Fist Fight Page #9

a goddamn fishing trip,

I will walk right in here

and I'll punch you right in

the f***ing teeth, Tyler.

Stick that halibut up your ass!

(SINGING TUNELESSLY)

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand

Moments so dear

(WHISPERS) She's so lame.

Five hundred

twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

- How do you measure a year in the life?

- Oh, God.

How about love?

(GIGGLING)

How about love?

How about...

(GIGGLING)

Oh, sh*t!

- Honey, what...

- Hey.

What the hell happened to you?

Sweetie. Look, I've had a crazy day, okay?

I... I don't have time to explain.

Look, can you do me a big favor right now?

Okay.

I need you to see if you can get them

to play that... That Big Sean song.

- Can you do it?

- Yeah. Okay.

Okay. I'm gonna talk to Ally.

Oh, my God! You're the best!

Okay. Thank you. Thank you.

Let's give it up again

for Ally Campbell and her...

And herself.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Hey, buddy. Um, I'm gonna

need a little favor from you.

- (SOBBING)

- Ally! Ally! Hey, sweetie.

Daddy, where were you?

Okay, okay, I can explain

that later, all right?

But right now, sweetie,

we're going right back out there.

No, Daddy. The rules are

that we have to...

Don't worry about the rules, okay?

We're not gonna play

by the rules, all right?

- We're not?

- No! Here's what we're gonna do.

We're gonna do the Big Sean song.

Wait, we are?

- Yeah! Mom's working on it.

- She is?

I'll follow your lead

and the moves are the same, right?

Yeah, the moves are the same.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

There it goes. Okay, we gotta go.

- Let's get out there. Let's go.

- Okay, let's do this.

Go, go, go.

Trisha, this song is for you.

(RAPPING)

I don't f*** with you

(GASPING)

You little stupid ass b*tch

I ain't f***in' with you

What?

You little

You little dumb ass b*tch

I ain't f***in' with you

I got a million trillion things

That I'd rather f***in' do

All right, f*** it.

This what we're doing? All right.

Than to be f***ing with you

Little stupid ass

I don't give a f***

I don't give a f***

I don't, I don't

I don't give a f***

B*tch, I don't give a f*** about you

Or anything that you do

Don't give a f*** about you

or anything that you do

I heard you got a new man

I see you takin' a pic

Then you post it up

Thinkin' that it's makin' me sick

But I see you calling

I be makin' it quick

I'mma answer that sh*t like

I don't f*** with you

You little stupid ass b*tch

I ain't f***ing with you

You little dumb ass b*tch

I ain't f***ing with you

(MUSIC STOPS)

I got a million trillion things

That I'd rather f***ing do

Okay, music stopped.

Than to be f***ing with you

Little stupid ass

I don't give a f***

- I don't give a f***

- Yeah!

I don't, I don't

I don't give a f*** b*tch.

- They just stopped the music.

- I don't give a f*** about you

Or anything that you do

Don't give a f*** about you

or anything that you do

Need you to stop. Okay.

Who's the loser now, Trisha?

Bully this, b*tch!

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

Oh, my!

I was unaware of the lyrics

and... And the strong language

in that song, so I do apologize.

But you know what?

I apologize for nothing else.

(FEEDBACK)

(ALL CHEERING)

Yeah! Way to go, Ally!

That's my girl!

Whoo! Oh. Damn!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Way to go, kid!

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna

be a rock star here now.

Yeah, no.

- I... I think you're gonna be expelled.

- Oh...

Yeah, yeah. But, look, look,

I'm super proud of you

- for standing up for yourself, okay?

- Yeah.

All right, I gotta go do the same,

all right?

- Daddy's gotta run.

- Wait, where are you going?

Daddy's gotta get in a fist fight.

Sh*t!

Hey! That's my scooter!

No sh*t.

F***, man.

(STUDENTS MURMURING)

STUDENT:
Mr. Campbell!

(ALL CHEERING)

Let's go! Kill him!

- Come on, man, Campbell! Come on, baby.

- Yes, get him! Kill him!

F***ing kill him. F***ing destroy him.

(PLAYING THEME FROM ROCKY)

(LOUD CHEERING)

You ready to do this, motherf***er?

(LAUGHS) You actually sound

like a real man, Campbell.

Maybe one of your nuts dropped today.

I'll drop your nuts, b*tch.

Back the f*** up. Let's go.

You wanna see what I'm made out of?

(ALL GASP)

Oh, f***!

See? Let that be a lesson to you.

Actions have consequences.

- Campbell!

- (CHEERING)

You want some more of this, huh, boy?

Oh, sh*t!

- (STUDENTS CHEERING)

- (BOTH GRUNTING)

How do you like

this ass-whooping, Campbell?

I f***ing love it, b*tch!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Ahh! Sh*t!

- (GROANING)

- HOLLY:
Oh, sh*t!

(YELLS)

- ALL:
Oh!

- That's my stuff, damn it!

Yeah! (GROANS)

ALL:
Oh!

- (GRUNTS)

- (GROANS)

God damn it!

F***!

- Oh, my God!

- Oh!

- Sh*t! F*** this sh*t.

- Campbell, stay down!

CRAWFORD:
Campbell, stay down!

CRAWFORD:
Bruce Lee style!

God damn it.

(GROANING)

Right here. I should just kill you.

F*** you, man.

Whoever dies first haunts the school.

CRAWFORD:
You've got this, Campbell!

Okay, come here. Come here.

GIRL:
Take it, b*tch!

F*** you!

Come on, this way. (LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

- Stop this!

- It is not my job to stop this.

STRICKLAND:
Fake ass John McEnroe!

(GROANS)

Yeah!

Ooh, mother... (GRUNTS)

(YELLING)

ALL:
Oh!

Oh, sh*t!

WOMAN:
Come on, motherf***er! Get up!

- You got this!

- Whoo!

I don't think he's got this.

Motherf***er! (GRUNTING)

CRAWFORD:
Come on!

Kick his ass!

What's the matter, Campbell?

You looking tired.

You throwing less and less punches.

- It's "fewer and fewer."

- ALL:
Oh!

The proper sentence structure

is "fewer and fewer".

Never trash talk an English teacher, okay?

ALL:
Oh!

CRAWFORD:

Get up, Campbell! Get up!

HOLLY:
He's getting up!

CRAWFORD:
Get up!

STUDENT:
He's getting up!

(CROWD CHEERING)

You can run, but you can't hide.

Campbell!

Where you at, light roast?

Campbell?

Campbell?

Where the f*** are you at?

Surprise, b*tch! (GRUNTS)

Get the f*** off me!

Sh*t!

You dirty mother...

What the f*** is this sh*t?

Campbell! Come here.

So I can f*** you up. Come here.

You know, I'm gonna kick your ass.

You want some of this?

You little son of a b*tch.

What you got?

Come on, motherf***er.

What do I got? (PANTING)

I got nothing to lose!

Oh, I'm learning so much!

- (BOTH YELLING)

- WILLIAM:
Almost there.

Oh!

I came anyway, motherfuckers!

F*** over here. Sh*t!

Excuse me,

I'm the superintendent. Get out of my way.

I'mma kill you. Kill you.

Tap your f***ing ass.

You like baseball, Strickland?

Batter up, b*tch!

- The, uh, kids superglued that down.

- Huh?

- I know. They're freaking clever.

- (YELLING)

Jesus, watch out!

Stay down, light roast.

What are you doing, Campbell? What the...

(GROANS)

F***!

(LAUGHING)

F*** me!

Oh, sh*t!

- (CAMPBELL GROANS)

- ALL:
Oh!

My f***ing windshield!

(GROANING) Sh*t!

(YELLS IN PAIN)

I'm about sick of this sh*t, Campbell.

You want some more of this, boy?

(GROANING)

ALL:
Oh!

(CAMPBELL PANTING)

School's out for the summer, everybody.

(ALL CHEERING)

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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