Flock of Dudes Page #4

They do that at your job.

They do that at every job.

Every job has promotions.

Every job has promotions.

You're not a prostitute.

There's somewhere to go.

Barrett, you quit college

to join a dart league.

Yes, I did.

And we won.

So it was worth it.

Totally not worth it.

And Mook, you know, you

work at the lacrosse thing.

But I still don't

really know what

you want to do with your life.

I just want to dance.

Exactly.

Mook wants to dance.

And he wouldn't... what?

What?

I didn't say anything.

You want to dance.

Homo.

OK, that's homophobic.

Not cool.

But I think... I think

that Adam has a point.

You guys definitely

need a break from this.

Of course, you'd never

be able to do it.

But, you know.

Wait, are you challenging us?

Yeah, I'm challenging

you, Barrett.

- Challenge accepted.

- OK.

Are there rules?

What are the rules?

You guys want to see the rules?

OK, well, I brought the rules.

What is that?

These are the rules.

These are the breakup contract.

When did you write that?

Well, when Adam

called me last night,

I couldn't really go to sleep.

So I drew this up.

I knew that the only way

you guys would pay attention

if I made this sh*t official.

So here it is, OK?

First up, all

communication cut off.

This sh*t's not going to

happen forever, right?

So I figure six months is a

good time for the breakup.

My wedding is in six months.

It seems like a natural end.

And listen, I know

getting evicted sucks.

But I worked that

into the contract, OK?

It's going to help

the break up a ton.

The three of you, I'll

find you all sublets.

Adam, you can move in

with me and Amanda.

Ha, your marriage is doomed.

I think I'll help.

OK, OK, OK.

What kind of cool sh*t

do we get if we win?

I'm glad you asked

that, Barrett.

There's a place on 9th Street.

I have this stuff on lockdown.

I'm good friends with the owner,

and he gave me first dibs.

- What?

- Yeah.

It's not even available till

the spring, and it's amazing.

Four bedrooms,

two baths, a dozen

bars within walking distance.

I would honestly move in

there myself if I wasn't...

Making a huge mistake?

I was going to

say happily living

in a valley with my fiancee.

And this could be

for us, like, to live.

Like, we can live there?

Now, listen.

If this is going to work,

there needs to be consequences,

and you guys need to

be horrified of them.

I think if you break the

rules for the first time,

I cancel fantasy football.

You're not gonna do that.

I'm just getting started.

If you break the rules a second

time, this place is gone.

Just erase it from your mind.

And my bachelor party

is off, and I'm throwing

- a jack and Jill party instead.

- The f*** is that?

I don't even

know what those are.

Yeah, what is that?

It's when the bride and groom

have their parties together.

- What?

- Nobody does that.

- Do people do that?

- That's bad for you.

That's not even

a real thing, man.

And if you break

it a third time,

I'm going to make my

wedding a cash bar.

And you could say goodbye

to fantasy baseball.

Oh, my... I hate you, David.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

What the f***?

- What are you doing, man?

- Chill.

I'm upset too.

I'm upset too.

I have another question.

Yes, sir.

Why are you doing this?

I don't know, guys.

I think that it's a great thing.

I think you guys have all

been like my older brothers.

And I would just like

the see you all grow up.

All of you.

Just a little.

I mean, look, you know?

I think that some of

this stuff is harsh,

but I think it should be harsh.

I... I think that

this is a good idea.

I think that we should do it.

Adam, this is insane.

This is really crazy.

If you're trying to act like

you're just whispering to me,

they can here you anyways.

So just talk louder.

This is madness!

- Lower your voice.

- Is this a good level?

- F*** split the difference.

- Is this a good level?

That's good.

Look, Adam.

Please.

I'll change.

I'll change.

I'll do whatever you want.

I'll do all the f***ing

things you like,

and I won't stop

until you say no.

Just don't leave me!

Don't leave me in the

f***ing dust, man!

Just please don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Don't.

Sh*t.

You know, maybe we

should try the breakup.

You really think I

should go three wide?

That's not desperate?

I mean, it depends

on who's on your team.

But yeah.

You know, I mean, it's a

passing league now, right?

So if your fantasy football

team is running a flex position,

then you got to add

a third receiver.

Yeah, you know why

it's a passing league?

Because nobody wants

to get hit anymore.

Right?

Heh?

Huh?

Like lacrosse... minimal

padding, sweat, dirt,

hardcore athleticism.

None of that p*ssy football

princess crap, right?

Right.

Real men get concussions, man.

Lacrosse.

Wow, that should be our motto.

Yeah.

Real men get concussions, man.

F***ing lacrosse.

Hell yeah.

- Wow.

You can't say "f***."

- No?

Sponsored stuff, you can't...

OK.

Right, well, all right.

Right.

That's why you're in PR.

And I'm the boss.

- Right.

- Right?

- Right.

OK.

Good talk, man.

Good talk.

Real men... real men

get concussions, man.

Right, or something like that.

But yeah.

Real men get concussions, yo.

Lacrosse, damn!

That's a little urban, but...

Damn!

- Something like that, yeah.

- Just do it.

OK.

Damn!

That is.

Holy sh*t, dude.

Did you go shopping?

You are f***ing

good-looking, my man.

Guess I never really appreciated

that when we were together.

Hey, what was going on

with you and RICHTMAN?

Are you in trouble, dude?

No, he just sat down

and started talking

to me like a real person.

First time ever.

Yeah, I bet it's

because you hot as sh*t.

Did he ask about my report?

I was rushed.

I also technically

didn't do any research.

Uh, yeah, didn't come up.

Oh.

OK.

Well, what did he ask about?

It's not healthy, dude.

Shouldn't say.

Oh, just tell me, man.

Fine.

We were talking about

fantasy football.

Oh.

You were?

Wow.

Uh, OK.

How was it?

Was it good?

How's his team?

Is he better than me?

Wasn't better than you.

Just different.

You now what?

Fine!

Be with RICHTMAN!

I never liked talking fantasy

with you, anyway, Adam.

I faked it!

Faked it every single time!

Sorry.

It's all right.

It's OK.

Hey, Adam.

I'm just going around...

Hey.

Hey.

Um, I'm just going

around getting people

for kickball on the weekends.

Should I just mark you down

as definitely too hungover

to attend as usual?

Well, you don't really mark

it down like that, do you?

Oh, yeah.

No, I do, absolutely.

Uh, all right.

Well, not today, because

I'm trying new things.

So I'll be there.

All right.

That's, um... that's a good

look you got going on today.

You look nice.

Thanks.

Hey, Jamie.

Uh, listen I, uh...

I changed my mind.

You can tell your lonely

actress friend that,

uh, I'd love to take her out.

Oh, my god, that's so exciting.

We could double date.

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