Flock of Dudes Page #9

Yeah.

This one's for you, Fu.

I'll never go away.

Hey, b*tches love

dancing, right?

Yeah, yeah, they do.

Hey, here's the thing.

I don't want you to f*** any

of these girls, all right?

You're definitely

going to get hep C.

- Huh.

- I'm just kidding.

Oh.

You can f*** them.

Hep C is treatable

with antibiotics.

Either way, you know?

Don't worry about it.

You're not going to get

any ass dressed like this.

You look like a bag

of wet sandwiches.

Oh.

Uh, that's so rude.

But, uh, it's my favorite shirt.

It's got a collar

and everything, so.

Really?

This shirt cost $600.

$600, that shirt?

That's a... I mean, I don't even

know how that could... wow, OK?

F*** you.

Yeah, that's really soft.

That's amazing how soft...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,

stop touching me.

OK.

I feel like you led me to that.

So how are you supposed

to talk to girls here?

It's so loud.

God, you're not supposed

to be talking at all.

You just have to have

well-defined cheekbones

and a shitload of money.

Ah.

Or you have to play for

the Lakers like that guy.

I don't really think that guy

actually plays for the Lakers.

He's just... maybe

just a black guy

that bought a... a windbreaker.

But yeah.

I get what you're saying.

Oh, they could

sure use them, huh?

Yeah, true that.

The Lakers man... they flop

worse than M. Night Shyamalan.

Hey, where'd you hear that?

I wrote that.

Really?

Yeah.

No sh*t.

My roommate sent me that link.

I should introduce you.

He works for Yahoo.

They're looking for writers.

Really?

Which one's your roommate?

He's that old guy trying

to party like he's 22.

Let's do some

molly, motherfuckers!

Woo!

I feel amazing!

Hey, you know what?

I'll connect you guys later.

Don't worry about it.

Oh, sh*t!

This is our song, bros!

Let's go, Jim.

Let's go!

God.

That's... that's so exhausting.

All right, motherfuckers.

It's that time o' night.

Hand in your credit cards.

What do we do?

We just split it up, yeah?

Split it... yeah,

that's what we do.

No, bro.

We play credit card roulette.

We let the young lady

to my left decide who is

the richest among us tonight.

Oh, the new guy!

New guy has to pay

for everything!

Welcome to the circle!

- Adam Bomb!

- OK.

All right.

- That can't be too bad, right?

- Oh, yeah.

You got to pay for,

what, six bottles?

Yeah, 2 grand... not even.

2 grand?

You're f***ing serious?

Bro, do me a favor.

Tip her well.

She's coming back

to the after-party.

Let's rock and roll, my place!

Awesome hanging

out with you, man.

We got to do this more.

Let's go.

So dude, thanks for giving

us the place last night.

But Amanda came up with this

amazing idea during dinner.

What?

Since we haven't

had sex in so long,

we save ourselves

for our wedding night

to make it more

special, you know?

I think it's pretty cool.

That sounds like

a terrible idea.

I think it's a great

idea, because it's

like I'm a virgin again now.

You're not a virgin.

You're a dude that

doesn't have sex,

and there's a lot

of those out there.

All right, well, you

can agree to disagree.

I think it's a great idea.

So anyway, how are you doing?

Well, I miss fantasy

football more than I

miss our dead grandmother.

I had a nightmare the

other night about a summer

without fantasy baseball.

That was terrible.

Other than that, I totally

think that this breakup

was a mistake.

First of all, Nana

would be crushed

if she heard you say that.

And the breakup was

not a bad idea, OK?

You needed this.

So how are the other guys?

They're good.

They're good.

Uh, Barrett enrolled in a

couple of night classes at USC,

actually.

He's killing it with the girls.

Mook calls me a lot, actually.

I don't know what

his deal is, but he's

taking some sort of class.

I don't know.

He wasn't really specific.

Howie emailed me.

He got a promotion,

I think, at work.

And he's dating someone

who's got a kid.

OK, great.

So I'm in last place.

Dude, this is not a race.

What?

Nothing.

This guy is measuring my inner

thigh, and I think it moved.

Oh, so you're... you're gay.

Oh, really?

I'm gay?

I'm in a committed

relationship, and you just

broke up with a bunch of dudes.

How am I gay?

You're in a committed

relationship,

but you won't have

sex with a girl.

I'm in a committed relationship,

but I'm choosing not to

have sex with a girl.

How is that gay?

That's actually so gay.

That's so gay.

Yeah, I totally got that, yeah.

Oh.

I thought we were

going to keep pretending

that exercising was fun.

You can't go jogging in that.

I honestly thought

you were joking.

This outfit is not ironic.

So what are we gonna do now?

You know what?

You were right.

This is a way better

idea than working out.

Yeah.

Stick with me, and you'll

be out of shape in no time.

- I got it, I got it!

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Hey.

You all right?

Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

Adam.

What?

We should probably stop.

I mean, you know, uh,

we don't have to stop.

I just... I don't want to

screw things up, you know?

Well, for the record, I don't

think it screws things up.

I think it makes

things way better.

I just... I just don't

think it's the right time.

Really?

You're single for once.

Technically, it's

like the perfect time.

Yeah, but it doesn't

feel that way to me.

Can't we just, you know,

continue to hang out as friends

and see where it

goes from there?

I'm just... I'm not ready

for more than that.

Well I am.

Are you sure?

I think you need time

to figure things out.

And I just... I just need you

to give me some time too.

Oh, I will.

I... I totally will.

I think that time is great.

But I think that that thing

that we just did where we kissed

is also awesome.

And I think that while

we're taking that time,

we can continue to hang

out and do cool things.

And every now and then,

I'll kiss you, and...

Adam, look.

I just can't be at the top

of your list right now.

I'm... I'm sorry, but

that's where I'm at.

Well, it's not where I'm at.

I want more than that.

Hey, Adam.

Uh, sorry to bother you.

But I was thinking

about putting together

a presentation regarding

the NNL's ability to...

I'm in love.

Dude, her name is Stephanie.

And I know we're not

supposed to say anything,

but I had to tell somebody.

Wow.

Where'd you meet her?

Uh, just this class

where we learn things.

You know, books and sh*t.

Uh, anyway you'll get

to meet her at David's

stupid jack and Jill party.

Yeah, cool.

I'll get to meet your girl.

I'll get to meet Howie's

girl and maybe her kid.

I'll get to meet,

uh, Barrett's girls.

I'll sure he'll have

a few hot coeds,

'cause he's the

big man on campus.

It'll be a f***ing

great night for me.

Dude, are you doing all right?

Yeah, I'm great.

Never been better.

I still don't have a girl.

I'm broke as sh*t.

I'm sleeping on a

pull-out mattress.

And at any given

moment, I'm worried

that a condom broke and I might

have a litter of tiger cubs.

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