Enlightenment Guaranteed Page #3

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Railroad train.

I'm going home.

I want my own bed.

Never give up, you wimp.

Oh, stop it.

We can make a little money.

As Sumo wrestlers?

Almost as bad.

An exercise in banning pride.

Go ahead.

I'm going to the embassy and home.

What home?

There she is.

Tell me what she's saying.

Be quiet.

Clear lines, strong feelings.

But...

recently there have been some

problems in your lovelife.

And maybe even

a separation from your wife.

There, you see.

Separation?

A divorce?

But...

Did she say divorce?

Separation but...

You have a hope line

that points to the light.

I have to pee.

Hope line? Light?

Whatever that means.

Monzen is far. Five transfers.

But it's easy, just keep asking.

Here's some tea.

And the tickets. Good luck.

Meditation is the way

to enlightenment.

What's it supposed to do?

Help you find yourself.

By just sitting there?

By just sitting there.

Really. You just sit there and

let your thoughts come and go.

And it works?

It does. I feel it in me.

You sit there and thoughts

come and go.

They come and go.

And come back. Or new ones.

With me it's like this...

The more I think,

the more thoughts come.

Sure, I'm scared.

Scared of what's coming.

But not as much as before.

I know now my greatest fear

was of getting lost and I'm over that.

And then at one point I thought:

this is it, I've had it.

The end of my rope.

And then suddenly it all changed.

I thought, okay, that's how it is.

You're here,

make something of it.

And I did.

Sometimes I imagine

Mama's still alive.

I see her in that grey skirt.

And the pink blouse.

That knitted one.

And her thin hair,

that we both inherited.

She looked great.

So well groomed.

Especially her hands.

I never saw her get a manicure.

And those earrings.

The ones Papa gave her.

The ones with the pearls.

She smelled so good.

I saw a photo of her once.

She was 20. And beautiful.

A beautiful woman.

Should I tape her?

We must see through the illusion

that there is a separate self.

We practice to remove this divide.

Not until the moment

we and the object become one

do we truly see our lives.

What's that mean? A self

that is separate?

From whom?

From whatever. What came before?

We must see through the illusion...

that there's a separate self.

A self that's separate...

From life or what? What we live?

I think it means that you are

a part of all life

and not separate from it all.

Can it be that?

You don't reach enlightenment.

It's the absence of something.

You're after something

your entire life, some goal.

Enlightenment is giving it up.

I'd like two tickets.

Do we sleep on the floor?

Probably.

I always have the tent.

Just imagine, 4:
30 am. Amazing.

- What?

- Get up.

What are you doing?

It's time to get up.

It's after 4:
30.

Back a little.

Yes, that's better.

Meditation was hell this morning.

Wonderful, the energy in the room.

But my left leg was killing me...

Come closer.

I had to keep changing positions.

Under the lamp. Back a little.

I'll say stop.

That's fine. Don't move.

It was so absolutely amazing.

I hurt all over.

Now we have prayers.

And I'm freezing my ass off.

As long as you can laugh...

You're laughing.

Out of pure hysteria, that's what.

Know the hysteria point?

Here somewhere.

Then press it.

The bet's on.

Got it.

Sh*t.

Don't make me nervous.

You're not on TV.

You're mean.

What if you lose the bet?

Clean the monastery for 4 days.

It's not right.

A mistake.

Fined two seconds.

You're allowed one, no, 2 mistakes.

Five more seconds.

No, 45. Sorry.

Like this...

And then...

Mama would be proud of you.

Hurry!

- Oh, Uwe...

- Mistake!

I think it was like this.

You think so.

Look, this is important.

In here...

And then...

That's not the way...

What did you just do?

What did I just do?

Zen or what?

Not Zen, just plain wrong.

Want to see it again?

It's clean. Why are we doing this?

They're ice cold

and I can barely move them.

- So?

- They're blue.

You have time.

Just look at my brother...

lying there

like some old hippie

on an India trip in Japan.

With shades on.

He needs his sleep. We're up early.

Too much enlightenment dazzles me.

Down there too?

High or low?

Are you crazy?

Come out of that stinking toilet.

Not so loud.

Look...

Re-adjust your weight.

Stretch out your arms.

And slide more.

Get your ass up there

and run after it.

- Push!

- It hurts.

A slighter angle...

One more time.

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

I hurt all over.

I hate wiping the floors.

I keep falling on my face.

I'm just not built for it.

And Uwe, that idiot,

does everything right,

the smartass.

Tells me:
do this, do that.

Just like he always used to.

This way, that way.

He was always like that.

Everything always had to be just so.

Don't do anything wrong.

Scared to death of that.

I try to get the routine right

because the rules

are a part of Zen.

That's okay.

But you can't expect to come here

and be perfect right away.

But I can try.

You try so hard

you break out in a sweat

if a chopstick falls down.

They know we've never done this.

That's your problem. Always was.

I remember now.

You want to be so perfect

that you get so nervous

and you pick up the cup

and drop everything.

- But not you.

- No.

You do it right.

I do plenty of things wrong.

More than enough.

Come on.

But I'm willing to learn and say, okay

and do it without feeling guilty

if I don't do it right.

You don't get it?

Neither do you.

You really don't.

It's not all about

being perfect.

- My God!

- It's about learning.

You make me sick.

- Not cold sweats.

- You're just a bullshit artist.

You put on a big show

but inside's a different

You feel just as shitty.

At least I show my fears.

I can show them.

But you can't.

Surprised?

My brother's starting to think.

Maybe you should stop thinking

and just let go.

And then I think: stay cool, Gustav.

You came here to find inner peace.

You want to free yourself.

I see a little stream and

I want to be like the water,

flowing past all my troubles

and worries.

Just flowing.

This food is special.

Here they all are. Their names...

What? Who?

This is the Abbot, the boss here.

This is his right hand.

Then he said

it wasn't the cleaning in itself.

Not about getting rid of dirt.

It's really about cleansing your heart.

That you simply sweep away

your cares and fears.

The example

he gave with the cat was nice.

When you finish

and a cat comes with dirty paws

you just start all over

and don't say,

you stupid cat and get angry

because of a few paw prints.

You just clean it again.

Get up.

Come on. We're late.

Late?

We overslept.

You're kidding. Really?

But otherwise...

Not bad at all.

Put the work space in the middle

and they'd be more together.

Feels good, huh?

The funny thing is, the next wind

will undo it all.

You hear that?

- What?

- The crows?

Sure.

Two kinds...

The ones go 'oh-oh'.

The others go 'kra-kra'.

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