Forgetting Sarah Marshall Page #6

His head on my mantleis how I will let this one know

How much I love you

Die

Die

Die

I can't

Awesome!

Thank you.

Thank you.

So, I had a really, really great time tonight.

- Yeah?- Yeah. I mean, it got a little wild.

- "A little"? You can say that.- Yeah.

But it was really fun,and you're so cool, and it was...

Thank you for taking me out.

No, I had a great time. Thank you.

- You did?- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I just... I don't...I just don't wanna complicate things.

- No, of course!- Yeah?

No, no, no. Totally. I totally get that.

- I had a great time.- A handshake?

- Well, I don't know. Okay.- All right, all right.

- All right. Get home safe.- You, too.

- Thanks again.- Bye.

I'm on a hammock with me lady

Watching the sea roll by

Things have been great now

'Cause we're in Hawaii

Hey, guys.

Hey, man. I'm Koonu.

Yeah. No, I remember. I'm Peter.We took a surf lesson together.

Yeah, you're that guythat works with Kaiser Permanente.

No, I'm Peter.We had a nice talk out on the water.

That's cool.

Okay, can I just say something?

- I went on a date tonight with Rachel, right?- That wasn't a date.

She's in customer service, dude.

She took you out for charity.

It was a date, okay? Trust me.I know a date, and that was a date.

I bet you think strippers like you, too.

- That's really not necessary.- It's true.

Don't waste your time, man.Believe me, it is a nowhere road. I know.

Did you see her ex-boyfriend?He is ridiculous.

Who, Greg? I love Greg, man.

I saw him beat up a guy with a starfish.

- Okay, that's just ridiculous.- That guy was me.

Dude, my homie over here,on his honeymoon?

Getting as much sexas he possibly can ever have.

Are you giving to herhard and rough, dude?

Come on.

The wife wants me to do certain thingsthat I find inappropriate.

Let me just saythat if God was a city planner,

he would not put a playgroundnext to a sewage system.

We're trying to f***,but we're not having fun f***ing.

We're just, like...I'm stabbing her private parts,

and it's not fun, and it causes anxiety.F***ing is...

And then when you're not f***ing...

- Hey, someone's gotta stop him.- You're the butt of a joke.

F***ing this ring is...

F***!

It's gonna be all right.

Hi.

Hi, do you wanna come back to bed?

Sure.

Have fun.

I like her hair.I wonder if the carpet matches her pubes.

Julian, what's up?

Oh.

God.

The show's been cancelled.

That's good, 'cause that's what you wanted.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

It's just... I guessI thought we had another year left.

It seems like we did, and... This'll be good,

'cause it's been a long-awaited transitioninto film for me.

Don't get me wrong, but it's just...It's a surprise.

Come on tour with me.

I'll serenade you every nightin front of thousands of women.

I didn't know you were going on tour.

Yeah, I'm going in two weeks.

It's like an 18-month tour,43 countries, Infant Sorrow,

and it's gonna be a massive tour.

Yeah. I can't come 'cause I have a job.I'm a working actress.

Not any more.

You're an unemployed actress, perfect.

You could be the queen of the groupies,queen of the Sorrow Suckers.

The Sorrow Suckers.

Sorrow Suckers.I don't know why they call them that.

Mr and Mrs Snow, sorry.Sorry to bother you.

The hotel wanted to offer yousome complimentary coconut cake.

It's from the hotel.It's definitely not from me personally, so...

- Yeah, thanks.- Okay, great.

When were you planning on telling me this?

- I just told you, then.- Yeah. No, I know.

But telling me nowisn't really the same as telling me.

Well, look, you know,I've not told you I've got genital herpes,

because it's not inflamed at the moment.

Do you guys want some champagnewith your cake,

or do you want it without your cake?

I don't drink.

All right, so I came hereto give you my demo. I just...

I worship you,and I just wanted to give you my demo.

Just take a listen and...

Okay.

'Cause you know what?You don't wanna be the guy sitting there,

watching BBC, and saying,

"Oh, I saw that guy! He was my waiter,

"and I totally dismissed himlike everyone else does in his life.

"And I totally was wrong,

"because he's a major, major,major influence on me now,

"and I feel terrible!"

That stupid English voice, was that me?

Unfortunately, yes.

You're really gonna like it.

I'll listen to it when you've gone.

Hey, look, just don't tell anyone at the hotel.

- What's up, dude?- What's up?

Peter, I got some really interesting newsthis morning.

Aldous gave you gonorrhoea?

No. Why would I tell you that?

Crime Scene was cancelled.

Whoa.

Wow.

- You all right?- Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I've been waitingto take the next step,

you know, into features for a long time,so it's a really good thing.

This isn't The View. I mean, we can havean honest talk about this if we want.

I don't wanna step out of the spotlightand then be forgotten.

I don't wanna disappear. I'm freaked out.

I wanna be honest.I'm really freaked out right now, okay?

Because, seemingly, the only actressesthat actually can survive

are the ones that show their cooter,and, excuse me, but I refuse to do that.

I have a little dignity.

And I don't have the frameto support plastic surgery. I would tip over.

And I'm not gonna do that.I'm not gonna exploit myself.

Listen, you're gonna be fine.You have a long career ahead of you.

You've got, like, four years until you're 30.

It's gonna be fine.

- How are you?- I'm screwed.

Frankly, I don't stand a chance.No, I'll be fine.

I've been quietly stealing moneyfrom you for a long time.

You're always good at cheering me up,Pete, thank you.

Die

Die

Die

I can't

It's really good, Peter.I just don't understand it. I don't.

I mean, just chalk it up to that.Please don't play it again, 'cause I don't...

Just listen to it one more time and see...

Where's Aldous?

- Mr Snow, may I ask you a question?- Okay.

I want to please my wife here,on our honeymoon,

but I don't know what I'm doing.

You having difficulty sex-wise?

- Do you not know how to use this?- I know how.

- Have you had sex before?- We can't.

- Why?- Our religion.

Right, 'cause of God and everything?

Hey, that's not gonna be a problem,

because God should be presentin the bedroom.

Just tell me specifically what I need to do.

You need to penetrate deeplyand stimulate the clitoris simultaneously.

That's what you gotta do.That's what it's about.

If you can involve the anus in that,then that's absolute perfection.

Got it.

Explore her ears.

Find it in you to be a little more circly.

You are a man.

God's within you.

I actually feel okay about it.

You know, I'm a little scared,but I'll be all right. I'll get another job.

That's interesting, man.You know what else is interesting?

- What?- Me on the moon.

I just wanna talk to you about something.Can you stop?

- All right, I'm just gonna talk, and then...- Air!

There was this interesting momentwith Sarah.

Whoa, what? I don't wanna hear aboutyour interesting moment with Sarah, Pete.

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