Flock of Dudes Page #10

Uh, I don't know what

that last part means.

But it can't be all bad.

No, no, no, no, no, it's not.

A guy at Yahoo who happens to

be a raging f***ing coke head

told me he might read an

article I wrote on the 49ers.

Hey, Adam.

I just have a quick question.

Hey, Jamie, what's up?

Yeah, listen.

Barrett's just an

enigma of the man,

and he's playing hard to get.

Oh.

I knew it.

I was totally gonna

tell you that.

Sh*t.

Hey, uh, Mr. RICHTMAN.

What is this?

Yeah, I know.

Look, I want to

apologize about that.

I know I left that in there.

This is really good.

You wrote this?

Yeah.

I had no idea you were a writer.

I want to read more.

Where are the

articles on lacrosse?

Uh, well, there aren't any.

Nobody cares about lacrosse.

What?

You've been here

longer than I have.

I thought you loved lacrosse.

Me?

No.

Honestly, I thought you were

the only one around here

that cared about lacrosse?

What are you doing here

if you don't like lacrosse?

I don't know.

It's my job.

Oh, no.

You're talking to me like a

guy who wants me to fire him.

No, I... I think that

that is maybe what I want.

Actually, no.

I... look, I don't

want to get fired.

Don't fire me.

OK.

Good, I've never

fired anybody before.

I mean, if I were

you, I would fire me.

I mean, you know how long it

took me to do my work today?

A full day's work, I did

it in a half an hour,

and I wasn't even trying.

- How is it even possible?

- I don't know.

It's just so easy.

I mean...

All right, wait.

I'm confused.

Do you want me to

fire you or not?

No, I don't want you to fire me.

I just... I don't want

to lose that too.

That's my job.

- Good.

All right, so I'm

not firing you.

OK.

Why not?

Ugh!

Look, I just...

You want somebody

that wants to be here, right?

And I don't want to be here.

I mean, I have to

move on with my life.

But seriously, don't fire me.

I don't want to get fired.

Oh, god.

All right, Adam.

You're fired.

I'm coming with ya!

Mook, hold on.

No.

Just... it's against the rules.

Wow, this is emotional.

Come on.

No, I just never

fired a guy before.

OK.

Are we good?

- Yeah, we're good.

- OK.

You're still fired

and we're good?

I'm fired and it's all good.

Great.

That felt good.

Who's next?

Lyle, meet me in my office.

Mook, you bring a

plant and a keyboard?

Really?

We were gonna...

You were gonna talk first.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

They're all sitting in a circle,

and they're looking at us.

Um.

Hi.

Hello, everyone.

Thank you for coming to

our jack and Jill party.

I'm Jack, heh-heh.

Jill.

We have a lot of really fun

games that we're going to play.

Don't we, David?

Yes.

Yes, we do.

Um, we have Dirty Taboo.

We have, um, Truth or Dare

Jenga, which should be fun.

Um, we also have

Naughty Pictionary.

We have Uno, which

is just a great game.

Uh, heh.

Dominoes, where we

could just kinda

line them up and see what, you

know, uh, we could flick them.

What the f***?

I think this was

a pretty bad idea.

You guys, you look

totally miserable.

Are you?

OK.

New plan.

Ladies, you guys

all come with me.

We're going to go to a club.

OK?

Guys, you stay here.

Have your bachelor party.

Get crazy.

Do what you do.

I don't need to know about it.

How does that sound?

That sounds great, babe.

Hey, babe?

Mm-hmm?

You f*** a stripper, I kill you.

OK?

OK.

Man, it's so good

that those girls are gone.

It's been a long time

since we've done this.

- We needed it.

- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, look at me!

Looks like I'm going to be the

robe guy of this party, huh?

Any objections?

Uh, maybe a couple.

Any luck?

Oh, I don't need

luck, my friend.

I got a little thing

called technology.

I just found this app,

ordered two strippers.

You got strippers coming?

Oh, yeah.

They're, uh...

Wow, that dude is

the saddest thing

I've ever seen in my life.

Let me put on some

stripper music, yo!

Yeah!

Bam.

Yeah.

Oh, OK.

The strippers are here.

Everybody sit down.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Come on, come on.

Get on the couch!

Get on the couch!

And keep it together.

Keep it cool.

Do not embarrass me.

Chill.

Chill out.

Sorry I yelled.

Let's have fun.

All right.

Just one second!

Hi, I love your beard.

Oh, heh-heh.

Hey.

That's the guy!

That's the bachelor!

All right, that's me.

Anyway...

All right.

Yeah, OK.

Yeah!

Wow.

Heh-heh.

What?

Um...

- Whoa.

- OK.

Hold on.

Is... is everything OK?

Hey, she's crying.

Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, sorry.

He just gets really

nervous before a gang bang.

That's not what this is.

We can try it.

Or not.

Whatever.

What you guys want.

Gang bang, no gang bang,

I'm here to support.

You girls on Linkedln?

Excuse me, stripper?

We're not at all

interested in a gang bang.

We're just looking for some

innocent bachelor party fun

here, OK?

Maybe a little girl on

girl if things get crazy.

We're not lesbian, you perverts.

How are we the perverts here?

Everyone, shut up.

You, bachelor.

It's $100 for handjobs,

250 for blowj*bs,

and 500 to put it

anywhere you want.

Well, almost anywhere.

The back door's always open,

but the front door's closed

due to monthly maintenance.

- Oh, no!

- No!

Unless you're into

it, then it's double.

Double?

I don't think you understand.

We're not really hooker guys.

OK, well, we're really hookers.

All right, sweetie, look.

On this app, on this app,

it says in the description

"exotic dancers."

OK.

Well, that's because...

That's because we can't say

that we f*** for money, retard.

You are a very

immature prostitute.

Oh, really, senator?

You're really immature yourself.

You know what?

We came all the way

down here, and we're not

leaving until we get paid, OK?

So who's ready to f***ing party?

- No, not like that.

- Huh?

The brown guy?

You want to party?

Uh, how much is it for her to

stop crying and for both of you

to go home?

$300.

Oh, that's a ripoff, man.

How much for a handjob?

Yes!

Pussypop is back!

See this?

Soak it in.

That's your future.

Nobody likes strippers

more than married dudes.

Hell, is this one crying?

Well, sh*t.

I got some I'm into

cry and not cry, cry,

cry, cry, cry, cry, cry, cry.

Cry!

Ha ha!

Yeah!

Why aren't you crying?

Hey, guys.

Let's get the f*** out of here.

Hey, yeah.

You know what?

Hey, forget that

jack and Jill party.

That was way better

than that, man.

Where's David?

I think he's puking

with Pussypop somewhere.

Where... where we

going to take him next?

Let's go to Jumbo's, man.

Ooh!

Get him a lap dance.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, Deb says that her and

the girls are at Poubelle.

Oh, let's just do that then.

Whoa, no way.

F*** that.

This is our night, dude.

Oh, but dude, you know, I'd

really like you to meet Deb,

get to know her.

Ha-ha, who cares about Deb?

- Well, I care about Deb.

- No, I know.

I'm not... I don't

mean it like that.

I'm just saying, you know, OK.

Hey, look.

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