Frat Pack Page #6

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- Because...

I'm bringing chicks back and I don't

need you freaks voyeuring in on me.

Where do you expect

to find women?

- I told you there was a hook-up adult place across the street.

- Huh?

How are you gonna get in?

Come on.

[whispers] Tonight is

special on some ladies.

- Ladies?

- Some... sex!

- [Joey] Sex? Yes.

- I definitely heard something about sex.

F***, yeah. Let's get wasted

and have some sex with ladies.

You know what? I'm beat.

I'm just gonna go to bed.

Yeah, you know what? I just wanna lay

down in my bed and think about Fatima.

No.

- It has been quite a long day.

- No. What? What? No.

You'll wingman with me, yes?

Uh-huh?

- Uh...

- Two rooms, my dude.

You two choads can jerk each

other off in your room.

Me and the Brit

are gonna be Eiffel Towering.

[Elliot]

What does that mean?

[PA:
Muzak]

This is slightly disappointing.

It's a little early.

Yeah.

Let's get some drinks.

- All right. Okay.

- Let's get some drinks.

[Joey] Line us up some

brew-ha-has, my man.

No?

We're serving

brain-ticklers tonight.

Hmm. Not... Probably not quite

what we had in mind. Is there...

That's all we're serving.

What's in a brain-tickler?

Brain. Tickler.

Yeah,

I'm gonna take two of them.

- [Elliot] Um...

- [Joey] Yeah, you are.

- Beer or wine or...

- Stop.

Um...

[clicking tongue]

So have you, like, thought about

what you wanna do as a job?

Like, career path or anything?

Is that a rhetorical question?

No. No.

I'm not completely sure

you know what rhetorical means.

Of course I do.

I know what rhetorical means.

It's just your British accent.

Ah...

Cheers.

Wow.

[grunting]

- [whimpering]

- [moans]

I'm gonna take

four more of them.

Ooh, I don't know.

And you can keep them flowing.

- [hip-hop song playing]

- [man rapping]

- I don't know if I need any more of that.

- You look a little weird.

Feeling quite uncomfortable,

actually. Quite strange.

I feel great.

[song continues]

Ooh.

[both singing]

[singing continues]

[singing continues]

- Was that the right song?

- I don't know.

[hip-hop song continues]

[hip-hop song ends]

I don't know if I like my brains

being tickled, you know?

[sighs]

And you know, also, I'm not sold

on this whole, like,

- "be mean to girls and they'll like you" theory.

- No!

Trust me. Be a dick!

Next girl that walks in here,

be a dick.

I don't know, I'd really prefer

to just be nice, you know?

No. No. None of this nice guy,

British bullshit.

It's... It's bullshit.

I just... I like to be

nice and polite here.

See? It's meant to happen.

I... I knew it.

Ladies, hi!

[hip-hop song playing]

- Come join us.

- Okay.

Hi!

- Pleasure to meet you, I'm Elliot.

- Hi. Joey.

- [woman] Hi.

- Good evening.

I mean, that weather...

- Stop it. Stop.

- It's good. It's been good.

- Be a dick.

- [whispers] I don't wanna do it.

Shut the f*** up

and be a dick.

- Be a dick.

- Okay, okay. I'll try, I'll try.

[song stops]

[exclaims] You, uh...

You certainly are,

uh, smelly.

Aren't you?

Oh. Well, you're certainly

turning me on.

- Wh...

- [Joey] Whoa!

Whoa!

- You're a f***ing master at this.

- Oh, yeah.

- [song resumes]

- [sniffs] Oh, you stink.

Oh!

Did you just queef?

Keep them flowing.

You want a drink, you fat

pig-horse with hepatitis?

British.

Stop breathing on me.

You reek.

You're a disturbed, demented,

old wrinkly goat, aren't you?

What's that,

your vagina or something?

Stinks of fish and sh*t...

and stuff.

I look at you and I just see

a soiled diaper in a dress.

Ready to shag,

you dirty troll?

- [glass clatters]

- [body thuds]

[song stops]

[groans]

How you doing?

Hey. Hey there,

Mr. James Bond.

I still need to get paid.

What, a righteous one?

Oh, what are you

hiding under there?

- Nothing.

- Is somebody else awake, finally?

- No!

- Come on, 007.

- No, no!

- This dirty troll still wants to get shagged.

- Go away.

- Fancy a little rough-housing, eh?

No, I don't. No...

[groans]

- A little rough-housing will do you.

- No.

Huh? Huh?

Like it rough, a little rough?

You like... You like...

[Elliot whimpering]

- [kicks]

- Get...

- Oh!

- [body thuds]

[Joey] Dude.

Did you just knock her out?

No, I... It's not a her,

it's a he.

It's a man. It's a man.

- [kissing noise]

- Oh, sh*t!

[screaming]

[shouts, laughs]

- I'm sorry.

- What did you do to Travis?

No. I'm sorry.

[screams]

[Sean] You did not! Oh, my God!

[Fridge] Wow. You're really

into some freaky sh*t, huh?

First you molest a kid

and now you fight a tranny?

I didn't... know she was a he. That

brain-tickler drink f***ed me up.

[Sean] Well, you didn't

have to beat her.

How about you try wrestling with a 200-pound

man-woman trying to grab your penis?

- I have!

- What?

- Did you do anything with her?

- No! Thank God.

Joe?

[Joey] Define "anything."

- [Sean] No!

- [Fridge] What?

Oh! [laughing] Oh!

[Sean] So, what did your lover

think of your new tat?

What?

Oh, whatever. Let's not act like I'm the

only one who got in bed with a tranny.

Anyways, at least my plan to get

El laid paid off. [laughing]

No, I didn't...

But I didn't get laid.

Can we just make that

totally clear?

I didn't do anything

with her, okay?

Point is... my plan is legit.

If you do that at the frat party,

panties are gonna just drop.

- No.

- Yeah.

No.

And look,

I'm really sorry to disappoint,

but I'm not into this whole, like,

"Let's get lots of chicks" thing.

Oh, please don't tell me

what I think you're gonna say.

What?

Please don't tell me you're gay.

I already have one gay brother, and

I just... I don't want another one.

I'm not gay, dude.

[Joey] Yeah,

we're going the wrong way.

[Sean] No, Skylar has

that surprise.

[Joey laughing]

You're disgusting.

[Joey] Oh, you should pull

your dick out.

I have no desire to do that.

What is this place?

Whoo-hoo!

[screaming, laughing]

[yelling]

Whoa! Oh!

[laughs]

I want to go home!

- So...

- Uh, so, this is crazy.

I don't know how you

found a place like this.

No, what do you think

of your new family?

Oh.

Yeah, they're, um...

- They're gr... They're great. They're...

- Yeah. They are.

Just so you know, this is the

happiest I've ever seen them.

It really sucked

when their mom died.

Your mom has really

transformed Michaelson.

Eh... He's a bit odd,

isn't he?

- Oh, he's weird as sh*t.

- Yeah. Yeah, I think.

But in the best way.

To be honest, the fact he's around

makes him better than my dad was.

I just don't want to see my mom

getting hurt again.

Anyway... I shouldn't

talk to you about that.

No, of course. It's your mom.

You should be protective.

I can't wait to meet her,

by the way.

Oh, she can't wait

to meet you, yeah.

- You told her about me.

- No, I didn't.

Um...

No, maybe. I think just in...

- I don't know, maybe in passing.

- Right, yeah.

Just in passing.

Just an accident

or something.

So, I heard Fridge

is riding with the girls.

Do you want to come in our car?

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