Father of the Year Page #8

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Do you ever listen?

Statue!

Larry?

Hi, Mrs. Patterson.

Who are you?

Yeah, you.

Oh. Ha-ha-ha. [laughs nervously]

I am a friend of your son's, yeah.

We go way, way back.

I'm also Larry's father.

Yeah, some people, they call me Mardy.

Those that don't, do not know my name.

Oh, yeah. Of course. How are you?

Really good. I'm taking the summer off

-to backpack through Europe.

-[Larry] What?

I am so glad that you're hanging out

with Larry again.

He is such a good influence.

[Trey] Yeah, no doubt. Uh, they were just

about to be on their way. So...

[Mrs. Patterson] Oh, okay.

[distorted]

Well, it was great to see you, Larry.

[in normal voice]

Come here.

-Yes.

-Oh my goodness. It's been a long time.

[chomping]

-[Mrs. Patterson] Okay.

-[both chomping]

[Mr. Patterson] What are you doing?

-Get out of here!

-Get off my mom's hair!

Get the clothes, Larry!

[Mr. Patterson] Hey, put those down!

-Bring those clothes back now!

-You get back!

[Larry laughing] Yes!

[dog barks in the distance]

[Wayne] Hey, there he is.

It worked!

That dimple thing?

That was the greatest advice.

[laughs] I knew it would.

Oh, God. Thank you so much!

It was perfect, it was perf...

She is incredible.

I was actually kind of smooth.

[laughs] I knew you would be.

See, you don't have to go

to New York to have fun.

Hmm. Yeah, I know.

[Wayne chuckles]

It's not just, like, New York, though.

It was the job. The great company.

You know, to be honest, Benny,

I don't really get

what that company is.

But I did read an article about it.

But I only read it once, so I didn't get

a chance to retain any of the information.

Well, they're basically...

They're saving the environment.

They have applications

that have already cut oil usage by 10%.

F***, yeah.

Their founder, Peter Francis,

he's a genius.

Yeah. If he's anything

like Peter Frampton, he's cool.

-Yeah, kinda.

-That guy's a f***ing genius.

But I'm proud of you, bud.

Never thought an O'Malley

would do something like this.

Thanks a lot, Dad.

-Let's burn some marshmallows.

-Yeah!

You know how to work the stick?

I think I can figure it out.

All right.

[indistinct rap music playing

on TV]

Well, that was something.

Yeah. Yeah.

I feel tired, but energized. You know?

I wanna tell everyone.

But I don't wanna tell anyone.

Hey, is this a new Harry Potter movie?

I don't think I've seen this one yet.

No, that's Trippy Jones, Dad.

He's a rapper.

Oh, really? I think Trey

is way better than this guy.

No, come on. Let's get you home.

Oh, you know what?

I already paid for the hotel room,

so I might as well just, you know,

stay for an extra day or two.

You don't have to worry about Wayne, Dad.

Oh. [scoffs]

It's not that.

No, I just, um...

I pre-ordered Marley and Me

and I haven't watched it yet.

Okay. Well, I guess

I'll just see you later then.

Yeah, yeah. Uh, hit me up!

-Okay.

-Okay.

-[Ben grunts]

-[sighs]

You know what? A few more weeks,

maybe a month,

hopefully my charges will be dropped.

I'll be in New York.

It's gonna be good, man.

It's gonna be worth it.

Listen, this morning,

I enlisted in the Marines.

Uh, what? Are you serious?

I gotta do something big, man. You know?

Like, something different.

I can't stay in my comfort zone

or I'm gonna end up just like my dad.

The Marines, though, man?

I mean, f***, dude.

I'll be okay.

They start shooting at you, run.

[chuckles]

I don't think that's the job.

I'm serious.

You've been a p*ssy your whole life.

It's worked out

-so stick to that. Yeah.

-Wow. Oh, okay.

Why don't we stick to working?

No, man. I got this.

If you're man enough to fight

for our country, I can do this.

Just go spend time with the fam.

-Oh, thank you.

-Yeah.

I'll go hang out with Aiden for,

like, five minutes.

I'll be back to help finish it.

All right.

F***!

[groans] Oh, God damn it!

You okay?

I'm fine. Go do your thing.

Okay.

[sighs] F***.

Ben, someone left the toilet seat up.

Was that a cover-up

for one of your dumps?

No.

You know how I know you're lying?

You left the fan on!

[exhales sharply]

Oh, hi, Larry. Your worthless friend Ben

left already.

I needed to talk to you

about something.

Ooh, I'm all ears.

But speak into this one,

it works a little better.

Uh... [clears throat]

So, Ben is struggling with the pool.

He really, really needs a break.

He's a great guy.

So, I was hoping maybe you'd be willing

to drop the charges a little bit sooner?

Drop the charges? Why would I do that?

Have you seen my backyard? It's--

What if we...

Oh!

Well, we can do this, Larry.

I hope you don't think this is just

gonna be some five-minute quick fix.

You're gonna have to work hard

for this one.

It's gonna take a lot of overtime

to bring this job to completion.

And I think you should know,

I'm allergic to latex.

Of course you are. Lambskin, too?

Deathly.

Saran wrap?

Oh, Larry...

[Ben] That's amazing. Did she say why?

No. She just said

she was dropping the charges.

-What? Out of the blue?

-Yeah.

The pool's not even done yet.

Well, she's apparently very happy

with the progress.

Did you f*** her for me?

Did I f*** her? I didn't--

-Yes, you did!

-No.

Where were you last night?

You weren't home.

You know, I've been hanging with my dad.

He's been at the Kozy-eight,

which is your fault.

-Oh! You rang that dirty old bell?

-No!

Did you?

-I didn't do anything.

-[Wayne] Cool.

Don't f*** around.

This is too important.`

Nothing happened, man.

-Did you?

-No. I didn't.

-Are you meaning to say yes by saying no?

-No, I--

Is she gonna wait while you're deployed?

-Nothing happened!

-To Ruth and Larry!

To Ruth and Larry!

Yeah, Ben O'Malley.

I just wanted to call you to tell you

that the charges against me were dropped

and I've been completely cleared.

[man on phone] Well, that's fantastic.

Unfortunately, we already filled

our open positions.

But if you'd like to resubmit

your application,

-we can keep you in consideration...

-Hey, Ben!

Larry needs you to call

that drug dealer Trey

and get a morning-after pill for him.

Hello.

[Wayne]

Hey, Mardy? Is this your room?

They told me you were in here.

[knocks at door]

I just need a minute of your time.

Mardy, six people were murdered here.

In this room alone.

-Hey!

-[Wayne yells]

[grunts]

Holy sh*t.

F***.

Goddamn,

I've never felt anything so strong.

That punch was f***in' electric.

You're not human.

Yeah, it was my Taser gun.

And I will use it again if I have to.

I'm not here to fight.

I'm here to apologize.

I need your help with my son.

You work in Scientology, right?

No, I work in science.

If that's what you mean.

Yeah. Do you happen to know anyone

that works for this company named...

F***, I don't know, IGQ or something.

They sell energy bars maybe?

Are you talking about ISG Energy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Maybe I do. Why?

I need you to set up a meeting with me

and Ben with some head honcho there.

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