Frat Pack Page #8

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Because I wanna be seen

as a frat legend again, okay?

You know, you may not believe this,

but my life kind of sucks right now.

This is all Young Joseph's got.

[slow pop on speakers]

[inhales, exhales]

Excuse me, mister.

I ordered a stud muffin,

and I think you might be it.

I know this great burrito place

around the corner.

What do you say

we blow this popsicle stand?

You had me at "burrito."

[electronic music

on speakers]

[Eric] Hey guys, how goes

the party stuff in here?

Oh, man,

I'm fired up some, baby.

What's up?

Should you maybe be

a bit more subtle?

Nah, no way, man.

You're in my house tonight.

My rules. My rules.

Are you following me

on Instagram?

Seen all the badass things

I've been doing?

- No.

- Did I tell you I drive a BMW now?

Don't care.

You rip that, Brit.

No, thank you.

Rip it good.

...vanity plates that say,

"Schlong."

The "S" is a 5,

but... still dope.

Rip it, Brit. Rip that sh*t!

[spits]

- Rip it!

- F*** it.

God!

Mmm! Yes!

Oh, man, you are a maniac!

No, man, I didn't even know they

had f***ing maniacs in the UK.

- Yes.

- Oh!

Baby!

That is some potent sh*t.

That is good. That is good.

I'm going to have another one.

- Oh, man!

- Round two.

Mm-hmm.

I am a generous god, yes.

[snorting]

Oh! Snagging it all

like a maniac.

Oh, man, I have to go poop.

- It's go time.

- [exhales sharply]

- Poop time!

- [exhales sharply]

Hello. Hello. Hello, you.

[snorting]

Hello. Hello.

Hey. How's it going?

So, I mean, they just, like, you know,

they say just be a dick to her.

I don't want to be a dick.

Because I feel like

I'm a nice guy.

But she's with

that handsome guy.

She's treating me

like a dick, you know?

I'm gonna...

I'm just gonna try to be a dick.

I need to poop.

It's so weird

how this drug does that, right?

You're just, like, sniff,

and you're like...

Hey, there you are.

What's up, Skylar?

Nothing. What's up with you?

Just doing drugs and sh*t.

Gonna hit on some babes.

[sniffs]

- [burps]

- Ew.

All right,

I'm gonna go get a drink.

Okay.

And score me a lighter.

Oh, no.

Have you seen

a toilet round here?

Ooh. Don't mind if I do.

Ooh.

It's nice. Quite calming.

Everyone's so generous

with their narcotics.

You seen the toilet?

Brilliant. Thank you.

Hello. Hello. Toilet?

This way?

Oh, baby! There you are!

Jesus, that's rank!

Come on, man, it's not too late

to come join us.

- [farts]

- Oh, f***.

Mmm! It's happening.

F***, yes!

Excuse me, do you know if there's

another toilet around here?

Shut the f*** up,

you're Australian?

- Uh, British.

- Shut up.

I'm... [stammers]

I'm Mimi.

[laughs, gulps]

- [gurgles]

- Oh, God.

- [burps, laughs]

- [blows]

- Elliot.

- O-M-G, you're so hot.

I'm gonna speak in a British

accent from now on.

- No, no, there's no need.

- [mock English accent] Would you like a spot of tea?

Please, nurky, have some more.

[coughing]

What is in that?

[American accent] So, Sir Elliot,

have you ever done Molly?

- Uh, no.

- Don't lie, liar, liar, trousers on fire.

You just did.

What? No. Why'd you give me Molly?

I don't want that.

Did we just have

a Molly moment?

I don't know what we had.

I don't know what's happening.

You want a light show?

Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

[babbling]

Whoo-whoo! [babbling]

F***.

I think I'm hyperventilating.

Oh, yeah, massage train, yeah!

Oh, there you go,

right... Oh, yeah!

- Suddenly I'm feeling awful.

- Do you have a phone?

Get your phone.

Get your phone out.

I can't feel my new phone.

- I think I lost it.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- My heart...

- Insta-moment, Molly-faces!

In the camera there.

There we go.

[shutter clicking]

Stop. Stop!

- Stop.

- You rolling?

No, I'm hyperventilating.

- I don't know what's happening.

- Let's shag.

- No.

- Come on.

- No, please. Please.

- Come on. You know.

- I need a doctor.

- I'm a doctor.

- You pissed my bed.

- No, I didn't!

- Yes, you did.

- What the...

Yes.

You lost my

f***ing skateboard, too.

[Elliot]

I don't even know who you are.

- You mother...

- What?

He's mine.

- You!

- I just needed the toilet.

- [Mimi] Just pee your pants.

- [man] I got your dick in my face!

- Okay, enough fun.

- You gotta go to school.

You try to get on the bus.

The sex bus!

Yes, you go to school.

You go to my school.

Give me your arm, b*tch.

How are you so strong?

I take kickboxing.

It's my hobby.

You know, that, and knitting.

Knitting blankets

to have sex on!

- Oh, you shut up, you baby.

- [yelping]

Shut up! Shut up!

Oh, here, look at the butterfly.

Yeah, look at the butterfly.

Now, look at the butterfly.

Now, look at the butterfly.

Now, look at the butterfly.

Now, look at the butterfly.

- Now, look at the butterfly.

- Okay.

Look at the butterfly.

Ooh, look at the butterfly.

Ooh!

- I think I'm having a panic attack.

- Oh, good, that'll help.

[dance music, muffled]

I'm gonna turn you

into a man tonight.

[groans]

Prepare to enter my forest.

I love you.

Look at the butterfly.

Look at the butterfly.

[vocalizing]

- Oh, yeah, boy!

- [yelps]

- Oh, my God, who is that?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!

- [Elliot] Whoa.

- Well, what do we have here?

Here, buddy, hey.

My name's Jeffrey, with a J.

Nice to meet you, I'm Elliot.

Please untie me.

Can you help? Help.

Help.

Let's turn this into

a little threeway.

- No. No, no, no.

- Oh, yeah.

- Yes!

- No way!

You're only young once, right?

- I'm not even that young.

- Okay, look.

- Untie me, please.

- Look at this mouth.

- Look at... what? No.

- [Mimi] Oh, yeah.

- No.

- [Jeffrey] Like a vagina.

- No, it's not.

- [Mimi] Oh, yeah.

[muffled]

Oh, your accent's

so f***ing hot.

- Oh, keep talking how you do, baby.

- I don't...

- Help!

- You know,

my grandparents

are from Barcelona.

Barcelona, England?

[mock English accent]

Too right.

- That's not in England.

- Shut the f*** up.

Oh!

You little minx.

[dance music playing

on speakers]

[Joey]

Come on, look. Here she is.

Look, take her upstairs to a private

room and put on some music...

Dude, I can't believe you got her out

of the car. You're sick in the head.

I'm gonna go find Elliot.

- Come on, Sky. Help me out.

- No.

- Oh.

- [slurping]

W... We're just dancing,

that's all.

Hey, feel free to join us.

I can easily dance

the tongue-go with two.

Please don't tell anyone, Sky.

My self-esteem's

been kind of low recently.

Skeazy Steve.

- [door closes]

- Get back to work.

- [imitates motor] Hi.

- [grunts]

- [Elliot screaming]

- [blowing raspberries]

[screaming continues]

Help!

Help!

[screams]

What the f*** is going on?

No! No!

I feel like

I'm being waterboarded.

Stop!

Okay. Okay. Okay.

- [Elliot] Oh! No!

- [man] Oh, here we go.

What the...

Oh, isn't his accent so cute?

I just wanted to see

if you were okay.

I did not want this to happen.

[Mimi]

Ew, you're already taken?

No, wait! Skylar, wait!

- Please!

- Get out!

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