Fourth Man Out Page #4

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it around

raise it up,

raise it up, raise it up

and I'm counting on you

to carry me through

raise it up,

raise it up, raise it up

and I am living

my dream

watching you move

till you scream

god only knows

what you do to me

- It's a nice place.

- Yeah, yeah.

It's good.

So, uh, your tinder profile

said that "SCARFACE"

is your favorite movie?

Yeah. Yeah, it's one

of my favorites.

F***ing right on, bro.

I hate these queers

who think that being gay

is an excuse to have no balls.

I'm gay, but I love

"scar face."

- Yeah.

- No.

I f***ing live it.

This was a terrible idea.

I mean, don't you feel it?

Everyone is staring at us.

Uh, I don't see

anybody staring at us.

Just take a picture,

why don't ya?

It's like she's never seen

two guys share a meal together.

It's like, sharing a meal.

- Tony would've hated this place.

- I'm sorry, who?

Tony, my ex-boyfriend.

Oh.

So dark, and so mysterious.

Yet, still real.

I don't even know

why we broke up.

Can't imagine why.

"Say hello

to my little friend."

You like that?

You think you're so tough?

Oh, she's looking

at me over there.

- Yeah.

- She doesn't like that one.

I... no, no, no, no. Sorry.

Nothing against you.

We're just doing "SCARFACE."

First date over here.

You want one

of my French fries, bro?

It's just like a little phase

that I'm going through.

I do a lot of girls too.

- Yeah...

- so...

you look like you would.

Thanks.

He had the most fantastic cock.

Well he did.

It was this big.

I don't really know

what I'm gonna get.

I'm probably just gonna

get a beer.

Yeah, so many choices.

I think me too.

Uh, so your profile says

you're into gardening.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just something

I used to do with my mom.

I should probably know

what these are,

but I have no clue.

I definitely don't.

You know,

I always wanted to try that

but everyone says

it's for old people.

- Yeah, I don't know why everyone says that.

- Yeah, I don't get it.

Yeah I mean, I'm 24, but I

don't have to wait until I retire

to get fresh

vine ripened tomatoes.

You know?

I want them now.

You wanna get nachos?

Uh, yeah.

I'd love some.

Two nacho

platters on a first date.

What were you thinking?

First nice guy I meet,

and I almost make him pass out.

F*** that arrogant prick, man.

He's not nice.

If you can't enjoy the smell

of another man's farts,

then you don't want

to know that man.

It's not that big of a deal.

It's just my parents,

they, uh...

They smelled it too?

Wait, they were there?

No, my parents invited me

over to dinner tonight.

Oh, wow.

Well, that's awesome man.

What's Karen making?

Maybe I'll stop by.

I'm gonna tell them.

- Oh.

- What?

Well, good luck with that.

I'm sure they're

gonna understand.

Maybe you guys could come.

- Uh... this was tonight?

- Yeah.

No, tonight I'm doing a...

Michelle and I have groupon.

I... I would...

Yeah, I would come over,

but, you know, I'd probably...

Just say something stupid

and make it way worse.

Yeah.

What about you, Chris?

My parents love you.

Maybe, you know,

like, make it easier.

- Of course, man.

- Okay.

So Adam, how are things?

Mom, I'm gay.

I'm sorry man, can I

just be your dad again?

No, I need to be ready

for anything.

And don't be afraid

to be mean, I can handle it.

That's why I have

these note cards.

Meaner, okay.

- Yeah.

- Got it.

Mom, I'm gay.

What? That's disgusting.

How could you do this to me

after I brought you

into this world?

Anderson Cooper.

I'm a terrible mother.

Um... Ricky Martin.

I'm a terrible mother.

Neil Patrick Harris.

Neil Patrick Harris.

What? Are your notes just

a list of famous gay dudes?

No, I have lesbians too.

Okay. Forget the list, dude.

Just be honest.

What's the worst

that could happen?

My mom has a heart attack

and my dad freaks out

'cause I'm never gonna

give him grandkids.

Jesus, man.

You're gay.

Not sterile.

And your dad collects

antique clocks,

he'll understand.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry to keep everybody waiting.

For your cooking, Karen,

I would wait all night

if I had to.

- Chris.

- I'll tell you, this salad is incredible.

How is everything?

You still dating Jessica?

Yeah... sometimes.

- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.

What about you, Adam? When am

I gonna see you with a nice girl?

Gee mom, I don't know.

- Lindsay has a boyfriend. Did she tell you?

- No.

- Actually mom, we broke up last week.

- Good.

He's been trying to Snapchat me

nonstop since.

I hate Snapchat.

If he gives you any trouble,

let me know, okay?

Adam and I will take care of it.

Yeah.

Chris, do you think Jessica

has someone for our Adam?

You know what? You may be

on to something there, Karen.

What about Dorothy Cuba'?

Didn't you two have a thing?

Uh, yeah. We went

to junior prom,

like six years ago.

- You two were so cute together.

- You were.

Did I tell you that I ran

into her mother

- at the grocery store the other day?

- Nope.

Yeah, and she told me

that Dorothy is back in town,

and she's single, you know.

Great. So...

So...

Make yourself available.

It feels like forever since

you broke up with Courtney.

It's time to move on.

Get yourself back out there.

Yep. You're right.

And, uh, actually, I...

I have have been.

It's true. He's actually been

going on a lot cf dates lately.

Meeting some interesting people.

Yep.

Anything serious?

Uhh, no.

I don't wanna sound like one

of those crazy old mothers

that does nothing but hound

her son for grandkids.

It would just be nice

to see you with someone.

And what if I never

meet somebody?

You will. You're gonna

meet a great girl.

- Sooner than you think.

- No, I'm not.

Because...

I...

I...

Elton John.

What's rocket man

have to do with anything?

So you're going

on a double date?

Yeah. I think

Adam's excited about it.

Yes.

Aw. Hey, why didn't you

ever set me up

with any of Jess's hot friends?

You banged two and then

never called them again.

Okay, they never called

me either so...

What... what am

I supposed to do?

Oh. One second, boys.

I'll get it.

Hey Martha.

Hello, Chris.

Just dropping this off for Adam.

Could you see that he gets it

before it's too late

in the eyes of god?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Thank you.

Ortu, I hope you're hungry.

Oh f***. Free cake.

Oh.

What the hell is camp leviticus?

I think it's one of those

conversion camps for gay dudes.

If you wanna make

a gay dude straight,

you gotta show a little

more cleavage on that cake.

Actually, according to

an article I was reading,

the apa has no proof that a

change in sexual orientation

is even possible.

Hey man, sorry.

We kinda outed you to her.

Oh, I don't care.

She thinks we're all gay.

Wait a minute.

You have a date tonight,

and you're wearing

those pants with those shoes?

And that loose shirt?

You can't even see your abs.

So I tell the curator,

you see the name on the wall?

This is my gallery.

If I want to submit a 15x8,

I'm gonna submit a 15x8.

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