Foreign Exchange Page #4

Oh, you spill on yourself,

but...

Hey, why don't we go

take a walk?

Oh, okay.

Okay?

I'm just gonna get

my purse.

Of course.

We're back

from our recon mission.

Well done, guys.

Stoner giggle.

[mock giggles]

[giggles]

[man screaming]

[wild laughter]

Jess, do you have

my purse?

No, sorry,

I don't.

Dave, you have my purse.

Oh, yeah.

You're such a lifesaver.

So you and Laurent

seem to be hitting it off

pretty well.

Yeah, he's so cool.

I'm really happy

he's living with you.

Yeah, no,

he's super awesome.

Yeah, he's cool;

his accent's cute.

I don't think he knows

what he's saying half the time.

We're going

on a walk actually.

Okay.

Laurent?

Well, he really seems

to be enjoying America.

Yeah.

Would you like me

to walk you home?

Yeah?

- Yeah.

All right.

I love France!

I love it!

I love France!

Have you seen

the naked guy?

My grandma lives

next door.

Yeah, I saw that bastard

banging her.

[laughing]

Hey, who's ready

for the Shantz sandwich, huh?

[shouting]

And I'll be

the Jay-onaise.

(Shantz)

Yeah, Jay, come on.

[shouting]

Up top, baby!

Up top!

Yes!

(Robin) This year is just flying by,

you know?

I know.

You're right.

Now we got the dance

coming up here soon,

and then, what,

graduation right after that.

Look, I know it's coming up

really soon and everything,

but who are you going

to the dance with?

Nobody.

Cool.

Hey, look.

Remember that?

We spent hours

on that dumb thing.

It wasn't dumb, Dave.

It was fun.

That's where we met.

Yup.

All right, come on.

For old time's sake.

I don't know.

You know,

it's no Eiffel Tower.

Don't be a dick.

I know.

What was I thinking?

Well, he's French.

You know, he's cute,

plays soccer.

You sound like

a perfect match.

[laughing]

Shut up.

(Hashbrown) If we want to be moving

monetarily towards a surplus,

it's not a question of morals.

It's a question

of what's fiscal favorable.

The U.S. Government can't afford

to not tax marijuana.

(man)

Salty...

or sweet.

I got it.

Both.

Chocolate-covered jerky.

What is jerky?

That's beef, man.

Don't waste it.

I mean, there's still

good jerky on there, man.

So have you put

any more thought

into going to "O" State

with us?

It's gonna be

a lot of fun.

I know.

Colorado, the skiing

and the hiking.

And they have a really good

veterinary school there too.

Yeah, yeah,

I guess.

I'll miss you.

I mean, you know,

we'll all miss you,

like, as friends

and stuff.

Of course.

- Yeah.

I'll miss you guys too.

Yeah, definitely.

Here we are.

Yeah, here we are.

So...

Good night?

Well, good night.

Yeah.

Yeah, good night.

Okay.

Tell your mom

I say hello.

Yeah.

Why am I so f***ing bad at this?

God.

So, Jay--

(Jay)

I told you you'd come.

Jay.

See you later.

See you later.

Don't judge me.

Yo, why does this happen

every time we party?

Oh, I'm sorry, bro.

I thought you were

my girlfriend.

You don't even have

a girlfriend.

You know

what I mean.

No, I don't know

what you mean.

Relax, Jackson.

It's just a little morning wood.

(man) # it's like I don't know

who you are #

# everyone changes

now you've gone a bit too far #

# it just goes on and on,

and I just can't hold on #

# this sounds like

my new favorite song #

# but it's blowing up my radio #

# when I try to tune you out

but there's no doubt #

# you're gonna be stuck

inside my head #

# all over again #

# #

# I'm sick

of everything I hear #

# wish I could close my eyes

and you just disappear #

(woman over P.A.) Remember, spring

fling is in two weeks.

So find your dates now.

Robin, I haven't seen you

for a while.

You see me every day,

Laurent.

Yeah, every day.

Oh, well, I haven't

talked to you for a while.

How have you been?

I'm fine.

Yeah, she's fine.

Okay, so I've been thinking

about this a lot lately,

and I thought perhaps

we should get together?

Why?

Yeah, why?

I don't know.

Maybe pick up

where we left off?

Ew.

Okay, look, Laurent,

I thought you were a cool guy.

And now I know

you're not cool.

You're insecure.

And I found out

what attache vous really means.

[laughs]

Thank you for the offer.

Yeah, thanks

for the offer.

Bye-bye.

Dave, you look great today.

Yeah, Dave,

really hot.

And not French at all.

Thanks, girls.

This is great.

Seriously, you smell

really, really good.

Let's get out of here.

(Shantz) I say,

"ah, skeet, skeet, skeet!"

What is skeet?

Oh, it's--

Shantz!

I hear you're doing well

in your classes lately.

Yeah, of course.

Been using the old noggin.

Well, keep up

the good work.

Will do.

Mm.

That's a scary woman.

I bet she's crazy

in bed though.

Hoo.

If she were

a few years younger,

I would take it upon myself

to tame that wild beast.

You see, Jay,

that is your problem.

You look at a woman

as if she is a challenge

to conquer,

like climbing a mountain

or winning a stupid game.

It is too bad

that such good looks and charm

are wasted on such a pig.

Damn, that is

one fiery Mexican.

She's Brazilian, bro.

Whatever.

Wait, wait,

hold on.

That was just a game, okay?

I was--

I was kidding.

It's like I can't

control myself, you know?

I'd like to,

but I just can't.

No, you can.

You just don't.

(Laurent)

Hey, Dave--

Oh, Dave, Dave, Dave,

why haven't you

screwed Robin yet, eh?

She was all over you yesterday.

I don't know, Laurent.

I just--

we have

this great friendship.

[laughs]

That's your problem, Dave.

A girl doesn't want

to screw a friend.

If you want to score,

you got to know the game, man.

What do you mean,

"the game"?

[sighs]

Robin wants a guy who is smooth.

She wants a man

who knows what he wants

and who knows

how to be strong, eh?

She doesn't want a friend

who she can talk to.

Look at this sentimental sh*t.

Where you get

all this crap?

Why don't you just lay off,

all right?

Just tell me

what I should do.

Okay.

Well, you have testicle hairy,

eh?

Are you hitting on me?

[laughs]

You wish, Dave.

Look, if you're asking me

if I'm a man, Laurent,

Poster child.

I mean, you Americans

are so gross and hairy

like a bush baby.

A girl likes a man

who's smooth.

You could start

by shaving your balls.

What?

Dave, trust me.

Do the girls not like me?

Damn it.

Okay, Laurent, what--

how do I--

First you will take a scissors,

cut off all the hair.

Then you take razor,

shave it bald,

spritz cologne.

[claps]

You are a man.

All Frenchmen know this, Dave.

I don't care

if all Frenchmen know it,

but isn't that

gonna itch like hell?

What do you think

Gold Bond Powder is for?

[with heavy accent]

Gold Bond Powder.

What?

Gold Bond Powder.

Oh.

[together]

Gold Bond Powder.

(Laurent)

Oui.

What do you think it's for,

Gold Bond Powder?

[funky music]

# #

[razor buzzing]

Agh!

[razor scraping]

Ow! F***.

Oh!

Holy sh*t!

(Shantz) If you were smarter than me,

you wouldn't do what I say.

You know what I'm saying?

I don't know

what you're saying.

Hey, Shantz.

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