Fist Fight Page #3

a long winter.

He had to amputate his son's leg

with nothing but a bayonet

and a box of matches.

Families were increasingly

facing hard decisions.

(MOUTHING) What the f***?

(MOUTHING) Do it.

(MOUTHING) No!

(GRUNTS) All right. Who did that?

Who did it?

Who did that?

Who did it?

It was you! It was you, wasn't it?

Give me that phone!

I don't have one.

You just broke mine, remember?

Okay. Okay.

God damn it. I'm tired of this sh*t.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Uh, I don't know what's happening.

- (ALL GASP)

- Get out of here!

Oh, sh*t! Okay, I have the phone.

I have the phone.

(GROWLING)

(YELLING)

(PANTING)

Remember, teachers stick together.

Yeah.

Okay.

(SIGHS)

I don't have time for this today.

I've got 30 termination

meetings today alone.

Everything in my office

is glued to something else.

I got drawers filled,

filled with Silly String. You see that?

And I got a goddamn mariachi band

following me around wherever I go!

(PLAYING MARIACHI MUSIC)

I offered them $100

and they still won't leave.

I think they thought it was a tip.

And now I've got 20 students

running out of a classroom in a panic.

Students telling me that Neil's desk

has been smashed to pieces,

presumably by a fire ax,

and you're telling me

that you haven't seen anything today?

Yeah.

How about you, Strickland? Huh? Nothing?

Like I said before, Tyler,

I was too busy working out

that piece of sh*t VCR

that this school is still using.

I know you teachers all like

to stick together. I get it.

But I'm having to fire whole departments.

That's hard on me, too.

Wait, whole departments?

Yeah. Entire departments.

Well, uh, I mean...

Maybe the best thing

to do is talk to Neil?

Oh, I did. Yeah.

Neil's not talkin' either.

So, then I went back to this.

I'm back to needing a straight answer

from one of you two.

Right.

Let me bottom-line this for you.

Someone's going down for this.

I'm firing one of you two today.

Tell you what,

how about we'll go one better.

How about I fire you both?

He did it.

You did it.

I mean, you did do it, so...

He did it.

That's what happened, was you...

'Cause he, you know,

chopped the desk.

Which you probably shouldn't have done.

Did you mean to do it? Was it an accident?

Or did you wanna say it was an accident?

You know what it was?

The technology is outdated on the VCRs.

That was a great point. Yeah.

And the kids were pushing

him with the pranks.

They're out of control this year, sir.

I've never seen anything like it, really.

You know what, I think maybe

you should take that all in consideration.

And maybe just, you know...

Don't fire him.

(MARIACHI BAND PLAYING)

I am so sorry he fired you.

That's such a shitty situation

he put us in.

(STAMMERS) And, you know,

I feel somewhat responsible, you know.

I mean, look. Hey, come 2:00 today,

I might not have a job either, but, uh...

You know, I got a baby due any minute,

and I can't be losing my job,

so I hope you understand.

I'm gonna fight you.

I'm sorry, what?

I am going to fight you.

Are...

Are you joking?

Look, man, I was in a very

tight spot there, you know.

Tyler really was pitting us

against each other, and...

After school, you gonna

meet me in the parking lot,

and we gonna handle this

sh*t the primitive way.

With our fists.

You can't be serious.

I can't wait to f*** you up.

Whoa. Hey...

Hey, man, whoa. I...

(STAMMERING) Look,

I'm very sorry you lost your job,

but you're talking crazy.

Right? Like...

You hear that that's a...

(CLEARS THROAT) I don't need this.

This is... Mmm-mmm.

Campbell!

Parking lot. After school.

It's on.

(STAMMERING) Look, man, there's nothing

I could've done, you know? So...

I'm very sorry you lost

your job, but this is over.

One man wins

when the other's unconscious.

Then, and only then, is it over.

You really wanna have

a fist fight after school,

- like we're a couple of students?

- I want everybody to see this.

(STAMMERING) Teachers don't fight.

We're gonna handle

our differences like real men.

What differences?

You got a job and I don't!

That's the f***ing difference.

This is a bad joke.

Snitches get stitches.

Snitches and stitches,

what the f*** you talking about?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

I can't even be there!

I have a talent show thing

with my daughter.

It's the last day of school.

Can't we just let this thing go?

Strickland!

Strickland!

It takes courage, uh, to grow up

and, uh...

Make it the whole way.

E.E. Cummings said that.

And words are gonna matter for you guys.

Uh, um...

Yes, Nathaniel.

Is it true you're gonna

fight Mr. Strickland?

Wait. You've heard about this?

What did you hear?

Hashtag teacher fight? What is this?

You guys are tweeting about this now?

Why would you agree to fight Strickland?

He could kill you.

Yeah, no, guys.

I'm not gonna fight Mr. Strickland.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

We had a misunderstanding,

and everything's gonna be just fine.

I'm... I'm sorry, though.

Who else knows about this?

You guys hear Strickland

is gonna fight Campbell?

Yeah, he's gonna whip him bad.

(LAUGHS) Without a doubt.

What are you guys doing now?

We just chalking the field.

Well, your lines are a little off,

but I appreciate the hard work, kids.

Let me tell you something. Kids your age

sometimes can turn out to be douchebags,

but you guys come from good stock.

Good batch of kids.

Thank you, Coach.

Let's go! Everybody, on the track!

Clifford, stop doggin' it.

I will f*** you up.

What are you doing,

challenging Strickland to a fight?

I didn't challenge him to a fight.

(STAMMERS) This is crazy.

Everybody's got a story about him.

Like what? What have you...

What do you know about him?

He used to be in a...

Gang, right. And if anyone snitched,

he's the guy you had to answer to.

Please, man!

I didn't mean to do... Hey...

Hey, man, don't do it, man.

Don't do it. (SCREAMS)

Saddam Hussein had

these two f***ed-up evil sons,

mass murderers.

During the Iraq War,

Strickland killed them.

You're dead. You're dead.

Game's over, boys.

I'll save you some next time.

So I'm cleaning late at night,

and I walk in on him playing piano.

(PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)

The dude's a virtuoso.

That doesn't seem too scary.

You didn't see his eyes.

He was a cop,

and whenever anyone

got off on a technicality,

he would find them

and beat the sh*t out of 'em.

- (GRUNTING)

- (MAN GROANING)

(YELLS)

Oh, he's gonna f***in' kill me.

Nah.

Yeah.

Kill for it!

(BLOWS WHISTLE)

CAMPBELL:
Guys, this is crazy, right?

I mean, what kind of adult man

challenges another adult man to a fight?

That's not a thing that happens anymore.

Okay. All right.

Why don't you just take a punch

and then just go down, you know?

Play dead like you're with

a bear, or like possums do,

or anything that's like a...

Like a p*ssy animal.

I don't wanna take a punch.

I don't wanna be in a fight.

He's right. He can't be taking no punches.

- Right?

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