Flirting with Disaster Page #7

- Yes, I'm feeling very frustrated.

I was worried your expectations

were too high for all of this.

- You know, maybe we should just

forget everything and go home.

- Don't do that.

You always get so pessimistic

when you're close to finishing

something you've started.

- I do not.

- Yes, you do.

You did it with the apartment.

You loved it so much. The day we go to

sign the lease, you start freaking out.

And the wedding.

How many times did you change the date?

You're right. You're right.

I do this all the time.

So stick to your plan

for once, okay?

If you want to find your parents,

find your parents.

- Oh!

- Oh, hi.

- Hi.

- Are you okay? You seem upset.

- I owe you a big apology.

I mean, this was--

this is not the way I planned this trip,

not the way I wanted it to turn out.

Look, look, it's been kind of difficult,

but I think we've gotten past the bumps.

You know, I feel, I feel really good

about, about where we're going.

I really think it's gonna be great.

You're such an optimist.

Where does that come from?

Well, you know, I've always said it's

a mistake to let pessimism take over...

right before you're

about to finish something.

That's the complete

opposite of my ex-husband.

He was such a pessimistic pig.

Well, I think you're doing

a great job. Really.

- Really.

- Thanks.

- Good night.

- Good night. Good night.

Thanks.

Sh*t.

What was that noise?

Did you drop something?

Goddam cat flew out of nowhere.

Scared the hell out of me.

- What are you doing?

- Huh?

- Where'd you get the pup tent?

- I--

I'm feeling very sexual.

I don't know.

I'm just feeling like I want to--

Wait. Let me just

take my glasses off.

Wait a second. Wait, Mel!

Mel, look at me.

Just slow down for a second.

Let's take our time.

- Look at me.

- Huh? Why?

- Why aren't you looking at me?

- What? What? I'm looking at you!

- Why do I have to look at you? I mean--

- Well, why can't you look at me?

I don't know.

I don't know what's going on.

I mean, don't you ever think

that maybe it's not natural...

for two people to be together

their entire lives?

- Do you ever think that?

- Oh, I get it.

Your parents

weren't good enough for you...

and now I'm not good enough for you

because Tina's a skinny dancer, right?

- No. What?

- You know, it takes some women...

more than a year to get back to their

normal weight after having a baby.

- You are not good B-and-B people!

- Yeah, well, that's because

we hate B-and-B's!

- Thanks.

- Look, we need to talk.

- Okay.

- I'm, I'm not sure I'm ready for

an affair with a married man right now.

I'm feeling just as confused as you are,

okay? About the whole thing, all right?

I'm in the middle of a divorce.

I'm going to school at night.

You know, I need to be taken

seriously as a woman.

I want to have my own children.

I want to have my own life, you know?

Not just some sort of vicarious

semblance of like somebody else's life.

Sh*t.

- What's the matter with her?

- Hi.

She's upset about the way everything's

going. She's really-- Yeah.

Listen, I feel like I owe you

an apology about last night.

- Okay.

- Well, I mean, I think

we should discuss it...

- because, you know,

there's two sides to everything.

- Hey, you guys!

That doesn't sound

like an apology.

What the hell?

- Hey!

- Hello again, strangers.

- Hey. Hi.

- I'm sorry that I stormed out

like that last night.

But I suffer from hypertension.

You probably already knew that.

The whole thing was a blessing, really,

because it finally made Paul realize

how much he needs some R-and-R.

- Sometimes you gotta be zonked

on the head. What can I say?

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You guys are going to New Mexico?

- We're goin', yeah.

Nothing like a cruel acceptance

of a casual invitation, right?

- Invitation? What invitation?

- I think you were in the bathroom.

- Oops. Did we jump the gun here?

- No, this'll be fine.

No, wait. What do you mean

it's fine? It's fine?

- We're sightseeing.

We're not gonna get in your way.

- I'm glad to have the company.

- It's gonna be fun.

- Look, we already checked in. Why don't

I find a row for the baby, okay?

- Terrific!

- Okay. Bye-bye.

- Thanks.

- Bye.

- We'll see you on board, Mel.

I'm sorry about that.

I didn't expect them to show up, honey.

- So what? You just had

a little extra hostility to work out?

- It isn't hostility.

- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- I just barely mentioned it to them.

- Right, great, great.

- Right?

- Great, great.

- Right?

- Whatever, okay?

I wasn't circumcised

until I was a year old.

- Wow! Why?

- I had hypospadias.

- What is that?

- Here you are, sir.

- Well, hypospadias is like

a curvature of the penis that--

- They have to adjust it

with a whole operation.

- Really?

- Yeah. I had it done when I was young.

I mean, it's fine now.

- Oh, wow.

- Here you go. Honey?

- What?

- Why don't you cover yourself, hmm?

I just finished nursing him, okay?

Ever heard of hypospadias?

Is there something wrong

with the plane?

- How, how is the nipple irritation?

- It's really bad, actually.

You know why?

'Cause I, I was watching you...

and I think you might be holding him

at the wrong angle. Hey, I meant--

- I've been doing this for a while now.

- Oh, I know you have.

But, but, you see, when he's under,

when he's under your breast like this...

- Mm-hmm.

- and, see, he pulls down on the nipple

which obviously causes more irritation.

- But if you're out here and bring him

straight into the breasts--

- Uh-huh.

- You know? I mean--

- How'd you get to be

such an expert on all this?

- I went out with a woman

who was a midwife.

- Really?

- Yeah. You have very beautiful

breasts, by the way.

- Thank you.

I re--

I remember them from high school.

- Do you?

- Yeah. No, not that I was

like looking at them...

but, I mean,

I just saw them in passing.

- Hey, Paul?

- Yes, here.

- Do you mind finding another seat?

- I won't look.

- No, no, no, no. We need it

for the baby to stretch out.

- It would really help us out.

- Oh. Another seat, huh?

- Yeah.

- Oh, ok-- Yeah.

- Yeah? Great.

- Thanks a million. Thanks.

- No, that's--

- Okay.

- Thanks.

- All right.

- Hey, thanks for the water.

- Yeah.

- That's the headache pressure point.

- Mmm.

- Can you feel it?

- Yeah.

Is there something happening here

that I haven't been clued into yet?

Paul, would you mind

finding another seat?

This is wonderful. This is great.

I just-- I can't believe how naive I am.

Sir, I can't have you moving around.

Please sit in your assigned seat, okay?

Okay, okay.

Is anybody sitting here?

Does anybody actually own a white

Taurus, or are they all just rentals?

Are you kidding me? This is

the most reliable mid-size in America,

according to all the big reports.

I'm feeling very depressed,

and I would like to talk about

what's happening here.

- What are you feeling depressed about?

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