Fourth Man Out Page #3

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not getting to know you better,

'cause of something

as shallow as looks.

Right?

You're not shallow are you?

So, how's your friend feeling?

- Kim.

- Yeah.

She said she's never

drinking again.

- Never?

- Yeah.

Wow. So...

Friday, then?

Yeah, probably, Thursday.

Probably Thursday.

Okay.

Um, actually on Thursday

it's karaoke night

at the rail.

Mm.

You should come.

- I should.

- Yeah.

And bring your friend.

Adam, was it?

Yeah, it was.

Are you inviting me on a date?

Yeah, like a...

Like a group...

- A group gathering.

- It's fun.

Yeah, it will be fun.

I would love to go.

I don't think that Adam

and Kim are gonna work.

Why? 'Cause she puked

everywhere?

No.

He's gay.

- He's gay?

- Yeah.

- Are you serious?

- He's gay.

So, the two of you actually

have slept together then?

No, that was a joke.

I didn't even know

that he was gay,

until he woke me up and told me

the next morning.

Were you in bed together?

This is going great.

- Yeah, it's...

- | love this place.

It's cool.

- Oh, I got this.

- No, we can split it.

Oh no, you can make

it up to me later.

Now what do you say

we get out of here

and head back to my place?

You're gonna love my basement.

I got it totally pimped out.

Xbox 360.

Have you ever heard huey

Lewis and the news on vinyl?

You wanna take me

to your basement?

It'd be fun.

Oh, did you want one of these?

It's all right, it's ROPEX.

It's really great

for, you know...

It's made me feel

so uncomfortable,

like having a gay guy around

it's makes all us feel...

Oh my god.

What is wrong with you?

- What do you mean?

- Your friend just came out cf the closet.

Do you have any idea

how hard that is?

Yeah. It's been

very hard.

That's what

I'm trying to tell you.

No. Not for you.

For him, you moron.

Oh my god.

Your best friend just told you

how his life

is gonna change forever.

And all you're concerned about

is how it made

poker night awkward.

Well, and the hockey game.

I'm kidding. Let's-

Let's change the subject.

These mo-jitos

are really good.

I know what you're thinking,

a basement.

Real romantic, right?

Mm-hmm.

I'm telling you,

it's totally discreet.

Not even my wife

is allowed down there.

Sh*t, man, that's...

That's awesome.

I would love to.

But I just...

I have to go water my plants.

Water your plants, huh?

How does that one go?

Uh, you tilt your head

to the side.

- Oh, okay.

- Yeah.

Keep your eyes shut.

And then...

And then what?

So how was your date last night?

Aw, dude.

Long story short,

Tracy thinks

I'm a giant a**hole.

Oh, man. I thought girls

liked giant a**holes.

Not this one, man,

she is different.

Adam, are you good?

Are you happy?

Yeah.

I guess so.

I figured.

You seem happy.

I told you that nothing

was gonna change...

You guys are trying.

Appreciate it.

You know, things could've

been a lot worse with Tracy.

I doubt it.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Was she 45, and married?

Did she want to take you

to her basement

and make you her sex slave?

What?

Dude, what happened to you?

Nothing happened.

At least you have

Jess, I mean...

I just want someone.

What are you talking about, man?

You're a good looking guy,

I'm sure you've broken

a million guys' hearts.

Not really.

I mean, Scott lombardi,

but that was six years ago.

- Scott lombardi?

- Yeah.

No. When you were

helping him fix his Camaro?

Oh yeah...

Yeah... yeah.

Oh, wow.

Yeah, but that was high school.

I mean, think about

how many girls

you guys have been with

since then.

Yeah.

We need to cheer him up, guys.

He's not happy.

I don't think

he's been happy for a while.

Okay, well... I'm still

not gonna let him f*** me.

Nick. Nobody wants

to f*** you.

You're just...

Now you're being a liar.

Guys, can we take

this seriously?

I mean, do you have any idea

what a depressed gay man

is capable of?

Writing a shitty emo song.

Winning a Tony.

Yeah, true.

But loneliness sucks.

I mean, what if Nick was lonely?

If hypothetically, Nick

was a sad, lonely person...

- Yeah. -'Cause he pushes

people away with his anger.

F*** you, man. I'm-i plowed three

and half girls this last month.

- It's more than you plowed in the last...

- Half?

Okay, but Adam

is a real person...

F*** you guys,

I've got feelings.

Well, then prove it.

Instead of turning everything into

a f***ing "your mom" joke.

Okay. What do you want

us to do?

Yeah, there's like...

There's like a...

The grinding kind of noise.

Yeah, it's, uh...

It's the head gasket.

It's definitely the head gasket.

Oh, yeah. That's what

I thought it was.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm f***ing with you.

Just change your oil.

Hey, can I...

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

What's up?

What's power bottom?

Do you really wanna know?

- Yeah.

- No, no. F*** it. I can't.

You're just gonna make

a bunch of ass jokes.

Uh...

So, you read

any good books lately?

Any literature?

Uh, yeah.

I mean I read

an article about Kinsey.

Pretty good.

What's... what's Kinsey?

What's Kinsey?

He's a sex scientist.

Never heard of him?

No.

You want me to send it to you?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that'd be...

Yeah, I wanna... yeah I'd

really love to read that.

What don't you understand?

- You just swipe right if they're hot.

- Okay.

You swipe left

if they're busted.

All right, and then what?

Then you send them a message.

Sample.

And there's always grindr too.

Yeah, but that's only if you

want to try to have butt-sex

like five minutes from now.

The f*** is grindr?

How do you know what grindr is?

How do you know what grindr is?

Okay, I don't-i just don't think

that apps are gonna work.

Well, you have to give it

a chance, man.

Put yourself out there.

Flirt with them,

but play hard to get.

Let them know

that you're into them,

but make sure

you don't text last.

Yeah, no, that's easy

for you guys.

I have to walk up to a guy,

and wonder like,

oh am I gonna

get punched in the face?

And you guys can just walk

up to any girl you want.

Yeah, but then we

have to hang cut with girls.

Just once, I'd like to go out

to a nice dinner and a movie

and not have to hold in

a fart the whole time.

You fart around Michelle

all the time.

Well it took two years of farting in

a tupperware to get to that point.

So gross.

Ortu's right, man.

As a gay man, you have

the ultimate advantage.

You're a f***ing dude.

It's easy to get another guy

'cause you know exactly

what dudes like to do.

Yeah.

Yeah. Right?

Go with your instincts.

What do guys do again?

You got that love

that rises like the sun

raise it up,

raise it up, raise it up

you got a diamond

in the rough

and I can't

get enough

raise it up,

raise it up, raise it up

I wanna make

you go wild

and watch you glow

in the light

you feed that something

inside of me

the devil sent me away

to break you

out of your cage

I'll get you higher

than you'll ever be

yeah

I was under the ground

when you turned

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