Fist Fight Page #8

was a big fat lie, wasn't it?

I mean, I'm definitely

not gonna make the meeting,

so I'll lose my job,

and I've let my daughter down,

and now I'm probably gonna be in prison

when my child is born. So...

Yo, who fault is that?

No, that's a good question.

Whose fault is it?

It's your f***ing fault.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

Yeah, because you know what I don't do?

I don't swing axes at the students.

Yeah, that's a little bit

of a step too far, I think.

But not for you. No. You know why?

Because you're a f***ing maniac.

"Whose fault is it?" God damn it!

F***ing crazy.

What's up, man? How are you doing?

Yeah, getting locked up. It's f***ing...

This is some BS, right? Sh*t.

I... I don't mean to,

you know, interrupt your

seething or whatever it is

you're doing over here,

but I just got in a little argument

with my friend

and he starts talking

some serious sh*t about you.

And he's goin' on and on,

and he's calling you a b*tch,

and a big fat p*ssy,

and a little f***ing p*ssy b*tch,

and he says that you're his b*tch.

- What?

- Yeah.

I couldn't believe it.

He just keeps going on and on and on

that he wants to fight you.

I'm like, "This guy?

There's no way! No way!"

- Him?

- Well, don't point.

Yeah, don't point.

What, it's your first time

getting locked up, man?

Come on. Yeah. But, yeah, him. Yeah.

If he wants to fight me, I'm right here.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're here. He's there.

You could just go over there.

And I'd stay here

if you're worried about losing your seat.

I can see that that's not it.

Okay. I tell you what.

I'll go over there,

and if he nods like this

that means he wants to fight you now.

But again, man, he's not gonna come here

because he thinks you're a big fat b*tch.

Again, these are his words,

they're not mine.

So just look for that nod

and know that he's calling you

the biggest b*tch on the planet.

Okay. I gotta go.

Okay, so you still wanna fight?

Forget it.

What?

Maybe I went a little overboard earlier.

But at least I did something.

Fight's off.

Wait. What? Why?

First, I was just pissed off at you.

Wanted to wring your little neck.

- Yeah.

- But then I start thinking.

What if the school saw

how they pitted two teachers

against each other?

Maybe the fight'll make a difference

and something would change.

But you won't even man up and fight.

So, forget it.

Fight's off. You can go

take a free period now.

That's...

That's the best news

I've heard all day. That's great.

Yeah! I'll take that free period.

Awesome, man. So, the fight's off?

That's great!

You nodding at me? F*** you!

No, no, no! Sorry, sir.

That nod was not for you.

You can sit back down.

You wanna fight me, b*tch?

What'd you say to me?

No, no, no! He doesn't

wanna fight you anymore.

- Yeah, no. Go back.

- Anymore?

At all! Yeah, no.

Guys, there's no fights today.

Didn't you hear? Great news!

Man, stand up, b*tch. What you got?

Oh, no!

Oh.

Oh.

I got a whole lot!

I got stuff, too.

But I'm not fighting, you know?

Guys, guys, this has just

been a misunderstanding.

- (GRUNTS)

- (SHRIEKS)

- Yeah.

- All right.

(SHRIEKING)

Go to sleep.

Go to sleep.

Nighty-night. Nighty-night.

You sic this man on me, Campbell?

That was a mistake. Yeah. That...

I changed my mind.

Okay. Calm down.

The fight is back on.

Come on, man. You might have done

the same thing in my position.

This time I'm gonna kill your ass.

Just take it easy.

Take a deep breath, okay?

Hey! You two.

The molly you tried to pin on each other

is aspirin. Come on.

Aspirin.

That little f***er tried to rip me off!

Wait a sec.

What time is it? What time is it?

I still got time!

I still have time to make everything!

Hey, Campbell! I'll see you at 3:00.

Hey!

It's a bloodbath in there.

Holly, Ms. Monet... We all got fired.

No! You, too?

These damn jeans didn't impress anybody.

Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry, Crawford.

Hey, Suzie. I'm here.

Are they ready for me?

They said they need just a minute.

Okay, you sure it's

just gonna be a minute?

Because I'm trying to get

to my daughter's talent show.

Oh, it's just gonna be a minute.

- Suzie, I don't have a minute.

- Sixty seconds.

(SIGHS)

Sh*t! Okay.

Okay.

- (CLOCK TICKING)

- (SIGHS)

What the f*** is going on in there?

Just one more minute.

Respectfully, Suzie, f*** this, okay?

I'm going in.

- No, Andy.

- I'm going in!

Why do you think they haven't

called for you? Andy!

- (LAUGHING)

- Hey, hi! I'm sorry, what's going on?

I was supposed to start at 2: 15.

Oh! Uh, uh...

Superintendent Johnson and I were just

talking about his fishing trip to Alaska.

I caught a halibut.

You... You caught a halibut.

Well, congratulations, sir.

I... I'm sitting out there

and missing my daughter's...

(SIGHS) You know what?

I don't wanna cause trouble. Could I just

make my teacher's statement now?

Is that all right?

Well, actually, that won't be necessary.

- Why?

- Turns out we've reached our limit

on how many experienced

teachers we can let go

and still be in compliance

with state policy.

We gotta make cuts from somewhere else.

Yeah. We're done here.

Anyway, it's an executive

course right by the airport, right?

Okay, thanks for the job, I guess.

PRINCIPAL TYLER:

Step tight. Pop! You know.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

I'm sorry though.

What cuts are you gonna make?

It's none of your business, Campbell.

Well, no, it is my business, right?

I... I teach at the school.

So, what are you gonna do?

I... I mean, you gonna

cut buying new books

or are you gonna shorten the school year?

You gonna increase the class sizes again?

That one was a real bright idea.

Now would be a real good time

for you to stop talking.

Yeah, now... Now would

be a good time for me to stop talking,

but I'm not gonna stop talking, okay?

'Cause I... I'm asking a question.

So, I'm sorry, but what cut...

No, I'm not sorry. All right?

I think, in fact, I'm tired

of always saying I'm sorry.

I asked you guys

a direct f***ing question.

What cutbacks are you gonna make?

Campbell, this doesn't concern you, okay?

You're just a teacher.

Wow! Really? I'm just a teacher?

Well, all right. You're right.

I may be just a teacher,

but I'm pretty sure that qualifies me

to ask a goddamn question

about something that's gonna affect

my ability to f***ing teach!

Campbell, get your

ass out of here while you still got a job!

No, I can't do it, man,

because I'm done listening to you.

And I know I'm just a teacher,

but that ought to be worth

something around here.

In fact, that ought to be

worth everything to you guys,

but instead, you treat us like sh*t.

And you don't give us the tools

to do our jobs properly.

And I can't believe I'm saying this,

but Strickland's right.

The students are running

all over the f***ing school.

So this may be just a teacher's opinion,

but you guys f***ing suck at your jobs.

And if you ever leave me

waiting outside again

so you can talk about

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