Expresso Bongo Page #8

I personally recommend it.'

Signed Beast.

- Can't you get off it?

- Not since I was 12.

Sort of takes you by the throat, Bongo.

Got no time for all that jazz.

Besides, I got other problems.

Wish I had other problems.

- Hi, guv.

- So, what new gimmick have you spawned?

It's another Bongo in the moronic so far.

'When I beat my chick with a solid rock.'

Look, get with it, Beast.

Mayer wants something different!

So, why can't this be different?

We could put some more echo on Bongo,

wire up something or other.

Sing it for the guv, kid.

No, I just can't get with it today.

- I don't know what's the matter with me.

- It's that mother of yours.

Hmm? Has she been here?

No, but she's been in all the expressos

looking for me.

Mother! Hmm, Mother!

Mother! Maybe that's it!

A new kind of rock-with-Mother song!

A sort of Oedipus rock! Yeah,

that's what we should be doing, Beast!

Putting down in music what...

What Bongo and all the other kids

in the country is worried about!

- Me? I'm just an ordinary kid.

- Yeah, yeah.

Save the humility for the press.

Now, we've got to be

analytical about this.

Well, look at the headlines you've had.

For a few days, you've become

a sort of national anti-hero.

You're every poor little fish

in the country,

only covered in gold chips!

- Who, me?

- Yes, you, you talented little berk!

You've got a chip on your shoulder

and an H-bomb in your pants.

A sneer, a twitch, a hell in your head!

It's you against the world, baby,

and the world loves you for hating it.

That's what this is, a great hate number!

I've just had a vision!

That simple priest on TV the other night,

if he can get our message,

the least we can do is get his!

Now, so far, what have we got in the act?

- Sex?

- We've got.

- Beat? Violence?

- We've got. We've got. We've got.

- Bash! We need more bash.

- All that, we've got!

We've got it all, except one thing!

Religion! We've got to get religion!

Where are you going? Heaven?

Gent... Gent... Gentlemen!

So, Miss Collins is a little late.

After all, she's a lady. Isn't she?

- Only by sex.

- It's the routine star treatment.

I'm Surprised Dixie can still

remember the routine.

Rosemary's getting so terribly late.

I'm sorry, I really can't wait any more.

But Patricia, my sweet, I know how much

Dixie is longing to talk to you.

So are plenty others, dear,

provided I quote them.

What would we poor press agents do

without your marvellous column?

Yes, have another cocktail.

It's a privilege for Garrick Records

that Miss Collins comes to us.

For England, too, Mr Mayer.

Falling stars are just what we need.

What are we playing at?

I'm tired and I've got a deadline to meet.

To me, dear, you always look

as fresh as a midday edition.

I've got three more of these

tea parties to get to.

No, Eddie, don't be like that!

Angels, in all these years,

have I ever let you down?

Look, I know it's her natural environment,

but do you think you could possibly

drag your client out of the bedroom?

Ladies and gentlemen of the press,

your hostess, Miss Dixie Collins.

Hello, darlings! How perfectly

wonderful of you all to come.

Boys, boys, please! Will some gorgeous

gentleman get me a drink?

What exactly is the truth about

your fourth marriage, Miss Collins?

The same tragedy as the third, darling,

but then, with me,

everything goes in cycles.

Up and down, up and down!

Why is it so long

since you visited England, Miss Collins?

Oh, you know, so many dates,

so many husbands,

none of them English. What a pretty dress!

Dixie, there's some doubt

about your date of birth.

Would you care to clear it up?

Certainly, darling. I'm Scorpio.

And you're Patricia Lewis.

Simply everybody reads

your column back in America.

- Hello!

- Dixie,

whatever became of that

young flamenco singer?

The California oranges just didn't

agree with him, the poor darling,

so I re-exported him back to Spain.

Miss Collins.

Thank you. Gee, it's sure tough

to get a drink at this party.

- She can look after herself, that girl.

- Use has developed the muscles.

You got to admit it, she looks marvellous.

I admit it, but I can't enjoy it.

- Oh, no!

- Which paper are you?

The Financial Times.

I just had to see you, Mr Mayer.

I've got a great idea for Bongo.

It's haunting me.

All right, but not now. Come to my office.

But it's almost classical.

At the same time, it's got

a reverential attitude towards life.

- You're not holding my attention. Go!

- It's a sort of Ave Maria with heart!

- Italian numbers are out.

- In a word, Mr Mayer, religion!

You're a bloody nuisance,

but you're a trier.

All right, I'll buy religion.

So, take a drink and go.

There's a good one!

What shows are you doing here,

Miss Collins?

Well, I know

Gus has arranged a TV spectacular.

It's a beautiful show, beautiful!

What will the rest of the show be?

We hope to book

some of that wonderful talent

you have so much of in this country.

- Like who, for example?

- Like whom, for example?

Well, like Bongo Herbert, for example.

What do you think of Bongo Herbert, Dixie?

I'd just love another drink!

- To the rich in heart.

- Thank you.

I'll get another. And thank you.

You've never even heard of Bongo,

have you, Miss Collins?

Does anybody have an American cigarette?

Bongo is one of our

most promising younger stars,

a real Garrick find.

I have always done everything I could

to help young talent on.

- That's so true.

- Can we say that

Bongo will be in your show, then,

Miss Collins?

Any kid Gus Mayer says is promising

is gonna get a big push from me.

Got it?

Good quote.

Well, that's it, everybody. Goodbye.

Anybody coming to the Savoy?

- Going so soon?

- I'm sorry, Rosemary.

We've got four stars waiting for us,

including Son of Lassie.

Jack, darling, why not stay?

I promise you,

we'll give you a completely new angle.

Sorry, darling, she's had her moment. Bye.

Jack, darling! Jack!

So how are you, my precious?

Elated and exhausted, Gus.

We'll have one glass of champagne, alone.

No more for me, thanks.

I'm getting a bit burpy.

And sorry I had to throw you

to the wolves.

Any man who can pre-sell 50,000 records

for me can throw me anywhere he likes.

To the too-long-delayed return

of a great lady.

You know, Gus,

I hope this whole thing comes off.

I'm getting so cold over there that,

for the first time in my life,

I'm terrified.

Travel hopefully, darling.

I'm making a tele-recording made

of the Dixie Collins show.

And I'll send it straight to New York.

They'll go mad for it!

Gus! Would you like to be

my sixth husband?

- Do I look like Henry VIII?

- Who the hell is Pinky?

- Your second.

- Oh, yes, the heel.

All these years, she didn't care

about her darling son.

But now she thinks I'm making

some money, she wants the lot.

You ought to go and see her, Bongo.

She's probably very proud of you.

Well, she's too late.

I've always been alone,

and that's the way it's gonna stay.

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