Flock of Dudes Page #11

I'm going to stop right here.

Stop it.

- What?

- Stop.

- Stopping?

Stop.

OK.

I was going to wait to do this.

But f*** it, OK?

What is that?

What... what are those?

These are the keys to

David's place, the place

that David was talking about.

I went down, and

I convinced them

to let me make a deposit on it.

This place is ours.

Oh, dude.

You really did that?

I mean, that's...

That's really cool.

But I've been actually saving

up money to get my own place,

like a condo or something.

Howard, man.

Are you being

responsible, Howard?

That is his name.

If you're responsible, you have

to use your full name, Howard.

I don't know either.

I'm... I kinda like

staying on campus.

I'm thinking about

getting my master's,

maybe becoming a professor.

That's awesome.

You're gonna make a difference.

Yeah, maybe.

And I also get to

hang around college

girls for the rest of my life.

So it's kinda like a

no-brainer, you know?

What's your excuse, huh, Mook?

I don't think the time is right.

You don't think

it's the right time.

Ha.

Are you guys being serious?

You guys... you don't want

to live together anymore?

It's over?

No, we're almost contractually

allowed to hang out again soon.

Yeah, but it was supposed

to go back to the way

that things were.

To be honest, man,

I really want to go

back to the way things were.

I like how things are now.

Yeah.

Same.

Oh.

I feel like a big

a**hole right now.

- No, Adam, come on.

- No, no.

Hey, come on.

Look.

That's not the way it is, man.

I mean, the breakup actually

worked for all of us.

Yeah, for you, man.

For you.

I didn't work for me.

I lost.

I f***ed it all up.

And I tried to do this sh*t,

and I just f***ed it all up.

Isn't not going to

be the way it was.

We can't just go back.

Why bother?

Hey, hey.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

I don't know where I'm going.

But I'm telling you, I f***ed

it up, and I don't know.

OK?

So you... you guys, good.

You're better off without me.

And I'm going to go be

better off without you.

That's not cool, bro.

It's not how it is.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

I can't... I can't find that

bag... that... that little bag

had the... the cufflinks in it.

I hate that bag, you

know what I mean?

It's the worst bag in the world.

It's like, I had it.

I had the bag at the rehearsal.

I definitely had it

at the rehearsal.

I mean, is it so hard

to make a f***ing shirt

with black buttons

already on it.

Relax.

I'll go get the bag.

It's cool.

Seriously, it's a man's

wedding day, you know?

You would think that the last

thing would be on his mind

are the f***ing black buttons.

David, sit down.

It's like, I can't

wear white buttons.

Amanda will kill me...

- Right, I know.

You know, let alone marry me.

She might just kill me in

front of her whole family.

I hear you, OK?

Yeah, we're doing it.

Jack Daniel's.

Hey.

Hey, what up, man?

Um, are you... you're sure

you need that bag now?

Because you look... I

mean, you just look

great just looking at you now.

Yeah.

Yes, I need the b... why?

What's going on?

Um, the guys are out there.

And it's just weird.

I... I haven't talked to them,

you know, since the thing or...

Adam, it's my wedding day.

Swallow your pride.

Make nice-nice with

your f***ing friends.

And get me that f***ing bag!

Just give me the f***ing bag!

You nervous?

I just want to die.

Here.

Here, here.

Just... just drink.

I'm gonna die a virgin.

It's really happening, huh?

Yeah, it really is.

No, I... I don't know if this is

the best time to bring this up.

Uh, I've been meaning

to apologize to you.

Uh, you know, I... I probably

wasn't the best boyfriend.

Adam, it's fine.

Honestly.

Everything worked out the

way it was supposed to.

We're good.

- Prick.

- Hey.

I know.

I'm just... I'm sorry kind of.

Whoa, hey.

What's up?

Hey.

What's up, man?

How are you, man?

- It's been so long.

- Oh, man.

I haven't seen you.

Yeah, hey.

Yeah, I heard... I

read on your blog

that you're writing

for Yahoo now?

Yeah, Yahoo.

Yeah, well, I mean, you

know, I'm a freelance writer.

But, uh, there's a shot that

might bump me up to staff.

So good to hear.

How are you doing?

Uh, good, man.

Good.

It's been slightly, like,

weird without you guys.

Wrote a lot of books.

Uh-huh.

Went on a lot of

pub crawls on my own.

No way.

Got really into Chris

Isaak for a while.

One day, I was just like,

oh, let's just see how

many times I can masturbate.

No way.

Can you check and see the guys?

Never look at Jennifer

Lawrence again.

Can you...

Tried crystal meth.

Um, it was pretty good.

Can you see the guys

over... over this way?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Are they looking over here?

- Yep.

- They are?

Yep.

Can you just do something,

like I just made a joke?

Like laugh.

Just, like, laugh

like crazy right now.

What, are you trying

to make them jealous?

No.

Will you just f***ing laugh?

Please do this for me.

Go.

Right?

Right?

Right?

No, don't look over there.

Look over here.

Make it about me.

Yeah.

Oh, right?

Cool man.

So, um...

OK, hold on.

Can you just look over here now?

Don't look at them.

Don't look at them, dude.

Don't look at them.

Do I... I seem

comfortable, right?

Yes.

Well, don't... you

got to stop laughing.

Stop laughing.

- OK.

Stop f***ing laughing.

Well, hold on one second.

Don't leave.

Let me be the one who leaves

so it looks more like I... I'm

the guy who's,

like, deciding when

the conversation's over, OK?

- Ro.

- Ro.

- Ro.

- My man.

Hey, hey, hey.

Come over here.

- Get over here.

Hey, how's it going?

I missed you guys.

OK, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, no.

What did he say?

What did Adam say to you?

We saw you guys talking.

What's up?

OK, I cannot deal

with this anymore!

I cannot be in the

middle anymore!

You guys are playing

a wicked game!

Whoa.

I got to find some crystal meth.

Sh*t!

Adam.

Hey.

I'm sorry.

Um...

Call me Uncle Reed.

I'm a friend of your mother's.

Oh.

That's a hell of a

wedding going on, isn't it?

Yeah, it's, uh, good.

I haven't seen you dancing.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm just not... not...

Dancing tonight.

Oh, yeah.

I used to be like

that... self-conscious

about being another

run-of-the-mill

white guy dancing at a wedding.

Yeah.

I mean, that's just...

That's not really the issue.

I just kinda... not really

in the mood, you know?

I get it.

I get it... weddings.

Weddings... yeah, you never

know how they're gonna hit ya.

But Davy's... he's a good kid.

I don't think you have to

worry about losing him.

Um, yeah.

I'm actually not worried

about that at all.

Families get bigger.

Right.

And Davy... he's...

He's the same guy.

Well, he... nobody

really calls him Davy.

Um, and...

Adam.

What's up?

The book of life has

many, many chapters.

Right?

And what once you

finish one chapter,

you don't throw away the book.

Mm.

You keep on reading.

Is this... are you a... is

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