Finding Joy Page #3

---

This is no more than a saggy-C!

JOY:
That's so you.

I'm gonna call them. You should

totally wear more florals.

What's going on here?

We are revamping some

of my stuff for Mel.

Okay, well,

Thank you so much

for your concern

For my daughter's

fashion needs,

But we can't accept. Take them off.

Why?

She has plenty of clothes. She

doesn't need your cast-Off crap.

KYLE:
Oh, I...

I don't think

It looks like crap...

to this untrained male eye.

( MUMBLES )

Come back here, young lady!

Your, uh, your hair.

Oh...!

Looks really...

choose your word wisely.

Ah. ( CHUCKLES ) Yeah.

Not planning on making

that mistake again.

I- In case you didn't

get the message,

Uh, I-It would be my honor

To write your obituary.

I accept your non-Environmentally

friendly apology,

On one condition:

You have to do

something else for me,

Right now.

You, uh, never really told me

what it is that you, uh, have.

I know.

So, um, who do you look like?

You have any siblings?

Do you fight

like cats and dogs?

My brother once broke my

nose with an action figure.

It was an accident.

'Least, I think it was.

( CLEARS THROAT )

That could be any number

of lung diseases, you know.

Hi, how are you?

This is Kyle, and...

( LOUDLY ) I'm Kyle!

Here, um, I don't...

take it.

Bye!

No no.

No, that's for you.

A gift. For me?

What is it?

I want to make my mark on the world

while facing my greatest fear.

Unh...!

What is...?

Joy...

Put it on, please!

Uh... no.

Could you please

put it on, Kyle?

No.

Kyle, just put it on!

For future gift reference,

I'm more of a collared

polo kind of guy.

It's called coulrophobia.

I'm searching to find

anything cool about it.

It's the fear of clowns.

Don't look at me.

Don't look at me.

MAN:
All right.

Follow me.

( RELUCTANT CHUCKLE )

don't be a boring fart!

JOY:
Down! Down!

( SHOES SQUEAKING )

Come on!

Stick your hands in.

Make your mark on the world.

Wait, that's what you meant?

Yeah, cast in cement

till the end of time.

Not particularly

pioneering, though, is it?

You're right.

Whoa, what are you doing?

Body print.

Bod... Body print.

Uh...

( SIGHS )

How's this for innovative?

Yes, your body print is...

yes, it's one of a kind.

Aah! Clown hand!

( PLAYFUL SHRIEKING )

MALE VOCALIST:

# I woke up

# and wished that I was dead #

# with an achin' in my head #

# I lay motionless in bed

# I thought of you

# and where you'd gone

# and let the world

spin madly on #

( CLEARS THROAT )

( FEET SQUEAKING )

# everything

( PLAYFUL SHRIEK )

# that I said I'd do #

# like make the world

brand-New #

Why does my life seem to

be littered with bathtubs?

I'm suffocating.

( GROANING )

No, no. All right.

Right.

Work through the fear.

Just remember,

I-I'm a normal guy

Wearing a scratchy wig

and a bulbous red nose.

No, you're not. No.

You're right.

I'm abnormal.

I relish those face-

Eating tumor shows.

( LAUGHING ) You too?

( BOTH LAUGHING )

Breathe in.

And out, also.

( CLANKING SOUND )

# woke up #

# wished that I was dead #

# with an achin' in my head #

# I lay motionless in bed #

KYLE:
Question

number four:

What is your favorite animal?

What? Favorite number,

color, food, animal?

Well, there's a scientific basis

to my mode of questioning.

# while the world

spins madly on #

All right. Um...

anteater.

I hate ants with a passion.

I'm not afraid of them.

They just bug me out.

It's a little bit closer

to heaven up here.

This is where I want

my ashes sprinkled,

To ode to joy.

Question number five...

Your family.

Anything and everything.

What about you?

What's your story?

Are you writing my obit?

Are you dying?

My mother died three years ago.

I've barely spoken

To anyone in my family since.

Your family's weird...

but they are wonderful, and you

should be happy that you have them.

And you? You were

raised by...

wolves.

( CHUCKLES SOFTLY ) Aliens?

No, nothing that interesting.

I killed my parents.

It was one of those

freak things, you know?

My parents were always bugging me not

to leave my bike in the driveway

Because they couldn't get

their enormous Buick in.

But I was this totally

scatterbrained kid,

So I always forgot.

And then one night

they were coming back

From one of their

weekly poker games,

And my dad got out

to move my bike,

And their car was

partly out on the street.

A truck didn't see it.

Kyle!

You're getting all sad

and sentimental.

It's fine.

It's really fine,

And we're having fun, right?

Fun.

F- U-N.

Thank you.

( VEHICLE ARRIVING )

Um, tomorrow I have

this doctor's appointment.

Would you come with me?

Of course.

( CHUCKLES SOFTLY )

( CHUCKLING )

( CLEARS THROAT SOFTLY )

You wouldn't...

Ahem.

D- Do you want to, um...

I just don't want this

to end. Yet. This day.

I have cookies.

I love cookies.

It's the anniversary of the

first time we ever did it.

Mm.

I see.

How do you remember

all this useless crap?

Well, I wanted

to go out and celebrate

And maybe go to a fancy

restaurant or something,

But I knew the fresh air

was gonna kill you.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I am

just afraid of fresh air.

( COUGHING )

Well, why don't you educate

my gorgeous ass, huh?

Yours are much better.

( RUNNING FOOTSTEPS )

( KITCHEN OBJECTS CLATTER )

( CHUCKLING )

Aw. Um, wait here while I...

While I straighten up.

Okay.

Whoa!

( STAMMERING ) Dude, door.

Door. Door, dude.

Door!

It is not what it looks like.

I... I mean,

I'm not... I'm not...

I'm not gay or anything.

It's just... I...

Uh... feel this fabric.

It is unbelievable.

Uh, no! No!

KYLE:
You've got

to tell patsy.

( SCOFFS ) No way!

She already thinks I'm the

lord of loser ville as it is!

She thinks you're

having an affair!

( KNOCKING )

JOY:
Kyle? Hello?

It's, uh, it's

a little messy in here.

I like messy.

Right.

Could you just give me one minute?

I have to finish something up.

Are you doing a number three?

Number three?

Oh, no, no!

Then I'm coming in!

No, joy!

( LAUGHING ) Whoa!

Yeah, that is messy.

I should freakin' sell tickets!

Seems the men in your family

Have a special bond

with female fashion.

No, that was just

a one-Time emergency.

I... no.

Wait, so...

you're living in here?

Yes, my dad converted

my bedroom into a bathroom.

How mentally ill is that?

That's sick, totally.

But you're sleeping in here?

Well, you get used to

the lack of sleep

And the constant back pain.

Lovin' the chitchat,

guys, really,

But could you freakin'

go outside?

I'm all exposed here.

Does patsy know

about this... hobby?

No!

Could you just scram

So I could change?

Come on.

( TROUBLED SIGH )

So, I'm getting an MRI.

Maybe you should wait here.

It's safer, in case

you're pregnant.

Thoughtful. Thank you.

Joy! What is it today?

I'm not here to see

you, dr. Khan.

Well, guess that's

lucky moi, then.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

I think that your

bedside manner

Could use a little work.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes