Flock of Dudes Page #6

and thinking about each other.

That's super f***ing weird.

Well, here's the other

thing about my mind, man.

I don't really care about

your stupid little contract.

OK.

In my mind, I

don't care about it.

Well, in my mind, I

care about the contract.

So how do you explain that?

Well, in my mind, we're not

talking about that at all.

We're continuing the

conversation about the jeans.

In my mind, the conversation

shifted into a different thing.

Well, in my mind, it didn't.

In my mind, it's about,

uh, 20 minutes long.

And in the midst of that

conversation in my mind,

you apologize for cutting your

jeans into stupid f***ing jean

shorts.

And then also in my mind, I

don't accept your apology.

I don't accept your

apology in my mind!

Well, in my mind, you

accepted the apology.

You... you totally graciously

accept the apology.

And you were even a

little bit... you bowed.

You were a little bit

Japanese about it.

How's that?

Jesus.

Howie!

What are you doing?

Oh!

Hey!

What the hell, man?

Where are you going?

Howie?

Howie?

I got it!

- Hey, man, how's it going?

- You're not gonna run to second?

Huh?

No.

No, no, no.

I'm not gonna do that.

Oh.

Hey, I'm sorry

about before, man.

Yeah, don't worry about it, man.

It's all good.

Hey, hey, hey.

We don't want to

make this weird.

No, of course not.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Woo!

That's game, you guys.

Hey, Beth, thanks for today.

That was fun.

- Yeah!

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, are you going to

come to Big Wangs?

Oh, Wangers?

You... you guys are

going to Wangers?

Heh.

Nobody calls it that.

But yeah, we go every Saturday.

Cool.

Yeah, I'm in.

I knew it.

I mean, deep down, you know

it's an athletic ability.

I mean, I haven't kicked

a ball since eighth grade,

but I've been

competitive-drinking

since ninth.

Hi.

Sorry to interrupt, but did

you lose a business card?

No I don't...

No, you didn't,

because that one's mine.

Call me.

That's a good move, man.

I got to do that.

Perhaps some business cards.

Holy sh*t, dude.

Adam!

You two know each other?

Uh, I mean...

Sh*t, yeah, we do.

This is Adam Bomb right here.

Right, Adam Bomb.

Adam Bomb!

Like the bomb.

Adam Bomb, like

the atom bomb, dude.

Exactly.

Great to see you, man.

You gonna introduce

me to your friend?

Uh, Beth, Butler.

Hi.

It's very nice to meet you.

Butler's not my

first name, though.

I only give my first

name out to women

I'm about to have sex with.

It's Andrew.

Wow.

I'm going to go to

the ladies' room.

Want to meet me back there?

Don't knock, you know?

Just... just blaze right in.

I absolutely will.

God, that's never

actually worked before.

- Right.

- Sh*t, man.

So how's it been going

since high school?

Do people still

call you Adam Bomb?

Uh, no.

Nobody really called

me that but you.

No, man, no.

Other people called you that.

Well, you bullied

them into that.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

Sh*t, man, I was good at that.

Good at... there's no

good at bullying, really.

It's just bad.

No, you can be good

at bullying, man.

- Yeah?

- Oh, hello.

Were you the guy

that ordered these?

Yes, I was.

Thank you very much.

Oh, my... oh.

Oh, sh*t.

My god, I am so sorry, ma'am.

I didn't mean to...

Oh, my god.

I totally meant to do that.

That was for you, buddy.

What?

I saw some nipple in there.

Did you see some nipple?

I wasn't really

looking at her nipples.

I totally saw a nipple.

Hey, check it out.

I'm gonna leave this

one here for you.

I only get two so I can

come 'em on the ladies.

- Oh.

- Great to see you, man.

Look.

Butler and the Bomb, man.

We have got to hang out.

That's my information.

You give me a call.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom,

because I don't know

if your lady friend was kidding

about wanting to f*** me,

but I am not going to

take that chance, OK?

OK.

Great seeing you.

Oh, Jesus.

F***.

Is the coast clear?

Yeah, you're safe.

That was weird.

Yep.

You should totally

hang out with that guy.

He's got a great card.

I don't know.

I've done some

awful things, but I

don't think I could

ever be as douchey

as one of those finance guys.

You know Justin's

in finance, right?

Oh.

Yeah.

I mean, they're not all douches.

I was just...

No, they are.

All of them.

'Sup?

Hmm?

We're texting Barrett now?

How the hell did you know?

Well, I mean, I'm the best.

I'm a mind reader.

And I also took your

phone and changed

all the guys' numbers

to mine, 'cause I

knew you were gonna crack.

Oh, come on.

It was a moment of

weakness, all right?

It won't happen again.

OK.

And who texts "'sup" anyway?

What are you, 15?

So what's going on?

Do you not know what

to do with yourself?

Uh, I don't know.

You need to try new things.

You need to meet new people.

Have you tried anything

new since the breakup?

Yeah, I played kickball.

OK.

I fed a tiger.

Good!

Good, that's something.

You would've never

gone to the zoo

if you were still hanging

out... never mind, I got it.

We should make a list.

Uh, I'm not really

a list guy, you know?

Adam.

OK.

Uh, let's make a list.

I'm proud of myself.

This list is coming

along really well.

We got "get contacts,"

'cause you need 'em.

Get shirts that fit.

And, uh, get off our

family plan, man.

You're 30 years old.

Yeah.

Oh, also, I want you to put

down "have a threesome," too,

because if I have to put down

and figure out what I'm going

to do with my life, then

I want to have something

to look forward to as well.

- I'll put down threesome.

Why are... what

are we doing here?

Here you go.

Thanks.

Oh, my god.

That... I love this.

Do you have to display

them like we're...

What is this?

That's so cute, dude!

Look at this.

You're so cute here, for real.

That's the cutest

thing I've ever seen.

This looks like it would

be on the back of a... like,

on a Spanish textbook.

And this is how you'd learn

the word "happy" for Spanish.

I want to get 70 of these and

line my wall in then so when

I wake up I'm super happy.

Do not put that on my account.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Hi, Beth.

Good morning.

- Morning.

What are you, uh... what

are you working on?

Uh, if I tell you about

it, you promise you're

not going to laugh at me?

No.

OK, deal.

I'm not allowed to post on any

of our fantasy message boards

anymore.

So I just kind of started

this thing where I... I mean,

I guess it's a blog... where

I just write about sports...

Like baseball, football.

Lacrosse.

Well, no, not lacrosse.

People don't give

a sh*t about that.

But yeah, it's

just like for fun.

Like, I just write it to

get it out of my brain.

I mean, nobody really sees it.

Well, we should fix that.

OK.

Um, you need, like, keywords.

Like, Lakers, Yankees, b*obs.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know about

what you're doing,

but I was going

to suggest b*obs.

Yeah, because you can never

go wrong with b*obs, right?

Right.

Well, that should... should help.

Oh, wait.

One second.

What are you doing now?

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