Flock of Dudes Page #7

Just emailed it to myself.

Oh, nice.

I grew up with some pretty

die-hard Niners fans,

so I thought I'd send it to

them to see if you actually

know what you're talking about.

OK.

Hi.

Hi.

Uh, hey, so thanks for setting

me up with Krista, but...

Oh yeah, whatever, she's crazy.

Hey, have you spoken to Barrett?

Uh, as a matter of

fact, no, I haven't

talked to Barrett at all.

Oh.

That's good.

He's just a hard guy to

get a hold of right now.

OK, cool.

Talk to you later.

Bye!

Look, I feel really guilty

meeting up with you like this,

but I really have no choice.

You followed?

No, I don't think so.

Can't be too sure.

We should probably

speak in code.

The black scorpion

awaits in the dark.

What... what are

you talking about?

Is this about the man

in the green beret?

Who?

Dude, you texted secret meeting.

I thought that means

we speak in code,

like some bad-ass spy sh*t.

OK, but you got to

be more specific.

I don't know about

that sh*t... spy sh*t.

- Come on.

- Why?

Is that why you look

like Bruno Mars?

It's kind of a good look.

Oh, no.

Anyways, what's up?

Well, look.

There's this girl at work, Beth.

And she's been

unusually flirty lately.

And I just... I

think recently, she

broke up with her boyfriend.

And I just don't... I don't

know what I should do.

OK, so you like her?

Uh, I don't know, man.

I mean, yeah, she's like

the perfect girl, you know?

She's... she's smart.

She's huge.

She looks great in

a pair of shorts.

That's good.

Sometimes when I have

to make a decision,

I'll think about what

Beth, would maybe

think the right decision

was, and then I would

gear my decision towards that.

The other day, I was

at this crosswalk.

And I was waiting

to cross the street.

And I caught myself daydreaming

just about her laugh

and about how cute Christmas

year her voice was.

And I just... I totally

missed two walk signals.

I don't know.

If you're asking me

now, I guess I haven't

really thought about it.

So I just... I don't really

have an answer for you.

OK.

Christmasy voice, huh?

Here's what you got to do.

If she's newly

single, that means

you're not the only guy waiting

in the wings ready to pounce.

You got to make a bold move.

Can't just be another

shoulder for her to cry on.

Not if you want her to

pounce on something else.

I'm talking about your penis.

No, I know.

There's really no

other way to take that.

You're homophobic if

you don't hold my hand.

You're homophobic if

you don't hold my hand.

Do I look like

I've gained weight?

Yeah.

- Whoa!

- Whoa!

Whoa, whoa!

See, I told you

we were being followed.

What the hell are you

guys doing together?

Uh, what the hell are you

guys doing together, huh?

We were having a secret meeting,

and it was totally Adam's fault!

Hey.

Aha!

Don't "aha" me.

You guys are together

too, so what's going on?

Well, we were having

a secret meeting

about your secret meeting.

Oh, really?

And how the f*** did

you guys find out?

Because Barrett tweeted,

"Super secret meeting,

undisclosed location.

Spy, bad-ass style."

140 characters, got it in.

Why are you following

me on Twitter still?

We broke up.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're so broken up.

I trusted you, Adam.

I trusted you!

All right, don't

make that about trust.

No, no, no.

- No, come on, no.

No, you knew.

You know, know, know,

know, know, know, know.

Hey, hey!

Stop!

Look!

Listen!

We all know, know,

know, know, know.

OK?

But look.

We made a mistake.

But we're all guilty.

Yes.

Yes, yeah, yeah.

OK.

I get you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, so what do we do now?

Well, we don't

tell David about it.

That's for sure.

It's best that David

stays out of it, right?

Right.

Yeah.

You guys do whatever

you gotta do.

Excuse me, boys.

- Where are you going?

- Barrett.

Barrett, where are you going?

Oh.

Wow.

Stay strong, guys, you know?

Just... we don't

need to go in there.

This is wrong.

This is so wrong.

Oh.

Mook.

Barrett,.

I'm gonna walk over

there, man, you know?

Just walk over there,

see what happens.

Howie.

F***in'... Howie.

Oh.

Hey, guys.

What's up?

- Hey.

- Hi.

I haven't seen you forever.

How you been?

Ugh.

It's good to see

you back together.

Oh, we're not back together.

We're just kinda...

Nah, no, we just got drunk.

Yeah, I don't know if

I'm... I'm ready to just

dive back in again, you know?

OK.

So are we back together again?

Oh, well, well,

well, well, well.

David, this isn't

what it looks like.

Really, Howie?

Because it looks to me like you

guys all went out last night,

got sh*t hammered,

and now you're

eating breakfast in

the same filthy clothes

you were wearing

the night before.

How did you... how do

you know we're here?

Well, when you guys broke

up, I got this made up.

Gave it to all the

bars around town.

Really?

I look awesome in this photo.

Yeah, it's a good photo.

Who ratted?

Pretty much all of them.

You guys must have had a

crazy night last night.

And also the fact

that someone texted

me a picture of their scrotum

at 5:
00 in the morning

didn't really help matters.

Whose scrotum?

I don't know, Mook.

It wasn't wearing a name tag.

Look, guys.

I understand that

this is hard for you.

Unfortunately, you

all should have

been somewhere else last night.

Do you just carry

the breakup contract

around with you at all times?

It's weird.

It's really weird.

Well, I'm sorry, you guys.

But you have to say goodbye

to fantasy football.

All money will be

refunded immediately.

And unfortunately,

since this all

started with a secret

meeting... thanks for the tweet,

Barrett... two violations

have occurred.

Come on, dude.

I'm sorry to say the place

on 9th Street is... is gone.

And I'm going to give

Amanda the jack and Jill

party she's always wanted.

I hate when you say those words.

It's discussing.

It's so f***ing lame.

Stay away from each

other, I'm telling you

guys, because if I

catch you one more time,

you're gonna be paying

for booze at my wedding,

and fantasy baseball

will disappear.

Oh, you are drunk with power!

You have a problem!

Hey, David, guess what.

That was my scrotum!

Yeah.

Heh.

There you go, bro.

Just... I'm sorry.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

You-hoo-hoo.

I almost marked you down for

too hungover to consider it.

Very funny.

What happened to you last night?

Well, let's see.

I went out with

some girlfriends.

We went drinking and dancing.

And I think I may have

done some more drinking.

I'm not going to Wangers today.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, nobody calls it that.

So you're gonna take it easy?

Yeah, I... I want

to take it easy.

I could take it easy too.

What are we doing?

What are we doing?

Yeah, me and you.

We're at a park.

They got a lot of cool, like,

trees we could lay under.

We could walk around.

We could go on... rowboats?

They have rowboats.

Did you know they

have rowboats here?

That's awesome.

Let's do that.

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