Excuse Me for Living Page #7

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SO DAMN HOT FOR ME?

LET'S ASK YOUR FATHER

THESE QUESTIONS RIGH NOW, WHY DON'T WE?

SEE WHAT HE HAS TO SAY

ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER

SNIFFING BLOW.

DON'T DO THAT.

MY FATHER'S TOO ILL.

IT WOULD KILL HIM.

I'M GOING.

WE'RE GOING.

THIS IS OUR RELATIONSHIP?

MARKET RESEARCH:

FOR THE GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL?

"THE ARMED AND DANGEROUS

POVERTY-STRICKEN BOY

"COULDN'T WAIT TO

RELIEVE HIS LUST.

"HE FORCED HER INTO

A NEARBY MOTEL:

"WHERE HE RAVISHES

THE STUNNING BRALESS

AND NEARLY UNCONSCIOUS

AUTHOR."

WELL, I AM... OOH!

UNEMPLOYED, BUT I WOULDN' EXACTLY CALL MYSELF

DESTITUTE, LAURA.

AND WHO WANTS:

TO RAVISH WHO?

RAVISH WHOM?

AND GO GET YOUR OWN JOB

IF YOU CAN.

THIS IS NONE OF:

YOUR BUSINESS.

YOU KNOW I'M CRAZY

ABOUT YOU, DON'T YOU, LAURA?

YOU ARE CRAZY. PERIOD.

BUT NOT ONLY:

IN A BAD WAY.

LET'S TALK.

IS TALK:

THE FOUR-LETTER WORD

YOU HAD IN MIND?

DR. BERNSTEIN WAS TAKEN

TO THE HOSPITAL.

HE'S IN SEVERE PAIN.

LET ME HAVE:

MY CAR KEYS, HELEN.

DR. HEINE HAS 'EM, HONEY.

( knocking on door )

PLEASE ENTER.

A VERY GOOD AFTERNOON

TO YOU, DR. HEINE.

I'M DANIEL TOPLER--

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

OKAY. BEFORE YOU LEAVE

FOR THE WEEKEND,

I THOUGHT I WOULD COME IN

AND GET ACQUAINTED.

LET YOU KNOW ABOU THE ROUTINE

THAT DR. BERNSTEIN

AND I HAVE.

I WAS SAD TO HEAR

OF HIS ILLNESS.

PROBABLY WON' MAKE IT, I IMAGINE.

- YOU GOT A LO OF NERVE--

- YES.

WELL, I WOULD LIKE

TO PAY HIM A VISIT.

WHILE I'M HERE, I WOULD

LIKE TO GET THE KEYS TO MY CAR

OR MY MONEY IN THE SAFE

FOR A CAB.

OUT OF THE QUESTION.

THANK YOU FOR:

COMING, DANIEL.

WE WILL BE SEEING

A GREAT DEAL OF EACH OTHER,

BUT YOU MUS LEAVE NOW.

AUF WIEDERSEHEN.

I DON'T THINK

THIS MEN'S GROUP YOU ATTEND

CAN HELP YOU.

SO YOU WON'T BE NEEDING

THE KEYS FOR THAT, EITHER.

HAVE A PLEASANT WEEKEND.

THAT SCARFY THING.

MY, OH, MY.

LOOK WHAT BIRD:

THE CAT DRAGGED IN

FROM THE LOONEY BIN

NEXT DOOR.

STILL FEELING HUFFY,

DANDY MAN, OR ARE YOU

JUST COMING TO THE BASH EARLY?

- LOOK, BRUCIE--

- SO IT'S BRUCIE

AGAIN, IS IT?

YOU GONNA THROW ME

OUT THE WINDOW, TOO?

ANY MORE OF THOSE

SHENANIGANS, OLD MAN,

AND I'LL BE FORCED

TO CROSS YOU OFF

MY INVITATION LIST.

I'M SORRY FOR

THE OTHER NIGHT.

WHAT HAPPENS TO ME

IS MY FAULT, NOT YOURS.

EXACTAMENT, MON AMI.

MY APOLOGIES:

TO THE CHIPSTER.

POOR GUY COULDN' FORCE A LIFE-SIZE

PLASTIC DOLL:

- TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM.

- HE'S TRIED, I ASSURE YOU.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT.

WE'VE KNOWN

EACH OTHER FOREVER.

SO... YOU'RE HERE

TO CAROUSE NICELY

THIS TIME?

BRUCIE, DO YOU EVER

PARTAKE OF THE PIXIE DUS THAT YOU SERVE AT THE PARTIES?

ME? NO, NEVER

TOUCH THE STUFF.

NEVER?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER

THE VERY FIRST TIME

THE FOUR OF US:

EVER BOUGHT SNOW TOGETHER

ON CHRISTMAS VACATION?

- WE ALL GOT RIPPED.

- HOW COULD I NOT REMEMBER?

YOU GOT SO STONED THA WE HAD TO CARRY YOU

TO THE PARKING GARAGE.

MM-HMM.

YOU BEGGED US:

NOT TO TELL ANYONE,

OTHERWISE YOU MIGHT NO GET THE AWARD FOR

HEAD STUDENT AGAIN.

YOU WERE THE SCHOOL STAR.

IT WAS FUNNY TO SEE YOU

SO SPACED OUT.

BUT YOU TOOK SOME, TOO.

WE ALL DID.

NO, DANDY MAN.

ONLY YOU.

RONNIE, CHIPSTER AND I

ALL FAKED IT.

WE WERE TOO SCARED

TO TRY THE STUFF.

NONE OF THE FOUR OF US

HAVE EVER DUSTED OUR NOSES

WITH COKE BUT YOU, PAL.

I DO NEED A FAVOR.

BUT FIRST...

I WILL GIVE HIM:

THE FAVOR.

THAT WON'T BE

NECESSARY, PIROT.

WHAT THE HELL:

WAS THAT FOR?

THE DRUGS I'VE TAKEN

HAVE ALWAYS COME FROM YOU.

YOU COULD'VE BEEN

A BETTER FRIEND... BRUCIE.

YOU WERE ALWAYS:

THE BRILLIANT ONE

IN SCHOOL, DAN.

EVERYTHING ALWAYS CAME

SO EASILY TO YOU.

AND I NEVER THOUGHT IT,

I SWEAR,

BUT MAYBE IT WAS

TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.

IS THAT SLUG TO MY CHIN

THE ONLY FAVOR YOU WANTED?

NO.

I NEED YOUR CAR.

AND SOME MONEY.

PIROT, INVITE THOSE TWINS

AGAIN FROM AMSTERDAM.

THEY WERE A BIG HIT.

( phone ringing )

Charlotte:
WE HAVE UNFINISHED

BUSINESS, DANNY.

COME TO:

150 CENTRAL PARK SOUTH.

CHARLOTTE'S

WAITING FOR YOU. COME NOW.

YES. COME NOW.

SO DAN THINKS:

HE'S INVINCIBLE, DOES HE?

( knocking on door )

YOU DIDN'T TELL ME

WE WERE GOING BOWLING, CHARLIE.

I WOULD'VE BROUGH MY OWN BALL.

NO MAN IS INVINCIBLE.

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

LET'S DO LUNCH.

JUST VISITING.

BARRY'S NEXT.

( phone ringing )

Laura:
DAN, WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M WORRIED.

HELEN SAID YOU LEF L.F.O.D. HOURS AGO.

I'M JUST STUCK IN

HEAVY TRAFFIC, LAURA,

BUT I'LL BE A THE HOSPITAL SOON.

BARRY, OPEN UP

THE DOOR NOW.

ZOE?

A PLEASANT SURPRISE,

EVEN AT THIS LATE HOUR.

( door buzzer buzzes )

YOU ARE GETTING LAID.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, ZOE?

YOU SEEM DISTRESSED.

NO. I SAID GET IN

THE BEDROOM NOW.

( chuckles )

YOU ARE GOING:

TO BED ALONE.

DO NOT COME OU UNTIL THE MORNING.

I NEED SOME REST.

WOMEN.

Charlotte:
IT WAS

SO SHITTY OF ME.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, LAURA.

THAT WAS CHARLIE, HUH?

DID I EVER TELL YOU THE ONE

ABOUT THE TRAVELING SALESMAN

WITH THE BROKEN-DOWN CAR WHO

KNOCKS ON THE FARMHOUSE DOOR?

JUST LEAVE.

THE DOOR OPENS,

AND THE SALESMAN SAYS,

I SELL INSURANCE,

AND I NEED TO:

- SLEEP HERE TONIGHT.

- GET OUT.

SECURITY? YES, THERE IS

A DANGEROUS INTRUDER

- IN MY FATHER'S ROOM.

- SO THE FARMER SAYS,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO

SLEEP WITH MY DAUGHTER,

OR WITH MY MAGIC PIG?

PLEASE ARREST THIS LUNATIC.

HE FORCED HIS WAY IN

MY FATHER'S ROOM.

WELL, THAT DEPENDS,

SAYS THE SALESMAN.

WHICH ONE CAN SIGN

THE PREMIUM CHECKS?

LAURA, I'D RATHER SLEEP WITH

THE DOCTOR'S DAUGHTER

THAN WITH HER:

SORCERESS FRIEND.

JUST SIGN THE CHECK!

YOU KNOW, YOU ONLY GO YOURSELF TO BLAME,

BECAUSE I'M NO LEAVING HERE... EVER.

SUIT YOURSELF, ZOE DEAR.

YOU'LL BE COMMITTING YOURSELF

TO A BORING PROFESSOR'S LIFE

OF LECTURES ON:

DEAD GREEK POETS,

TRIPS TO MOUNTAIN

OBSERVATORIES,

AND SEASON TICKETS

TO THE YANKEES.

AHA! THAT'S IT!

YOU'RE A GONER NOW

FOR SURE.

THIS IS YOUR LAS CHANCE TO BOLT, PROFESSOR.

I'M GONNA CALL THOMAS

AND HAVE HIM BRING

MY THINGS OVER.

ASK HIM TO PLEASE

BE CAREFUL WITH THAT TELESCOPE.

WHAT ELSE CAN THAT WITCH

CHARLOTTE DAVIDSON WANT FROM ME?

MAYBE YOU'RE NOT GONNA

GET TO KEEP YOUR

JOCKEY SHORTS, AFTER ALL.

I HIRED YOU AS:

A LEGAL SHARK.

YOU TURNED OU TO BE A MINNOW!

( agonized screaming )

AL! AL, YOU OKAY?

MY PITY PITCH:

HAS NEVER FAILED ME.

WATCH AND LEARN.

ALBERT, WHAT'S THE MATTER?

HARRIET, DARLING,

IS THAT YOU?

I CAN'T SEE.

OH, IT IS YOU.

HARRIET. HARRIET,

ALWAYS REMEMBER:

THAT I LOVED YOU,

AND IN HEAVEN,

I WILL FORGIVE YOU.

- FORGIVE ME?

- YES.

YES, FORGIVE YOU,

BUT NOT YOUR:

SHYSTER LAWYER.

CALL AN AMBULANCE.

I DON'T THINK THA WILL BE NECESSARY, ALBERT.

I THINK A LITTLE

MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION

- WILL DO THE TRICK.

- YES, MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

MOUTH-TO-MOUTH.

GO AHEAD AND:

SAVE YOUR FRIEND.

HUH?

- WHO ME?

- YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID.

ALL RIGHT,

TAKE MY JOCKEYS.

HA HA. KEEP THEM ON.

I HAVE CHANGED MY DIVORCE

PRACTICE TO MEDIATION.

I WANNA TRY TO BRING

THE TWO OF YOU CLOSER AGAIN,

AS A COUPLE.

I NEVER WANTED:

A DIVORCE,

OR THE MONEY.

BUT YOU NEEDED:

A LESSON FOR HURTING ME.

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