Four Weddings and a Funeral Page #5

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Hi.

I was just telling him about

you marrying Hamish...

...and he said it couldn't have

happened to a nicer fellow.

- Where are you doing it?

- Scotland.

He says that's a beautiful place.

Hilly.

You should come to the wedding too.

I want many friends there to make

up for the stiffs that Hamish knows.

Well, you better go in.

Bye.

- Bye.

- Bye.

F*** it.

Look.

Sorry, sorry.

I just, well...

This is a really stupid question...

...particularly in view of our recent

shopping excursion.

But, I just wondered

if by any chance...

Obviously not, because I'm a git

who's only slept with nine people.

But I just wondered...

I really feel...

In short, to recap in a slightly

clearer version...

...in the words of David Cassidy,

in fact...

...while he was with

The Partridge Family...

...I think I love you.

I just wondered whether by any chance

you wouldn't like to...

No, no, no. Of course not.

I'm an idiot, he's not.

Excellent. Excellent. Fantastic.

Lovely to see you. Sorry to

disturb. Better get on.

F***!

That was very romantic.

Well, I thought it over a lot.

I wanted to get it just right.

Important to have said it, I think.

Said what, exactly?

Said...

...you know, what I just said about...

...David Cassidy.

You're lovely.

It was ordained for lifelong faithful

relationship of conjugal love.

It was ordained for the welfare

of human society...

... which can be strong and happy...

... only when the marriage bond

is held in honor.

Into this holy estate...

...these two persons now desire

to enter.

Wherefore if anyone can show

any just cause...

...why they may not lawfully be

joined together in marriage...

...let him now declare it.

Sorry.

Please rise.

Do you, Hamish...

...take this woman, Caroline,

to be your wedded wife?

And do you, in the presence of God

and before this congregation...

...promise and covenant to be to her,

a loving and faithful husband...

...until God shall

separate you by death?

I do.

Do you, Caroline...

...take this man, Hamish,

to be your wedded husband?

And do you, in the presence of God

and before this congregation...

...promise and covenant to be to him

a loving and faithful wife...

...until God shall separate you

by death?

I do.

F***-a-doodle-doo.

- Awfully nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.

How do you do?

Hello.

You look beautiful.

- Not a meringue in sight.

- Thanks.

Blimey.

It's Brigadoon.

It's bloody Brigadoon!

Dear old things, as you know...

...I've always been proud there isn't

a wedding ring between the lot of us.

Over the passing of years, it's

suddenly beginning to distress me.

I'd like to go to the wedding of

someone I really loved, for a change.

Don't blame me. I've asked

practically everyone I know.

You haven't ask me.

- Haven't I?

- No.

Oh, Scarlett.

Would you like to?

No, thank you. It was very nice

of you to ask.

Well, anytime.

Quite right, Tom. That's the spirit.

Tonight, these are your orders:

Go forth and conjugate.

Find husbands and wives.

Excellent plan.

What do you think, Fifi?

Spot a potential hubby

in the throng?

- Bugger off, Tom.

- Quite right.

A toast before we go

into battle.

To true love.

In whatever shape

or form it may come.

May we all in our dotage

be proud to say:

"I was adored once too."

- True love.

- True love!

Apparently, an enormous number

of people...

...actually bump into their future

spouses at weddings.

Which is interesting.

Yes, I met my husband

at a wedding.

Good lord, I seem to have finished

my drink. If you'll excuse me.

Hello. My name's Scarlett.

Named after Scarlett O'Hara,

but much less trouble.

What's your name?

My name's Rhett.

No.

Not really!

No, not really.

In fact, it's Chester.

You kidder.

I always imagine Americans are going

to be dull as sh*t.

I mean, of course

you're not, are you?

Steve Martin's American, isn't he?

Yes, he is.

You're lovely.

Come on!

Hello, Charles.

Oh, Hen. Hi.

I'm sorry. I couldn't

really bear a scene today.

I know we probably

got tons to talk about.

Did I behave that atrociously

last time?

- Remember the shower scene in Psycho?

- Yeah.

Scarier.

Oh, God, I'm depressed, Hen.

How are you?

I'm cheerful, actually.

I weigh almost nothing.

And I've got a divine new boyfriend.

- Perhaps we should've married.

- Good God, no.

I'd have had to marry your friends.

I'm not quite sure I could take Fiona.

Fiona loves you.

Fiona calls me duckface.

Well, I never heard that.

Look, darling, come to lunch soon.

Give me a ring, okay? Oh, still cute!

How's duckface?

Good form, actually. Not too mad.

Ladies and gentlemen:

The bride and groom.

You like this girl, don't you?

Yes.

Yes, it's a...

It was a strange thing

when at last it happens.

And...

...she's marrying someone else.

How about you, Fifi?

You identified a future partner

for life yet?

No need, really.

The deed is done.

I've been in love with

the same bloke for ages.

Have you?

Who's that?

You, Charlie.

It's always been you.

Since first we met...

...oh so many years ago.

I knew the first moment.

Across a crowded room.

Or lawn, in fact.

Doesn't matter.

There's nothing either of us can do.

Such is life.

Friends isn't...

...bad, you know? Friends is

quite something.

Oh, Fi.

It's not all easy, is it?

No.

Just forget this business.

Not to be.

Matthew, darling.

Where's Gareth?

Torturing Americans.

How thoughtful of him.

Do you actually know Oscar Wilde?

Not personally, no.

But I do know someone who could get

his fax number for you.

Shall we dance?

Well, any rings on fingers?

Oh, Gareth, you don't know

how lucky you are.

Finding someone to marry is

a very tricky business.

It's hell out there. Matthew's

trapped with a Minnesotan evangelist.

Come down, sweet Jesus,

and cast out the devil!

My lords, ladies, and gentlemen...

...please charge your glasses.

First, and rather unusually,

we have the bride.

Excellent. I love this girl.

Thank you.

I'd like to thank all of you

who flew in from the States.

I'm really touched.

For you others, I'd have thought lots

of frightful Americans flying in...

...was an excuse for staying away,

so I thank you too.

If my darling dad

had been here today...

...he would have been speaking now.

I know he would have said:

"Great dress, babe...

...but why in the hell are you

marrying the stiff in the skirt?"

And I would have given him

the same answer that I give you:

"Because I love him."

As John Lennon said, who died

the same year as my dad:

"Love is the answer.

And you know that for sure."

One more thing:

Someone told me here, that if

things with Hamish didn't work out...

...that he'd step in. So thanks,

and I'll keep you posted.

Bravo!

And now, my lords, ladies

and gentlemen:
Sir Hamish Banks.

Anyone involved in politics

for the last 20 years...

...has gotten used to being upstaged

by a woman.

I didn't expect it to happen to

me on my wedding day.

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