Evolution Page #4

- I didn't steal anything.

- Your buddies there cleaned us out.

Let's be honest. You've been trying

to grab credit on our discovery.

All we're trying to do is take back

a piece ofwhat's rightfully ours.

Credit has nothing to do with this.

I'm concerned about public safety.

- Is this true? Areyou aware ofthis?

- No.

Something's in my suit.

You're not gonna believe him. He openly

admitted to hacking into our computer.

Harry, what?

There's something in my suit!

It's impossible. It's sealed!

The fy!

There's a fy in my suit!

- Don't take offyour helmet! Oxygen!

- It'll kill it.

Doyou see it?

Look, look. Doyou see it?

- No.

- No?

- You're all right. Who's the man?

- You're the man.

- No, you're the man.

- I'm the man. Okay.

Oh, God.

It's in me!

For the love ofeverything good and

holy, get this goddamn thing out ofme!

You're gonna be okay.

Cut him open. Let's get this thing.

Cut me open?

There goes your Christmas gift,Judas!

It's moving down his leg.

- What do we do?

- Maybe amputate.

Whoa, don't take the leg!

Don't let 'em take my leg.

Is there anything elseyou can do?

He thinks he's an athlete.

Doctor, look.

It's heading for his testicles.

Take it! Take the leg!

Wait, wait!

It's going the otherway.

Give me some forceps. I might be able

to catch it in his colon.

- How'reyou going in?

- Rectally.

- Ohh!

- I'll get the lubricant.

- No time for lubricant.

- There's always time for lubricant!

- Flip him!

- Go.

Okay, here we go.

- Try to relax.

- Everything's gonna be okay.

I'll shove this gurney upyour ass!

See ifyou relax, Ira.

- Cheek spreader.

- All right. I'm going in.

Don't clench!

You're so brave.

- A little more.

- No more!

- A little deeper.

- No deeper!

- Squeeze my hand. Squeeze it!

- Almost there.

Open up. Open up!

- Breathe. Breathe.

- I'm breathing!

- Almost there.

- You're there!

It's over, it's over.

Itjust died.

Don'tyou ever do that again!

The size ofthat thing insideyou! It

was like this! You took it like a man.

You're all right. You did great.

Can I getyou anything?

Ice cream.

I'd like an ice cream, please.

- What favor?

- It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

Man! Now I'm a Hawaiian warrior?

I'm thinking seriously about moving.

Maybe to California, start over.

Because ofthe fireman thing?

Big deal. You funked out.

You know how many times

I've funked in my life? A ton.

Hey, pool boy, you watering down

the mai tais?

No, sir.

But let me fixyou something special.

'Causeyou're nothing

but a big, fat monkey turd.

Excuse me?

What?

Drink's almost ready.

Hereyou go.

That should tideyou over.

Anddon'tforget, folks

That's whatyouget, folks

Formaking whoopee

Oh, damn it!

That's gonna stain.

Barry! Barry, where areyou?

I can't seeyou.

Where areyou?

I'm down here, my pet, by the water.

Somethingjust ate Barry Cartwright!

That's too bad.

I don't get it.

How does someone with your background...

credentials and talent

end up...

likeyou?

Thankyou.

Your partner could have died.

What wereyou thinking?

I was desperate.

I've been exiled out here for 5 years,

watching the world pass me by...

and this amazing discovery

falls into my lap.

I look at it as my ticket out ofhere.

But I don't suppose

you would understand that.

No, how could I? I'm a humorless

ice maiden in need ofa good humping.

- You heard that, huh?

- Loud and clear.

Don't thinkyou know

so much about me. You don't.

I'm sure I don't.

Thankyou for not calling the cops.

Oh, be careful!

Stop being such a baby.

I've seen that car before.

No more bran for me.

Hey, girls.

Hey, girls.

Stop. Cut it out.

Hey, it's the meteor guy.

What's in the bag?

Your blow-up doll?

Oh, no. I got something

thatyou're really gonna like.

- What happened toyou?

- Shut up.

You guys teach here?

Yeah.

I was thinking about taking

some classes.

But I decided to hit thejob market

early and get ajump start on things.

Can we helpyou?

Yeah. A guy got killed

at my country club last night.

A real douche bag.

Thatjust doesn't make it right.

It was an animal attack.

Isn't that something?

Happened by the water hazard

on the fourth green.

The lady he was banging saw

the whole thing.

We chased this sucker on the fairway,

and then it died in a sand trap.

Itjust died? How?

Like it was choking to death.

You know? Stopped breathing.

Anyway...

it's like nothing I ever saw before and

I thoughtyou might want to look at it.

Jill, you've got some kind

ofinfestation here.

You have a serious bug problem.

What?

Jill, there's something

in your closet.

Open the door, Grace.

Me? It's your house.

When did you get a dog?

We don't have a damn dog.

I don't think that's a dog.

It's like a rodent.

Or a muskrat or pig.

- How the hell did it get in here?

- It doesn't look too healthy.

Well, it's frightened.

Oh, look, he can barely breathe,

he's so scared.

Come on, cutie pie.

Don't be afraid.

Come on, come on.

That's a good boy.

Yes, 91 1 ?

What the hell is that thing?

Thanks.

Pick me up in an hour. No, two.

Oh, an hour and a halfwould be good.

Thanks.

Hi. Doyou have any messages for me?

Two single beds, please.

We're fighting.

Ira, I'm tired. I've had two hours sleep

and I've got to take a shower.

They're spreading.

You talking about the golfcourse?

Woodman sent a team there two hours ago.

Well, it's too bad you missed

the five-foot amphibian dead in my lab.

They're adapting.

We gotta shut it down.

You're overreacting.

We can handle this.

I used to be arrogant likeyou.

We're both aware ofwhat that led to.

Take me seriously, Allison.

I do takeyou seriously.

Then you gotta talk to Woodman,

'cause he won't listen to me.

We gotta kill these things

while we still can.

All right. I'll discuss it with him,

but I can't promiseyou anything.

Thankyou.

-Just one more thing.

- Yeah?

Doyou thinkyou could ever

be attracted to me?

Bye, Ira.

It'sjust food for thought.

Yeah, she's mine.

I've been an adjunct professor

for fouryears...

but I'm hoping this alien brouhaha

will net me an honorary doctorate.

You gonna finish that bacon?

Yeah, I'm gonna finish it.

I ordered it, didn't I?

So about the coaching girls' volleyball?

Doyou ever get

to see them take showers?

Yeah, all the time.

Sometimes I showerwith them.

You're kidding, right?

- So?

- She's gonna talk to Woodman.

Ah, thank goodness.

I'm okay.

Level with me.

Is there some sort

ofalien attack happening here?

We don't know.

Excuse me,

could I borrowyour cream?

Hi, Denise.

Hello, Ira.

Still setting the world on fire?

Ow.

That's Ira's ex

sitting with the cop.

What's with the police escort? You're

not under arrest. I don't see handcuffs.

That's funny. This is my friend, Sam.

He's about to make detective.

I know Sam. We go way back.

Congratulations.

Maybeyou could look into my missing

shirts. She left with some ofmy shirts.

See what I mean?

I'm not up on the law...

but is it against the law when you leave

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