Fart: A Documentary Page #6

Synopsis: The history and humor of the fart
 
IMDB:
4.4
TV-PG
Year:
2016
74 min
241 Views


- ( woman cheering )

The first known item

that resembled a whoopee cushion

was used by a Roman emperor

by the name of...

Elagabalus.

And he tried

to get me to go sit down

and tried to,

you know, be all nice

and lead me

by my hand

and-- like he was gonna

see his mother and all...

And I saw the thing

underneath my seat cover

and that blew

the whole thing off of him--

all of 'em.

So, I didn't sit on it.

( audience cheering )

This company

put the word "whoopee"

on-- on-- on--

on this cushion--

whoopee cushion--

and bingo.

Then years later

in the early 1900s,

two factory workers

who were experimenting

with leftover scraps

of rubber...

( farting )

...discovered

that if they glued

two pieces

of rubber together,

they could make them

"farter face."

( farting )

- ( audience cheering )

- Man:
Go! Go!

It wasn't

the sort of thing

that you would put,

have a big advertisement

in the "New Yorker," you know?

( audience cheering )

But the thing, you know,

caught on and-- and--

uh, and these were like

mail-order companies.

The owner

of Gem Rubber Co.,

the company where

the factory workers worked,

took this new item

to the marketing geniuses

of Samuel Adams

of sneezing powder fame

in the early 1900s,

but he passed

on the product

saying that it was completely

and totally undignified.

You'd see them

in the back of a--

of a-- just a regular

magazine comic book

and order it

and they would

send it to your door.

And it became

part of our culture.

The rubber guy then went

to Sam's competitor...

That one was silent.

...the Johnson-Smith

Company.

He sold novelty items

such as fake vomit,

X-ray goggles,

and a buzzing handshaker.

- ( fart )

- ( audience cheering )

I don't even know

if people use 'em

as whoopee

cushions anymore.

I think they buy 'em

just to have it, you know,

just showing somebody

a whoopee cushion

has the effect.

He saw the inherent value

in the whoopee cushion,

and he began marketing

it immediately.

At which point

Samuel Adams then said,

"Hey,

that's a great idea."

And made his own version

of the whoopee cushion

called the

raspberry cushion,

which is what

the English people

call farts.

You know, it's like

Pavlov's dog at this point.

All you have to do

is see the thing

and then they laugh.

- You know?

- ( fart )

( people grunting,

laughing)

Pee-ew!

( audience chanting )

Go! Go! Go!

( cheering )

Announcer:

Three, two, one.

( airhorn blares )

Oh, hello and welcome

to "Fart by Mail."

You might be

asking yourself,

"What exactly

is 'Fart by Mail'"?

In the back it said,

"Farts just like Dad

used to make."

Oh, that should be good.

( fart )

It's a mail order

fart service

where we send farts

to your friends for you.

( farting )

( man laughing )

Your friends

also get a stunning

professionally printed

high-gloss

full colored

greeting card.

( farting )

Your custom message,

a heinous odor,

and a hilarious

fart sound.

I peeled something

that said "peel off."

It says,

"Smell here."

I think I would

avoid that at all cost.

It smells

like real poo.

Yeah, I guess

that would be from our son.

( man laughing )

Um, I saw a

fart extinguisher

which had...

It was an air freshener,

but it was in a little

extinguisher bottle.

It was very-- very clever.

Quite a practical joke.

It would've been a gift

to give you father.

Um...

You saw the Santa

fart doll.

Oh.

( bell tinkling )

Woman:

On the first day

of Christmas

My true love

said to me

'Twas the night

before Christmas

and all through

the house,

not a creature

was stirring,

not even a--

( farting )

Ho ho ho ho!

Santa Claus was saying

"The Night Before Christmas"

and he let it rip

and he'd laugh

and then he'd modify

his story a little bit

to include it.

It was a-- yeah,

it's a strange thing.

And all the cookies,

I hold in my cap,

I had just settled down

to take a big--

( farting uncontrollably )

It's just--

it's beginning to smell

a lot like Christmas!

( farting continues )

( laughing )

Here comes Santa Claus.

( farting )

( laughing )

Radio DJ:

Ooh wee!

Ever notice

how possum taters

and chicken fried antlers

go right through ya?

- She'll be comin' around

- ( farts )

- She'll be comin' around

- ( farts )

She'll be coming

round the mountain

- When she comes

- ( farts )

I think they

normally complain,

but are laughing

on the inside.

No, we complain

about the smell.

That's a whole

'nother thing.

( speaking native language )

( chattering )

Lots of comedy

in the UK is actually

based around, uh,

farting, isn't it?

Good-- yeah,

I like the idea.

Bloody good.

He try--

I think when people

onstage get nervous,

the muscle tenses up,

they're unable to fart

it's very difficult

to come up here and fart.

When my daughter was little,

she'd sit on my lap

and she'd fart

and, "Oh, my God."

Jaken, you're the king

of walking by someone

and farting

and then leaving.

What do we call that?

( muttering )

whispering:

You know, crop dusting.

Crop dusting.

( laughing )

There was a time

and a place though,

but my Mom and Dad

when we would go

to the grocery store,

my Dad would, you know,

leave one somewhere

waiting for my Mom

to walk in and it'd be like...

( laughing )

Or you're walking through

the mall or something,

you're like, oh my God,

what is that...?

'Cause you know

it wasn't you.

But somebody left that market

and there is no one there.

It was that bad

that it just kinda

sat there for a while.

- ( laughing )

- Never mind.

No matter how hard I pray

My gas won't go away

I'll know

that it's not okay

The foul stench

of flatulence

comes from the bacteria

inside our intestines.

In the process of converting

food into useful nutrients,

the bacteria produces

a smelly byproduct called...

Fart generating

ingredients include...

What's unusual is,

how loud or how stinky.

That's what sets--

that's what sets you apart.

I think

it's different

f you're the donor

or the receiver.

( farting )

Dr. Wycoff:

You know the odor issue

really runs the gamut.

It probably

relates more

to the type of foods

that you had to eat.

So I don't think

odor is something

that you can reproducibly

or predictably

use as an indicator.

Certainly

a persistent foul odor

that's maybe

different than the past

and continues maybe

of some significance.

But for the clinician,

it's very hard to use odor

as a gauge

of what's going on.

You know, typically

when you have a loud fart,

it doesn't smell.

Female interviewer:

What's worse,

noisy or stinky?

Oh, stinky.

No, it's a smell-noise

thing, isn't it?

No, the smell is terrible,

but if it's not noisy

and you don't know

who's done...

Female interviewer:

Is this true?

Nothing worse

than a silent stinker.

You know, usually

you got the noise maker

- that has no impact.

- ( fart noise )

And then those

silent but deadly ones

that kinda

clear the room.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote

Troy Hale

All Troy Hale scripts | Troy Hale Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Fart: A Documentary" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Aug. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/fart:_a_documentary_8025>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    Who directed "The Grand Budapest Hotel"?
    A Quentin Tarantino
    B Christopher Nolan
    C Wes Anderson
    D Martin Scorsese