Forgetting Sarah Marshall Page #7

Then who am I supposed to talk toabout this?

Well, not me, because have I ever hadan interesting moment with an ex-girlfriend?

- Do you have an ex-girlfriend? No!- No.

LIZ:
No.

I would really love to getthe woman's perspective on the matter.

- Really?- No.

But come on in and just sit down.

- Stay. You have to...- Honey, no, no, the camera's right there.

No, I know,but I just wanna tell him, though.

- No, the camera...- Think about how much she's hurt you.

- Hey, Liz?- Yeah?

I think you need to move just a tiny bitfurther away from the microphone.

- Just...- No, closer.

- Now a little further.- Okay.

- Closer.- And then...

- And then a little further, and then closer.- I don't know.

- Keep your head down, though.- I'm bad at this thing.

- Can you hear me?- Yeah, closer. Further away.

I know what you're doing.That's not funny at all.

- You stop that.- What?

- What's he doing?- Come on. Yeah, yeah, real funny.

Hey, that's a great necklace, Liz.

- Did you have that a second ago?- Thank you!

That's gross!

- LIZ:
I don't get it.- Stop it.

- He's saying if I were to sperm on you...- What?

... it would be a pearl necklace.- Why?

- Real funny.- Sorry.

Hey, Dracula!

"And when I see Van Helsing,I swear to the Lord, I'll slay him. "

That sh*t is funny, dude!

Hey, Pete.

So I was gonna go overto Lazy Joe's later tonight,

and I wanted to seeif you wanted to come and join.

I think I'm confused,because I thought last night...

Oh, my God. Dude, get out of your head.It's really nice out here.

Yeah, I bet it is.

All right, yeah. You know what?

I could totally use a friendly hangout, so...

All right.

I don't know if you want,instead of Lazy Joe's,

I was thinking of goingto Laie Point right now.

- Really?- Yeah.

I heard that place was a pain in the ass.

Okay.

- Hey!Yo, what's up, guys?

We're just going for a hike.

No, you're not, you're going snorkelling.

I think we're gonna go on a hike.

It is sea turtle f***ing season, dude.Let's go.

They f*** for three hours, dude.I mean, that's magical.

- No, we're going on a hike.- I think we'll go on a hike, yeah.

What? Your loss.

Why won't anybodygo snorkelling with me?

How you doing back there?

Awesome.

I don't think I've ever beenthis covered in sweat before.

It's like I have some sort of fever.

I told you this was a pain in the ass.Could've been at Lazy Joe's.

- Oh, yeah.- Uh-huh.

Oh, sh*t.

- You good?- No.

Wow, we're really goingup to the edge of this, huh?

Look!

Wow, this is really beautiful.

All right, so now that your show's done,are you gonna finish the Dracula musical?

It's not that easy, you know.

Sarah always thought it was crazy, and...

Well, you're definitely crazy.But so is everyone, right? So who cares?

- I just don't feel like doing anything.- Why?

'Cause my heart is broken,

and I can't imaginedoing anything right now.

It's probably the same reasonyou don't go back to school, you know?

Maybe it's good we got hurt like that,you know?

I don't know about you,but it makes me feel impervious to pain.

Yeah. Kind of likethere's nothing left to be afraid of.

- Yeah. No, exactly.- Right.

We could leap off this rock,and it won't hurt us as bad as they did.

So jump, then.

No, I meant that,like, as a metaphor, you know?

No. Just do it.

You'll be fine. Jump.

What the hell?

Oh, God! Oh, God. I made her kill herself!

You must be crazy!

- So are you gonna jump or what?- No!

Come on, Peter!I can see your vagina from here!

I can see your hoo-ha.

I mean, I'll jump!

Chicken! Come on!

Please, God, don't let me die today.

- I'm okay!- Okay!

- I'll just let go, right?- No, no, no!

If you fall straight down,you'd probably hit a rock and kill yourself!

- Totally.- Yeah.

So what do I do?

Why don't you press your feetup against the rock,

and, like, shoot yourself off!

- What, like a frog?- I don't know, Peter!

Just get off the f***ing rock!

- Here I go!- Okay!

One!

Two!

Two!

- Two and a half!- Jump!

Three!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- You saw that, right?- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it!

I was there. I witnessed it.

Thanks.

Come on.

You've got Christ between your thighs,

but with a shorter beard.

- Mahalo.- Aloha.

- Sex!- I'm cramping, I'm cramping.

- Okay.- Okay, okay.

Petey? Petey?

Sorry. I knocked a bunch.

You were really out.Ken sent me.

Dakota Fanning and her people,they need this room.

She loves it here.

Oh.

So does that mean I have to leave the hotel?

Ken found you a room.

I'll take it, yeah.I wanna hang out with Rachel a little more.

Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?

Maybe you should just give me a minute.

It was the only room available!

I'm sure it was!

- Hey, how's it going?- It's all right.

Really?

I think you got some pain behindthose eyes. A kind of pain that only...

Okay, you know what?Let's cut the bullshit.

I wanna stand up on a wave before I leave.

I don't think you're ready yet, man.

- I'm ready to ride giants, Koonu.- I think you're ready.

Petey!

- Hi.- Hi.

Miss Marshall, what can I do for you?

Is there a placeto get good sushi around here?

Yeah. Yeah, there's a really great placeabout five minutes from here called Asuki.

Perfect.

- Do you want me to get you a map?- Please.

Okay.

So, this is where we are.

Head down Kamehameha,and then pass Funaho Loko Marsh.

And it should be right to the left.

It might take, like, five minutes.

- Great. Thank you.- Any time.

Um...

- I saw you with Peter Bretter...- Yeah.

...who's my ex-boyfriend.

Oh, my God. I'm really sorry.

- No.- It's not like that at all.

- It's not what you're...- No, it's fine.

I'm just really gladyou're keeping him company, 'cause...

- Gosh, no.... you seem like a really nice person,

- and you're very pretty.- Thank you.

Gosh, you're, like, way prettier.

No, you're, like, so pretty.

Really?

- Yeah.- Wow, thank you. Thank you.

And one more thing about Peter.

He's a really good guy. Really good.Like, great, actually.

Yeah.

Um...

Please don't cry, Miss Marshall.

God. Do you need me to get you a tissue?

Oh, no, I'm good, I'm good.I'm okay, I'm okay.

Okay.

- Thank you, Rachel.- Any time, Miss Marshall.

Hey, ahoy, there!

You surf, too?

Good Lord, no.I'm just drifting around, you know?

Getting in touch with the ocean and stuff.It's really pleasant.

It was, yeah.

I'm gonna head in.

Before you go, actually, Peter,I just wanted to tell you,

I was listening to Sarah's iPodthe other day,

and amidst the interminable drossthat's on that thing,

I found one track that I quite liked.

So I checked what it was,and it was actually one of yours.

And it kind of reminded me of a dark,gothic Neil Diamond. It's great.

That's, like, exactly what I'm going for.

Right, yeah.

F***.

F***, you're cool.

It's so hard to say,because, like, I hate you in so many ways,

but whatever.I can see why Sarah likes you.

No accounting for taste, I suppose.In her case, anyway.

She was with me for five years,so there you go.

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