Fist Fight Page #7

How the f*** did it get to Taiwan?

- (CRYING LIKE A BABY)

- Well, I don't sound like...

How many hits has it got?

- Now go and take that ass-whooping.

- CAMPBELL:
Jesus Christ!

All right, look.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

I need you to sell me some drugs, okay?

Sorry, I don't know anything about that.

Cut the sh*t, all right?

Holly told me that you deal.

So, let's just... You can deal with me.

(STAMMERS) We'll do a drug deal.

IPhone.

I'm sorry, what?

Look, maybe I deal, maybe I don't.

I'll tell you for a new iPhone.

Listen, to me you little f***ing sh*t.

I will take that iPhone,

I will shove it right up

your f***ing ass, okay?

- Stop... (LAUGHS)

- (RUSTLING)

- Chill, dude.

- Yeah, yeah. You chill.

Okay. Look, look, look.

Be a good boy. Sell me some drugs.

Okay. Just relax.

What do you want?

I don't know. Give me some...

Give me some meth or something.

Well, I just sell molly.

Then why are you asking me

what do I want, Neil?

I don't know.

Okay, Neil. Sell me an eighth

of Molly or whatever it is.

(LAUGHS) Do you even know what molly is?

I will rip your head off of your neck.

I will sh*t down your throat, okay?

That... That's where I am right now.

I'm a broken man, Neil.

Hmm. Okay?

- Okay, man.

- Yeah? Okay?

Right here? Just like this? Jesus Christ.

All right, give it to me. All right.

Give me the money.

F*** you.

(STRAINING)

Hello.

(IMITATES KNIFE CUTS)

(GRUNTS)

Yikes.

(STRAINING)

What the f*** is this?

It's my goddamn car!

Oh, sh*t! F*** me. God damn!

Why are you kicking it?

I can't... I can't believe

what they did to your car!

- F***ing monsters.

- Yeah. F***ing animals.

- F***ing animals.

- Yeah, little... Little... Little animals!

Right. Listen. Since I ran into you,

I have to tell you,

we moved your interview back to 2: 15.

I actually have to go to

my daughter's elementary school

to do a talent show

dance thing with her by 2:30.

So you want me to accommodate

the fact that you're gonna

skip out of campus in

the middle of the f***ing day.

Good point. Sorry, sir. Yeah.

(STAMMERS) I'll make it work.

Good. And could you take

your foot off my car?

Yeah, right.

So, I'll be there for the appointment.

I'll keep my foot on the car.

No. Move your foot off my car.

Can't do it.

Get your foot off my f***ing car!

If I take my foot off,

then the kids win, sir!

The kids don't give two shits.

Get your foot off my f***ing car.

My car's already f***ed up!

But we have to put

our foot down on the car, sir.

- Off my car!

- Okay, okay!

What the f***!

Get your God damn foot off my car!

Yes, sir. The foot's coming off right now.

But before it comes off,

let me just explain myself

here.

MALE STUDENT 1:
(ON PA)

A very important announcement.

- (STUDENT 2 GIGGLING)

- If anyone finds a two-inch penis,

please return it to Principal Tyler.

MALE STUDENT 2:
It's his.

You gotta be f***ing shitting me.

MALE STUDENT 1:

Stay tuned for more announcements.

(PLAYING MARIACHI MUSIC)

Will you guys shut the f*** up?

Here we go.

All right. Police are in

Strickland's classroom with Mehar.

But that dog ain't finding sh*t.

- What?

- You sure that kid really sold you meth?

Well, no. It wasn't meth. It was molly.

- Molly?

- Yeah. Why? What?

Dogs can't smell molly. What did you do?

What do you mean, what did I do?

I didn't know they can't smell molly.

Why not?

Campbell, you have to train a dog

to smell specific drugs, okay?

How do you think this thing works?

I don't know how it works.

I thought you guys knew how it worked.

We do.

Well, if you do, you should have told me.

What the...

- Oh, snap!

- HOLLY:
What?

CRAWFORD:
Cops are leaving the classroom.

- This is over.

- It's over?

Campbell, I'm from the streets.

Trust me when I tell you it's over.

Oh, sh*t! God damn it. F***ing damn it!

Okay. You know what? You have to relax.

I got something for you.

Take a hit of this.

Yeah. Yeah.

What the f*** is that?

I thought you said you didn't have drugs!

I don't. I have weed.

Jesus! F***! Give...

(GRUNTING)

STRICKLAND:
Nice landing, dick wad.

You tried to plant drugs on me,

didn't you?

That's why that dog was here.

But they couldn't smell

those drugs, could they?

(CHUCKLES)

You f***ed up, Campbell.

I'm in your head.

I know what you gonna do

before you even do it.

Back off. Back off.

All your hard work,

sneaking around lying and sh*t.

Now it's just you and me.

Don't come closer.

What you think? They're gonna come in here

if you light that little

toothpick pencil joint?

You wanna find out?

Hey! Don't do it.

You be a man.

I refuse!

You know, first I was just

gonna punch you a whole lot, Campbell.

Now, I think I'm gonna break

every bone in your body.

Help! (COUGHING)

Help! Police!

What the f*** are you doing, man?

Get away from that God damn door.

You know what? I should kill your ass.

Okay, guys.

What seems to be the trouble here?

Strickland was smoking marijuana.

And he has molly in his bag.

And who are you?

I'll straighten this out for everyone.

Mr. Andy Campbell, English teacher.

Probably a nice guy,

but a bit of a worm and a sneak.

Mr. Strickland, reputation of a hot-head.

Scary, yet effective with the students.

Do I trust either of them?

Absolutely not.

All right, we got this.

Yeah, we got this.

You stay out this sh*t, Mehar.

Technically, this is occurring

during school hours,

so I cannot stay out this S-word.

There is contraband in here.

Who does this belong to?

Him. The drugs are in his bag.

This man is obviously the drug addict.

Look at his eyes. They burgundy red.

Let the record reflect his eyes are red.

I mean, it's very dry in the room.

It's not that dry.

It is wet with lies.

He's holding an ax!

This is true as well.

Mr. Strickland is brandishing a weapon.

(AX CLATTERS)

We all saw that.

Am I the only one here

who sees what's going on? Hello!

Hello.

Not hello you.

Hello, we're in his classroom!

Hello, there are drugs in his bag!

Hello, this man

is obviously the culprit here.

I just said "hello" back.

He said "hello," I said "hello."

Let's move past that.

Just arrest... Arrest the guy.

Campbell, you've had your say.

Mr. Strickland, care to respond?

F*** the police.

(BOTH GRUNT)

Nice plan, a**hole.

(SIREN WAILING)

Ally, hey! Sweetie, listen,

something's come up

at uh, work and...

(SIGHS) I'm not gonna be

able to make it to the talent show.

Daddy, you promised you would make it.

You promised me.

I know.

Sometimes, adults' lives are complicated,

you know, funny things you can't predict.

I can't believe you're not gonna come.

I'm gonna look like such an idiot.

Trisha's gonna ruin me.

Forget about that girl.

I mean, she sounds like a big bully to me.

And believe me, I know what that's like.

Hello?

(CAMPBELL EXHALES)

Unbelievable.

Unbelievable.

Yeah, that's what it is, you know.

You know what I told my wife today?

I said, "Hey, honey,

everything's gonna be okay."

Yeah. And that

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