy's ass.

You know, just-

just kick his ass.

One punch.

Just one f***in' punch.

You got one punch.

- Well, yeah, but...

I mean, I should've

f***in' pounded him.

I should've kicked

his f***in' teeth in, man.

You know what?

I'm gonna go back in there.

You wanna come?

He said three swings, Sparky.

Oh, who gives a sh*t what that old

f***er said? I'll kick his ass too.

F***, Sparky!

I'm sick of it, man.

You talk all this bullshit. "I'm

gonna do this, I'm gonna do that."

And you just get drunk and you

don't do nothing. You don't do sh*t.

So shut up, all right!

You okay?

- I just wanna go home.

Thanks, bros. Hopefully, it'll fill

up and we'll be able to get outta here.

Hey. Hey, what are

your names?

Esmeralda.

Guinevere.

Esmeralda

and Guinevere, huh?

- Hey, where you from?

- Africa.

- South Africa.

- Johannesburg.

Can't you tell

they're just f***in' with us?

Oh. Is that true?

You just f***in' with us?

- Hey, listen, guys. Thanks so...

- I don't think so.

- Get the f*** away from me!

- F***in' a**hole!

Let go! Lardo!

Get off me!

Hey!

What the f***?

Go, Anne! Go! Go!

Aw, f***!

You like that?

Hey, a**hole!

Motherf***er!

Later, b*tch.

# I don't give a damn

'bout my reputation #

Get in the car! Fire it up!

Pieces of sh*t!

Get in your f***ing piece-of-sh*t van,

or I will f***ing

smash your brains out!

Come on! Come on, Anne!

Let's go!

# And that's what I'm

gonna do #

# And I don't give a damn

'bout my bad reputation #

What about our beer?

# Oh, no, no, no, no, no #

# Not me #

Aw, sh*t! They're gonna follow us.

No, they're not.

# Oh, no, no, no, no, no #

F***ers.

# Not me ##

Whoa. They're here.

# Nobody ever knew

they would #

# Nobody ever thought

they could #

# Livin' out the life

that they lead #

# Well, what's right, wrong

Sailin' along #

# Livin' by the ocean

and a-singin' a song #

# Mama always said

What's wrong with you, boy #

# You better get your mug

right back to school #

# And in the surf

you will find #

# A little piece of mind

anytime #

# Livin' out the life

that you lead #

# My mother is the ocean

and it lets me see #

# Really nothin' else

can make me free #

All right.

Thanks for comin', Mike.

Yeah.

I'll get you that money too.

Just give it

when you get it.

So?

Gotta grab my skateboard

out of the back.

Hey, Sparky. Hey.

Thanks, dude.

No, really.

I mean-

That sh*t I said before,

it's just- I don't know.

Weird f***in' night, huh?

- Yeah.

I just-

If I gotta have someone

at my back,

I'm just glad

it's you, dude.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

We're gonna be talkin'

about this for years.

We will, won't we?

I'm gonna catch some z's, man.

- Yeah.

You goin' surfin' later?

What else?

You know, I actually

enjoyed myself today, man.

Me too.

Later, Sparky.

Uh!

I gotta find my tape.

Uh!

I gotta find my tape.

Uh, I got it.

Cool.

I gotta go to work.

So, I guess I'll see you.

Of course.

Hey, uh, you know,

whatever happened back there...

Oh, he just... He just

roughed me up a little.

The f***er, he tore my shirt.

You're okay, and I'm okay.

So we're good, right?

- You-You're okay?

You know what?

Whatever doesn't kill you

makes you stronger, right?

Whoa.

Dude, I didn't

make that up.

It's still good though.

Yeah?

- Yeah.

Later?

Sure.

Hey, I'm really sorry that

prick stole your board, dude.

- It's not your fault.

- I know that.

Later, gator.

Nice work.

Hey. Later, darlin'.

Tell your mom I love her stew.

Tell your mom

I love her daughter.

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