Excuse Me for Living Page #3

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- YOU LOOK FAMILIAR.

DO I KNOW YOU?

- I'M LAURA, PROFESSOR.

WHEN SHALL WE:

MEET AGAIN?

IN THUNDER, LIGHTNING,

OR IN RAIN?

WHY DON'T I PICK YOU UP

AT YOUR OFFICE:

WEDNESDAY AT NOON,

AND WE'LL HAVE LUNCH.

SPLENDID.

OKAY, IF I HAVE TO GIVE HER

HALF THE COMPANY,

I WILL.

SHE'S BEEN MY WIFE

FOR 30 YEARS, AFTER ALL.

YOU ALREADY GAVE HER

HALF FIVE YEARS AGO

FOR ESTATE-PLANNING PURPOSES.

HER ATTORNEY WANTS MORE.

WHAT? THE GOLD-DIGGER.

WE'VE ONLY BEEN MARRIED

FOR 30 YEARS.

SIT.

NINETY PERCENT.

- NINETY PERCENT?!

- ( wheezing cough )

( wheezing continues )

THAT'S PRACTICALLY

HIS ENTIRE...

( gasping )

PRACTICALLY HIS:

ENTIRE NET WORTH,

MS. DAVIDSON.

YOU ARE LUCKY WE'RE LEAVING HIM

WITH HIS JOCKEY SHORTS.

HONEY BUNCH, YOU KNOW IT'S ONLY

YOU I EVER REALLY LOVED.

OH, I WISH I COULD

BELIEVE YOU.

IS THAT WHAT YOU SAY

TO HER, TOO?

IF YOU HADN'T SPEN SO MUCH TIME A THE ART CENTER, I NEVER--

AND TELL YOUR CLIEN NEVER TO TALK TO MINE AGAIN

IF HE WANTS TO KEEP

HIS... UNDERWEAR.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T LOOK AT THAT.

DANIEL, DANIEL,

DANIEL.

HOW COULD YOU DO THIS

AGAIN TO YOUR MOTHER AND ME?

WHY DOES EVERYTHING

THAT HAPPENS TO ME

HAVE TO DO WITH:

YOU AND MOM?

YOU GOT A BEAUTIFUL

VIEW HERE.

YOU KNOW THAT, DANIEL?

HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE TODAY?

IT'S GORGEOUS.

YOU'RE LICKING YOUR CHOPS

OVER ELAINE, NO DOUBT.

IS SHE ON THE BEACH

BOUNCING HER TITS IN VOLLEYBALL?

YOU'RE VERY

RUDE, DANIEL.

HOW CAN YOU THROW

YOUR LIFE AWAY LIKE THIS?

YOU WHO HAD EVERY ADVANTAGE

IN LIFE, EVERY POSSIBILITY.

EVERY POSSIBILITY?

IS IT TOO LATE TO BE A PENGUIN?

YOUR LIFE IS NO A SITCOM, BOYCHICK.

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

TO BE SO THANKLESS.

WHAT ARE YOU:

DOIN' HERE?

DANIEL IS:

MY SON, TOO.

ANYWAY, I'M NO SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT'S THA SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

ARE THE TWO OF YOU

FINALLY GETTING A DIVORCE?

- YES.

- NO.

I LOVE YOUR MOTHER.

YOU GOT A FUNNY WAY

TO SHOW IT.

( stammers )

COUPLES HAVE PROBLEMS,

BUT THEY WORK THEM OUT.

LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU COME

TO UNIVERSAL LIKE YOUR SISTER?

WE'LL MAKE YOU

A VICE-PRESIDENT OR SOMETHING.

AND THE PAY IS NO SO BAD, EITHER.

I MEAN, 100 GRAND A YEAR

WILL KEEP THE WOLF AWAY,

AS LONG AS MOMMY

AND DADDY PROVIDE

A HOLIDAY BONUS:

AND A NEW CAR:

EVERY NOW AND THEN.

AND WASTE MY LIFE

BEING A JUNK DEALER LIKE YOU?

YOU WATCH:

YOUR TONGUE.

YOUR FATHER'S COMPANY,

TOO UNDIGNIFIED FOR

AN IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE BOY,

KEEPS US IN LUXURY, PAL,

AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

YOU KNOW, HE DIDN'T HAVE

A FATHER WHO GAVE HIM

EVERYTHING UNDER GOD'S CREATION.

WHY SEND ME TO YALE

IF YOU JUST WANT ME

TO TAKE OVER THE BUSINESS?

NO, WE WANT YOU

TO GROW UP.

BUT AS YOU SAY,

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.

WHAT KIND OF SON

DID WE RAISE, ANYWAY?

( sighs heavily )

GLAD YOU CAME,

MOM AND DAD.

REALLY.

( men talking quietly )

OH, DAN, BRING

YOUR CUP OVER HERE,

AND COME AND MEE THE MEN, ALL RIGHT?

GOT A SPECIAL GUES THIS EVENING.

DANIEL TOPLER.

I WAS HOPING ALL OF YOU

WOULD BE AGREEABLE

TO HAVING HIM ATTEND

SOME MORE SESSIONS.

CERTAINLY. WHY NOT.

JACK, WHY DOES A YOUNG MAN

LIKE HIM WANT TO COMMUNE

WITH A BUNCH OF:

OLD FOGIES?

MORTY MAVIS.

PLEASED TO MEET YOU.

MORTY IS:

A BUSINESS CONSULTANT.

WELL, UH, FOR ME,

I GUESS YOU SHOULD

ALL KNOW--

DANIEL, LET ME DO

THE INTRODUCTION,

ALL RIGHT?

DANIEL'S A MEDICAL STUDEN IN HIS FIRST YEAR A STONY BROOK,

AND I UNDERSTAND

HE'S CONSIDERING GERONTOLOGY

AS, WELL,

AS A SPECIALTY.

( men chuckling )

I FIGURED IF HE ME YOU OLD GUYS,

I COULD POSSIBLY

DISCOURAGE HIM FROM THAT.

( laughter )

SO YOU'RE GONNA BE

A DOCTOR, IS THAT IT?

WELL--

I'VE BEEN A TRADER FOR ALMOS

AND VERY SUCCESSFULLY, TOO,

I MIGHT ADD.

I LEFT MY FIRM LAST MONTH.

OH, I'M ROB VITRIOFF.

THEY ASKED ME TO STAY,

OF COURSE,

- BUT FOR WHAT, I ASK YOU?

- I THINK--

I CAN TRADE JUST AS WELL

AT HOME NOW WITH THE INTERNET.

MY TIME IS MY OWN.

DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M GETTIN' AT?

YES. YOU ONLY BORE

YOURSELF NOW.

GLENN HERE.

TRACY AUSPITZ.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

AND TRACY WAS A FORMER DEPUTY

ADMINISTRATOR FOR THE E.P.A.

HELPED DRAF THE U.S. CLEAN WATER AC BACK IN THE EARLY '70s.

- NO KIDDING.

- THANK GOD WE GO

SOME GOOD GUYS IN GOVERNMENT.

IT SURE AIN' THE MAJORITY

IN CONGRESS.

I SEE SAM BOTKIN IS BEING

HIS USUAL CHEERY SELF.

HIS COMPUTER PROGRAM DESIGNED

THE VERRAZANO BRIDGE.

HARRY ROSENTHAL.

HARRY IS A FORMER

MUSICAL DIRECTOR OF

THE METROPOLITAN OPERA.

YEAH?

I'M DAVID, A P.R. MAN

WITH A COUPLE OF CLIENTS LEFT.

WELCOME, DANIEL.

I'M BARRY.

NO LONGER THE YOUNGSTER

OF THIS GROUP.

ONLY 60. A BABY!

BUT DESPITE HIS YOUTH,

HE'S A FAMOUS

CLASSICAL SCHOLAR.

NOW THAT THAT'S

TAKEN CARE OF,

WHAT SHOULD WE:

BEGIN WITH FIRST, HUH?

LET'S HUDDLE ON

OUR MAIN NEMESIS,

OUR CHILDREN.

DON'T GET ME STARTED

TALKING ABOUT MY CHILD CHUCKY.

HE'S SO INFANTILE.

NOW I CAN' SPEAK TO HIM,

OR EVEN MY GRANDDAUGHTER

CAROL ANYMORE.

WE USED TO GET TOGETHER FOR

GRANDDAD-GRANDDAUGHTER TIMES.

SHE WON'T SAY

TWO WORDS TO ME NOW.

HE'S GETTING DIVORCED,

AND HE'S STILL LIVING AT HOME.

IT'S TERRIBLE FOR CAROL.

SHE'S CAUGHT BETWEEN

HER PARENTS.

- YOU CAN'T HELP.

- NO.

I CAN'T HELP.

HE'S MY SON,

CAROL IS MY:

GRANDDAUGHTER,

AND I CAN'T HELP.

I CAN ONLY WATCH.

AT LEAST WE'RE LUCKY

WE ALL HAVE CHILDREN

WE CAN RELY ON.

I DON'T HAVE

ANY CHILDREN:

I CAN RELY ON.

MORTY, YOU GO TWO GROWN KIDS.

IF YOU'RE IN TROUBLE,

YOU CALL THEM.

YOU, JACK.

YOU I'LL CALL

IF I'M SICK,

NOT MY CHILDREN.

I HARDLY TALK TO THEM.

YOU ALL REMEMBER WHEN

I GOT BAR MITZVAHED AGAIN?

YOU ALL WERE THERE.

- YEAH.

- YES.

MY KIDS COULDN'T BELIEVE

THEY THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE

THE ONLY ONES:

WHO WOULD BE THERE.

THERE'S YOUR SISTER

YOU COULD CALL:

IF YOU WERE ILL.

HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER

IN OVER A YEAR.

AND FORGET ABOUT MY EX.

NOT ON SPEAKING TERMS.

( men chattering

and laughing )

IT'S NOT EASY NOT BEING

THE MAIN GUY ANYMORE.

WE ALL KNOW THA BY NOW.

( men continue

talking )

WELL, GENTLEMEN,

THAT DOES IT FOR TONIGHT.

WRITING THE NEX GREAT NOVEL?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I AM.

ARE YOU WAITING FOR

YOUR FATHER, TOO?

YEP. SURE AM.

UM...

LAURA.

LAURA. ONE OF

MY FAVORITE MOVIES.

THE GORGEOUS STAR

WAS VERY NEARLY:

AS CAPTIVATING AS YOU.

UH, RIGHT.

I DON'T BELIEVE

WE'VE MET BEFORE.

WHO'S YOUR DAD?

IT'S...

HIM.

GEE, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

TO MEET DR. BERNSTEIN'S SON.

NOW YOU HAVE.

LUCKY YOU AND LUCKIER ME.

WELL, HELLO, SWEETHEART.

DANIEL, I SEE YOU'VE ME MY DAUGHTER LAURA.

I'VE HAD THAT PLEASURE.

THANK YOU, DR. BERNSTEIN.

LISTEN, SWEETIE,

I THINK WE SHOULD

GET HOME RIGHT AWAY.

AND I'LL SEE YOU

TOMORROW, DANIEL.

T.T.F.N., DANIEL.

CAN'T CATCH A BREAK.

Driver:
THERE HE IS,

MISS DAVIDSON.

AHA. HOW ARE YOU,

THOMAS?

AND HOW ARE:

YOUR GRANDCHILDREN?

THEY'RE JUST DANDY,

PROFESSOR.

YOU'RE LOOKIN' MIGHTY FINE.

MAKIN' TIME WITH THE CO-EDS?

YOU MAKE ME BLUSH, SIR.

- YOU KNOW THOMAS?

- USUAL PLACE?

MORE SECRETS.

EVERYONE KNOWS:

THIS MAN BUT ME.

AND WHERE ARE WE GOING?

I THOUGHT I WAS:

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