Everybody Wants To Be Italian Page #4

l think l'll have that too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

And to drink?

House Chianti.

Actually, l'm thinking of something...

in a significantly higher price range.

Maybe one of your Barolos.

- Wonderful choice, madam.

- Thank you.

That was interesting.

You saved enough money, not parking.

ls this about my girlfriend?

'Cause she's cool with this.

She knows l'm here.

- She knows you're here?

- Yeah.

Just let it go. l've almost completely

forgotten about her.

Psychiatrists say you can tell

within the first five minutes...

of having dinner with someone

whether you're gonna have...

Whether...whether

it's gonna work out or not.

You can tell.

Do you have a lot of experience

with psychiatrists?

No. No! lt's just,

l hear about 'em all day long...

'cause Steve, he's studying

to get his degree.

- Psychology.

- Yeah.

He's a college man.

So what do you do?

- l'm a doctor.

- Really?

- You're shitting me.

- No!

Huh. That's so cool. What kind?

A veterinarian.

OK, so you're not a real doctor.

No, l just mean, you know,

you work with animals.

lt's not exactly humans,

that's all l'm saying.

lt's cool. l like it. l get it.

lt's just, when l think doctor,

l think, you know...

heart attack on a plane,

''ls there a doctor on board?''

That kind of thing, you know, it's so cool.

So you... And you love animals.

Yeah, well, you know, l'm suspicious

of anyone who doesn't love animals.

Or children.

Well, there you go. That's...

We got that in common.

Really? You love animals?

Do l...do l love animals?

Yeah, of... l work in a fish market.

l love kids too, l think kids are great.

l got three of 'em.

Well, they're not mine, technically.

- They're my girlfriend's.

- That's great.

- Here, l'll help you up.

- No. You know what? lt's all right.

Let's not spend a nice evening

and then have it get all awkward.

You're not coming up.

No, of course, l know, l know...that.

But l had a wonderful time tonight,

didn't you?

You told her what?

l knew you were gonna screw it up.

l knew it!

l didn't want her to find out l was involved

with someone and get disappointed.

Are you the biggest moron of all time

or just acting?

The date wasn't going so hot, anyway.

She was sending mixed signals.

She was acting all disinterested.

That's exactly what l mean.

Mixed signals are clear signals.

And why the hell tell her

you have a girlfriend?

Which you don't.

l mean, this chick is the real deal.

l mean, she's wicked hot...

and she's a doctor!

She's...she's not really a doctor.

She's a veterinarian.

- Veterinarians go to medical school.

- ln an animal hospital.

Not a hospital hospital.

She's not a real doctor.

So you would say l'm not a doctor

if l get my PhD in psychology?

Look, that's sort of different.

You would be dealing with humans.

She's dealing with animals.

Ain't a doctor.

Technically, l don't think

a psychologist is, either.

Technically, anyone with a PhD is a doctor.

A doctor of philosophy.

A doctor of English literature.

- A doctor of fine arts.

- Hold up.

l'm with Jake. They're not doctors.

Those are bullshit doctors.

They shouldn't even be able

to put ''Doctor'' in their name.

Come on!

Chiropractors, huh?

Acupuncturists. Podiatrists.

They're not doctors!

So... l save lives...

by talking people out of...

By talking people out of throwing

themselves in the tracks at North Station...

or hurling their bodies off an overpass

onto the MassPike.

All day long, l'm talking to them...

and l'm not a doctor to you?

No. But you could be.

lf you go to medical school

and become a psychiatrist.

Psychologists, man, are just another group

trying to cheat the system.

You told him!

l'm sorry.

l'm sure Harvard Medical School

has evening classes you could take.

l don't need to be a doctor.

- Just figure l'm saving people's lives.

- Oh, no, you're saving people's lives.

That's what l'm trained to do.

l save people's lives.

- l'm a lifesaver.

- You're like a comic-book hero.

Can you save me a bite of your sandwich?

Hello, Mrs. Cordova.

- lsabella!

- Hi, Mrs. Cordova.

- Hey.

- Go away.

Let's just go get a coffee, please.

l just wanna talk.

l know the kids are gone.

- l'm not letting you in. Talk.

- Really?

You can't still be mad. l...

All right, five minutes.

Five minutes.

You look really pretty.

Don't you still think about me at all?

Of course. You call me every day.

Well, that's fair enough.

But, l mean, if l didn't...

would you still?

- l'm not gonna answer that.

- So you would?

- You would!

- Jake! Children.

- The eldest one's mine anyway.

- You are crazy.

Come back to me.

OK. Your ten minutes are up.

You gotta get outta here.

Yeah, l was about to go anyway.

l mean...

You don't have

to kick me out or anything.

l was...l was about to leave anyway.

l wasn't gonna have another coffee,

you know.

Same time tomorrow?

- Hey, Papa. How are you?

- All right.

- There a holiday l don't know about?

- Banker's hours.

- Get your ass out here, we're busy.

- l'm here, l'm here.

- l saw her today!

- Treat your fleas?

Not her. Her.

- Oh. lsabella.

- Yeah.

- She made me a cappuccino.

- ln her house?

All right. That's it.

Jake, l've had it with your sh*t.

Me and Steve,

we bust our asses around here.

You come and go as you please,

all hours of the day.

Jake, it's not fair.

l got no other option here. l gotta fire you.

Fire me. You can't fire me.

- Well, l think l just did.

- l own this place.

Technically, yes.

But l promised your parents before

they died l would not let you...

- run it into the ground.

- Revenue's up 250% last quarter.

Stop chasing lsabella.

- ls that what this is about?

- Yes!

You know, call Marisa.

The one you told

you had a girlfriend?

- She hates me.

- lsabella hates you.

She still makes you cappuccino.

ltalian women, they need

to nurture their men.

- Tell her the truth...

- No, don't tell her the truth.

Tell her the truth

and she will come around.

l can't tell her anything.

She won't even accept my calls.

Do you blame her?

Hi.

- Who needs this, Eric?

- All right, buddy?

Oh, look at the happy couple.

Jakie B, what are you doing with that fish?

Kiss your wife.

My fish.

He just...

He doesn't quite seem up to it these days.

l was wondering if

the veterinarian could come out...

take a look at him.

l'm sorry, sir, but we don't take care of fish.

Why? They're animals too.

They're animals,

but they're aquatic animals.

Marine animal doctors take care of fish.

That's not our doctor's specialty.

OK.

How much?

Huh? 20?

OK, you don't like Mr. Jackson.

How about Benjamin?

Huh? ls the doctor around?

- Are you Michael?

- How's that?

Ah, this isn't about the fish.

Are you and the doctor involved?

ls it that obvious?

Let me see what l can do.

Hey.

l like your dog.

Nice.

All of these are good. Hey, smile.

Mommy, is that man a pedophile?

Hey. Paparazzi.

Are you serious?

- You...you're not the...

- Bring your fish.

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