Flock of Dudes Page #8

No.

Yeah, for sure.

We're doing it.

I guess it does look like fun.

Aah, f***!

Ha ha ha!

All right, I think

it's your turn to row.

What?

We just got out here.

I know, but it's like it's

exercise disguised as fun,

and I don't like that.

Oh, guess what.

My dad is a fan of your blog.

Oh.

Cool.

You know, it's funny.

I think that a lot of

people are actually reading

my stuff now because of you.

No, they're reading

it because it's good.

But you have to

keep updating it,

and then more

people will read it.

I would, but I got... like,

I'm really... I'm just so busy,

you know?

Like I got, like, uh, work.

And now, um, I got this

rowboat hobby that I'm doing.

Um, hey, why don't you

break up with Justin?

I'm sorry, what?

Is it 'cause you...

He's, like, the kinda

guy that doesn't wear a costume

at a Halloween party or what?

No.

Well, kinda.

I don't... I don't know.

Maybe we could

hang out sometime.

I mean, do you like sushi?

There's a really cool

place that opened up.

I mean, I just broke

up with him last week.

Guess somebody got

you already, huh?

Are you being serious right now?

I am.

I just... you know,

you're single now.

And I just felt

like it was probably

a good time to get in there.

Not in there.

Not like that.

But, uh, you know.

Ever since I've known

you, you've... you've just

gone from guy to guy.

Heh-heh.

I don't mean it like that.

That's a terrible

way to say it too.

Look, I just... it's

been a long time

since I've done something

like this in the daylight

and just sober.

I've definitely never

done it in a rowboat,

so please cut me some slack.

You know, while you're

not totally off base,

I guess I've... I've been in

relationship after relationship

ever since college, you know?

And it's... it's hard

to figure out who

you are as a whole

when you've always

been part of something else.

Does that make any sense?

Yeah.

Uh, I mean, it makes

total sense, you know?

That's why I broke

up with my friends.

With your friends?

It's just a stupid thing

that we're doing, you know?

Oh, I get it.

That's where you're

playing kickball.

You're on the rebound.

Heh-heh.

So listen, I... I didn't... I

didn't mean to screw this up.

I'm just... look, I like... I

like hanging out with you.

And I like talking

to you about stuff.

And I just figure, I don't know.

Hey, look, we're both

in the same boat, right?

Oh, my god.

I know, that was super corny.

Even when I said it, I

knew it was too much, but...

Oh, my god, Adam.

There is a guy

masturbating over there!

- Holy sh*t.

- Oh.

Oh.

- You dropped the oars?

- Paddle.

Paddle, paddle.

Hey, you guys.

How you doing?

Uh, pretty good.

How are you, man?

I'm great.

You look like a cute couple.

How long you been together?

We're not really going

out together, you know?

We just have a, um...

She's not really ready.

She's, uh...

I'm not... I'm not ready.

So, um, we can...

Timing is everything.

When I first moved

out here in my 20s,

I wanted to go out every

night and paint the town red.

I was dating this girl.

Her idea of a perfect evening

was to stay home with a bottle

of wine, listen to Johnny Cash.

Now I'm older.

Oh, god.

And that's all I want to do.

Mm.

That girl... she's long gone.

She was the right girl.

Just the wrong time.

That's really sad, man.

That's sad, huh?

Adam, move the boat!

Oh, hey.

Uh, yeah.

Thanks, man.

Uh, so we... we probably got

to get out of here, so...

You need a hand?

Oh, no, thanks.

No... no hands.

Wow, so this guy was just

whacking it in plain view?

Tastes amazing.

Yeah, he was just

standing there thumbing his

dick, like, all casually

like he was reading a book.

Wow.

You have to admire

that, you know?

Just to be so free.

I can't imagine.

I could never do that, you know?

And I'm engaged now.

That's probably one

thing that I can't do.

You know, jerk off in public...

I probably can't do that.

Are you nervous about

the wedding, man?

No, not at all.

Why?

I mean, maybe a little.

Why?

Where are you?

Um, I'm actually gonna

pick up some food right now.

Do you want me to bring home

dinner for you and Amanda?

Uh, no, no.

We're watching our weight.

Mm!

And... and hey, could... could you

actually not come home tonight?

Yeah, it's just, we could kinda

use the place to ourselves...

Just the two of us, you know?

Oh, you're such a romantic.

Yeah, I'll just...

I'll stay in my room.

No, seriously, man.

We haven't... we haven't had

sex since you've moved in.

It's the truth.

She can't do it knowing that

you're in the next room.

So please?

Just don't come home tonight.

Just please don't, you know?

Or just do something else.

Well, what the hell

am I supposed to do?

I can't even hang

out with anybody.

No, Adam.

You're not allowed to hang

out with three guys, OK?

So just do something,

anything, please.

I can't talk right now.

I'm in the middle of some really

important wedding sh*t, OK?

Babe, the rocky road one?

Marshmallows in cake?

Don't come home.

All right.

Oh, god damn!

Adam f***ing Bomb, man.

It is so good to have you, man.

Thanks for calling.

Yeah, thanks for having me.

Hey, do you want of this?

Uh, oh, no, thank you.

I'm good.

It's cocaine.

No, no, I definitely

know what it is.

But I don't...

- You don't do cocaine?

You don't want some of this?

- I know.

Shh.

Don't... I... I'm all good.

Thank you.

This place is f***ing

awesome, right?

Yeah, it's pretty good.

That's Andrea.

She's a model.

Very cool.

I don't know what she models,

but her skin is amazing.

Touch it.

Oh, no, I can see it.

That's... that's nice.

No, no, no, she doesn't mind.

Go ahead, touch her skin.

- OK.

No, don't pat it.

Like, touch it.

- Oh, like...

- Yeah, get in there.

Yeah.

- OK.

OK.

Honestly, after seeing

someone like her,

I understand why you would

cut somebody else's skin

off and wear it as your own.

Oh, my god!

No, don't worry about it, man.

I'm not actually gonna do that.

Yeah, good!

Look, man.

Be f***ing cool, all right?

This is my joint.

OK.

I'll... I'll just... I'll

be calm from here on out.

I'm just f***ing with you, man.

- Ha.

- I got you.

Oh, you got me?

I got you, Adam Bomb, man!

Let's do a lap.

OK.

Just like old times, right?

Yeah, kinda.

I mean, we didn't really

hang out that much, but...

Hey.

Do you remember that time senior

year, Mr. York's physics class?

I stole that answer key, copied

it, and gave it to everybody.

And it turns out it was from,

like, three years before.

And we all failed, and that

one Asian kid killed himself?

Yeah.

I can't get that

kid out of my head.

That kid still haunts my dreams.

Do you remember his name?

Uh, no.

It was Daniel Fu.

How do you forget that?

Oh, right.

Do you remember his face?

Yeah.

I remember what he looked like.

OK.

I do too.

Daniel Fu... now I

remember his name.

Daniel Fu.

God damn it, I miss high school.

I f***ing ruled that place.

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