Frat Pack Page #4

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in here!

Oh, my God.

Why is there a f***ing cat

in the car?

It's Princess. It's been

in here the whole time.

Right, well,

we gotta turn around.

- No.

- Yeah.

We're not turning around.

Why don't we just give it to

a child or a lonely vagrant?

[Sean] No, no, no.

My dad loves his cats.

We're gonna have to just, you

know, just take him with us.

Yes! Road trip! Oh, road

trip, you little p*ssy.

Can someone else please

take over driving?

- No.

- No, no, no. I'm too stoned, dude.

But you know what?

There's a diner and we can stop

and I'll take over.

- Yup, let's go to a diner.

- I'll take over.

[grunts]

Oh, my God.

There's policemen

over there.

[gasps]

Do you think they can tell we're

under the influence of drugs?

Weed's legal, bro. It's fine.

- Legal?

- Yeah.

Then why the good f*** did

we buy it from that lunatic?

Is that a rhetorical question?

What? No. What? No.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Hey, look. It's the girls.

[Amy] Oh, my God, did they

follow us or something?

I'm gonna get some cereal.

- Yeah! Get some cereal!

- Yeah!

That sounds good actually.

Did somebody order some stud muffins?

[laughs]

- F***ing hell.

- Hey, do you mind, tits, move over?

- [screams]

- Oh, Jesus!

- [Elliot] I'm sorry.

- What the f***?

Thank you. Excuse me.

All right.

- [Elliot] May I sit here? Thank you.

- Yeah, of course.

- [Fridge] She's so clumsy.

- Ew.

You guys reek of weed.

Yeah, my idiot brother nearly got us

killed by a deranged drug dealer.

It was so dope.

Ladies, your food will be

right out.

Thanks, Saul.

Hey, monsieur, could I get

a bowl of cereal, please?

Yes, I will also like

a bowl of cereal, monsieur.

Actually, that sounds really good.

I'll do the same, please, thank you.

Oh, make that six.

And a steak.

How high are you morons?

Quite uncomfortably high.

[lisping]

Six cereal and a steak.

Just give me a shout

if you need anything else.

[mock lisp] Okay, yeah,

can I have six more sodas

with some sesame seeds

and some sweet and sour sauce

on my sausage?

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

- Seriously?

- Yes. Seriously.

Seriously?

Seriously.

- [Joey snickers]

- Joey!

[normal voice]

Did you see what I did?

You see what I did?

No, I missed it.

It must have been really subtle.

- Don't judge all of America on Joey.

- Okay.

Okay, well, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to, uh, go the toilet.

[Amy] Don't you mean the loo?

Oh, yes. I'm going to the loo

to do a number two.

[all] Ew!

Yeah, I'm not. No. I didn't...

I didn't mean that.

I meant... one is all I need.

- I'm really high, so...

- Okay, bye.

[laughs]

He likes you!

Stop. Stop it.

- [Saul] Oops.

- [girls] Oh!

Sorry.

[all laughing]

- It's not funny.

- [Amy] It's what you get!

It's bad service.

[Elliot]

Oh, my God.

[Skylar laughs]

Seriously,

I'm not wearing this anymore.

It really does

suit you though.

I got some less gangster sh*t

if you're not feeling that.

Surprisingly,

I'm not feeling it,

considering it only says "F***

the police" in giant letters.

So, where are you guys

staying tonight?

Oh, we haven't thought

that far ahead.

Maybe we should stay

where you guys are staying.

F*** that!

These b*tches made bank.

I live foot-to-mouth, my dog.

I don't do that.

I'm pretty sure it's

"hand-to-mouth."

And what is that?

And I'm sure us b*tches

got the last room.

Is that a cat in your car?

Yup.

[Skylar] Okay, I think we're

gonna head out.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah.

- Oh.

- Oh.

[Shu laughing]

Oh!

- What the F was that?

- Shut up. Please shut up. Go away. Go away.

Oh, guys, I'm gonna text you

an address for tomorrow,

so meet us there at noon,

all right?

It's a surprise,

like your hug. [laughs]

Shotgun.

- Shotgun.

- Oh, he's learning.

Yo, El, please stop being

a baby dick around Sky.

What is he on about?

[Sean] Well, you do

kind of like her.

Yeah.

You wanna bang her, right?

Well, no, I like her, so...

You just tried to give her some sort

of Special Ed hug back there. Uh-uh.

No. No, it was a hug goodbye.

Just a friendly hug goodbye.

You know what you should

have done?

You should have ignored her

at lunch, hit on her friends,

and then bitched her out

when we were leaving.

Guarantee you,

she would have blown you.

- Great. In the parking lot.

- In the parking lot.

- If she would have done that, I would've...

- Shut up, Fridge.

Seriously, the worse you treat

them, the more they want you.

It's the golden rule.

[Sean] American girls are, like,

attracted to douchebags.

Trust me, bro.

I know what I'm talking about.

I really do.

[all groaning]

[Joey] What are you doing?

No warning, nothing. Just...

Okay. I had that cereal

with the chunky milk

and then more of the creamer.

- You did have...

- [yelps]

What the hell is going on?

Rank!

[Fridge]

It's the creamer, right?

I breathed, and there's...

I smelled his puke.

[Joey] He's awesome.

[all retching and yelling]

- [hip-hop song playing]

- [man rapping]

[song fades]

[Elliot]

My T-shirt is covered in vomit.

[Joey]

Fine, here's another one.

[Elliot] Oh, God.

[Joey exhales]

- [man] No. No, here.

- [bell jingles]

No. No, no,

you're not gonna have that. No.

Sorry. Sorry, just...

Sorry. You know...

Praise the Lord

on this fine day.

Praise him.

Yup... praise him.

Has the Lord exposed himself

to you in all his ways?

Exposed himself?

I would say... not... not... not...

Do you have tea?

Could I get a cup of tea?

By the grace of the Lord,

we have tea of the iced variety.

Okay, not hot tea?

If iced tea was good enough

for Jesus at the Last Supper,

it's good enough for you, buddy.

Amen.

All right.

I'm not sure that's biblically

accurate, you know?

Uh... Orange soda, then, instead.

That would be great.

Big Slurp?

Yes. One of those.

Not quite sure what it means,

- but I'll trust this gentleman.

- [man] No.

Praise the Lord.

Big Slurp it is.

- [man] What? Come on.

- Okay.

Sorry, are we gonna be

sharing this?

No, we're not.

3.99. In God we trust.

- Yeah, I wish you'd hurry up, too.

- Okay, sorry.

Have a nice day.

Go with God.

You're in God's country.

[Elliot] I noticed, thank you.

It's very nice.

We're his favorite.

I found us a motel

50 miles from here.

And it says here...

it's Ladies Night

across the street,

at the adults only bar.

Hey, man, chill, okay?

Dad gotta take a pee.

[boy] Okay.

- [groans]

- [urinating]

- Oh!

- [giggles]

No. No,

you shouldn't be in here.

Boy, what you be doing?

Get out.

Please, respect my privacy.

[boy talking,

indistinct]

[Elliot]

You could not be in here.

- Oh, hell, no!

- Get out.

[boy laughing]

No, no, no! This must look

rather inappropriate.

You nasty motherf***er!

- Wait, I can't find Princess.

- Princess is gonna take a little time-out.

Go! Start the car!

[Joey] What are you doing?

Go! Go, go!

Go! Go!

- Go! Go! Go!

- That's right, you better run!

You better run. I'll find you.

- Come on!

- Big-Slurping motherf***er!

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