Fart: A Documentary Page #7

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He's both all in one.

We got the best

of both worlds.

Yeah, he's got--

he's both.

I'm a toss-up.

You never know.

You never know.

And then you have--

you come into

which is the most

obnoxious type, is it?

- The silent but violent.

- That's bad.

Or the noisy

but innocent.

Worse, in terms

of producing humor,

uh, I think,

noise has more potential

to produce humor.

( chattering )

( farting )

( men shouting )

As far as what might

make me a bit squeamish,

I think

it's the smell.

I don't know

if he held it in

for that time or what.

You know,

the noise is funny,

but when it smells

so bad...

- That you can just taste it?

- ...that's just gross.

That's a bonus.

Well, Jaken,

do your farts reek?

No.

They really do.

I mean,

I didn't mind smells

associated with farts

too much

until I learned

that smells are actually

produced by

physical molecules.

And whenever

I remember that--

whenever I think

there's something physical--

from somebody else's...

insides

in my nostrils,

then that tends

to make me a bit queasy.

Female interviewer: Thank you

for teaching me that.

Female interviewer:

Yeah, there's actually

particles in the air.

Yeah, we know.

We don't wanna think about it.

( gasps )

Really?

Yeah, you really

are tasting it.

( groaning )

Female narrator:

The "escapee,"

which takes place

when trying to pee

at the urinal

or forcing a poop.

( giggling )

It's not like

you just pooped on him.

- I mean, it...

- Well, sorta.

- It's in the air.

- I know.

It went down

his throat, right?

Female narrator:

This is almost

always followed

by an overwhelming sense

of shame and embarrassment.

If this does take place,

remain calm.

Pretend it did not happen.

If you are in the vicinity

of this happening,

do not acknowledge.

It is uncomfortable

for all involved.

( multiple farting noises )

Well, children

absolutely adore farting.

Just about every family--

no matter how proper

they are, you know,

has some kind

of little expression

that they use

with the kids.

You know,

because everybody farts

and kids fart,

and kids find farts funny.

So adults

have to deal with it

in one way

or another.

( card farting )

( giggling )

So they would have

all these expressions like,

"Somebody let Fluffy

of the leash."

- ( fart noise )

- ( giggling )

Uh, "Did somebody

step on a duck?"

And if you've ever

farted in the shower,

you know, facing away

from the shower,

you know that when

you fart it-- it--

it makes a

quacking sound.

- You know?

- ( ducks quacking )

- Quack.

- ( quacking )

When it came time

for this third book,

that just seemed like a--

like a good title.

- ( farting noise continues )

- Boy:
Stop!

Mother:

What does your daddy

do that stinks?

- He farts.

- ( laughing )

Mother:

Is that funny?

And I'm brilliant

at making children laugh.

If you--

if I want--

if you happen to be

on a long-haul flight,

and there's

a child crying,

then I can--

I can stop them crying.

I can make them laugh.

And I do it

by doing this.

( farting )

Within seconds,

they're falling about.

Woman:

Ooh!

Ah, there's

just something...

With adults

it doesn't work

quite so well.

- ( farting )

- Woman:
Never mind.

With children,

they love it.

There's just something

about that sound.

( blowing raspberries )

My kids like my fart app

on my kindle.

Male announcer:

If you need to clear

a room fast

or just make someone laugh,

iFart for the iPhone

may be just what

you're looking for.

Select any of the sounds,

but with new features

like sound recorder,

"Fart a Friend"

and many more...

( various fart

noises playing )

iFart charges everything.

Think of it though.

It's a noise that comes out

of your butt.

- Well, in the--

- How is that not funny?

Please don't say goodbye

I know that most girls

Try to keep

their flatulence inside

But I can't lie

I need a man

who knows the past

A lot of gas,

that smells the gas

Is here to last

for infinity to beyond

- Rotting gas

- ( vocalizing )

- I farted

- ( vocalizing )

- Smells like ass

- ( vocalizing )

- I definitely farted

- ( vocalizing )

- I think I farted

- On a wall

- I think I farted

- In the bed

- I think I farted

- On the TV

I think

I fa a-a-a-a

- Rotting gas

- ( vocalizing )

I'll be

coming round the mountain

- When she comes

- ( fart noise )

I'll be coming

around the mountain

when she comes

( fart noise )

Uh, one candle is still...

- Oh, one left.

- One left now.

Make a wish.

Make a wish.

( laughs )

( grunts, farts )

My kids can't do it

without announcing it.

They'll do it and of course,

the whole world hears it.

- Mom, I farted!

- ( laughter )

Really?

Yeah, pull my finger.

( laughter continues )

Gail Hale:

Well, we were--

we were on a cruise ship

and my sisters and--

we were on the elevator...

Oh, the elevator fart.

...and the elevator

door opened

and these people

were getting in and I said,

"You don't

wanna come in here."

Do not go in there.

Female interviewer:

It was him.

- Yeah.

- I don't recall this story.

- It was in Alaska.

- Ah.

Dog farts

How unfortunate,

oh, no

Dog farts

Someone open a window...

- Female interviewer: Right.

- Yes.

Female interviewer:

So, what would you say

is your most embarrassing

fart story?

( continual farting noise )

It's embarrassing

for the person that does it,

isn't it sometimes?

None of them

are embarrassing for me.

- He just lets it rip.

- When it's time it's time.

I think, yes,

it's obviously

embarrassing

if you're with

complete strangers

or people you've just

recently met.

And, uh, I think

in some circumstances

if someone does,

it's followed by silence,

and, um--

awkward silence.

I'm not sure

I get embarrassed

about farting.

One time I had this

big fart at Target...

In that sense,

it's not something

that I associate

with, uh--

uh, humor

in my own life really.

I can imagine some

very prim and proper situations

where the one that did it

was probably

terribly embarrassed

or mortified.

But everybody around

'em was just...

Couldn't wait

to get outside

to bust out laughing

You know.

Houston:

Okay

Yes, of course,

if it's people

you know or family,

then, uh, uh--

somebody

will make a witty...

- Remark?

- Remark. That's right.

If I wanna fart,

I just do.

It's not-- it's not me.

I-- I don't fart.

Cameraman #2:

If you toot,

do you blame it

on somebody else?

No.

Kind of no,

not really.

Cameraman #2:

So you take responsibility

for your own farts?

Of course I do.

Then how'd you know

it was me?

We knew.

I don't know

what you're hearing,

but it's not me.

Uh-uh.

Denial.

You normally don't

raise your hand.

( laughs )

- That was me.

- ( fart noise )

Yes, I...

I mean, I don't

announce it, uh, obviously.

( blowing raspberries )

That was me.

( blowing raspberries )

That was me.

Actually,

sometimes I do announce it.

Uh, but, I mean,

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