Frat Star Page #4

---

- You know that thing

you did with Nicolette.

Good sh*t, right?

Well, it has

a short half-life

and you're letting it

f***ing decay.

Girls forget, and they move on.

You gotta get 'em

while you're hot.

Billy, I told you,

it felt hollow.

- Okay?

- -Oh.

It's not the time for love.

The more girls that you slay,

the more those bros will play.

And then the more options

that we'll have.

But I don't want to get

with random girls,

just so I can get in

a house that I don't...

Balls!

You're killing me, Nick.

- Stop.

- -Hey.

People are trying to study.

- Sorry.

- Look at them go, Nick.

There they go.

Never to be seen again

if you don't pick up your

motherfucking game.

Billy, I've got work to do.

You've got a shot at greatness

and you're throwing it all away,

and Mr. Nick's

gonna be f***ing pissed.

Just go, just... just...

Just go away, please.

- Slither... slither out of here.

- I'm going.

But I'm going

with hope in my heart,

hope, and it's right here,

that you're gonna turn around.

Okay.

Arrivederci!

Hey buddy,

how about the next time

you and, uh, your

boyfriend get in a tiff,

you don't do it in a library.

He's... he's not my...

My boyfriend.

Hey man, no judgment here, okay?

Okay.

There are books on the floor.

Why don't you clean up

after yourself, chief?

- Yeah, sorry.

- Were you raised in a barn?

Bro...

Look at you whining

like a little b*tch.

Get out there.

Come on, Billy's right, okay?

These things do

have a half life,

and these girls

are gonna be moving on.

You gotta keep it up.

By the way, uh, I gotta say,

some good moves the other day.

All right, huddle up, freshmen.

Welcome to Phidelt, everybody.

I'm Adam Welker, president.

Whoo!

Now many of you guys are here,

because you want to join

our fraternity,

and truth be told,

why wouldn't you?

Whoo! Whoo!

If you guys go on

with the pledging process,

you're in for a very interesting

next couple of months.

At the end of which,

we will choose

the very best of you to join

our prestigious fraternity.

Now, the pledging process

is no walk in the park,

but I promise, if you succeed,

Phidelt will be

the best time of your life.

- To Phidelt!

- -To Phidelt!

- To Phidelt!

- Drink that sh*t!

So Nick, where else

did you apply to college?

Williams was my first choice.

If you'd gone to Williams, Nick,

you'd be working all day.

You would have had to put

your life on hiatus.

Dude, that's why

I didn't go to Williams.

- Super gay.

- Yeah, f*** those schools.

They're all work and no fun.

But, I mean, don't you need

to work hard in college,

- I mean, to get a good job?

- Oh, this guy!

- Come on, man, no!

- That's what dads are for.

Do not utter one more word

from that goddamn

f***ing nerd brain of yours.

You tell them exactly what I

tell you to from here on out,

because when you don't

concentrate on my voice,

you say the absolute

worst f***ing thing.

You f***ing lost Ashley, man.

F***ing gone.

When you don't say

what I tell you to,

they'll want nothing to do with you.

You'll see.

Hey guys, then you

should've gone to brown

and taken intro

to dicksucking pass/fail.

All right.

Actually, I prefer their

course, I think it's called

tossing salad in Arabia?

Pass/fail, of course.

I've also heard

that their gender crisis

during the Cuban missile crisis

class is phenomenal.

- He's funny.

- He's a funny man!

No socialists in my house!

I'm not socialist.

I'm from San Francisco.

Outta the way.

Outta the way.

- Outta the way.

- I'm from San Francisco.

Outta the way.

Outta the way.

I'm gonna get you,

San Francisco.

Hey.

- Hey.

- Thought you disappeared.

I was just talking to Adam.

Adam, right.

So you guys like,

you guys like know each other?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I've been spending

a lot of time with the ZBS

and they are very close

to Phidelts.

- So...

- You know, uh,

I'm actually

considering pledging.

- Phidelt?

- Yeah.

You're joking.

They say it looks

great on a resume,

so we'll see.

You know, Nick,

the girls

were talking about you.

Uh, hey, uh,

that was, uh, I'm not like that.

Really? Because that's

not what I heard.

No, I just got out of like,

a three-year relationship.

I'm seriously not into

random hookups.

I promise.

Good.

Chong! Chong! Chong!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hold it, hold it.

One must earn the right

- to use the word "n*gger."

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't say that sh*t,

man, only I can say that.

- All right?

- Birthright!

How do you earn the

right to say it?

Only when you're

our kind of brother,

- will we let you know.

- That is correct.

Now let's carb up,

chitlins, and Xbox.

- Scooch.

- Oh Rosanna, let's go.

This party's dead,

and pike's having a Rager!

Uh...

This is Ashley. And Ashley

goes off with fuckjerry.

That... that's, that's over and

done with, we've had that happen.

Then there's Rosanna,

but, but then, you know what?

Maybe... may...

No, stop.

Shh... please.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Please. Oh, no,

that is not funny.

That is not...

I'm not gonna do that.

Because that's not me, man.

- Nick!

- Billy.

Hi.

Who are you talking to?

Huh.

Oh. Myself.

Look, Billy, I need your help.

- Okay, man.

- All right, okay.

So Rosanna, you know the girl

- I've been telling you about.

- Who?

Rosanna, you know she

plays the piano and...

- No.

- She plays the piano

and... and she's an amazing,

beautiful girl,

and we've had, we've had two

incredible conversations.

Like every time I get so close,

someone comes up

and interrupts it.

Okay, tonight was Amanda,

and then Adam,

Adam walked in the other day,

and he took her off.

I just can't seem

to get a break.

Well man, I told you, bro,

that's what you get

when you're the head

of f***ing Phidelt.

- Everything.

- Apparently.

Let me break this down to you, Mr.

Cooper.

Your nice little girl

is pledging to be a ZB.

Now she cuddled up to you

and was really charming

and made you feel

all warm inside.

And then she moved on

to the head of Phidelt

where she did

the exact same thing.

Now, when you weren't looking,

she turned back to see if her little

game she played on you worked.

And guess what? It did.

Look at you, you're a mess.

Yeah, I know I'm a mess, Billy.

You don't have to tell me,

because I know it.

But I just feel like,

for the first time since,

like, way before I even met

Ashley, and it feels like

- it could be real, you know?

- Dude! Listen to you.

You're talking about

butterflies and electricity.

You sound like an insane person.

That woman is just like

all the others, okay?

And you're gonna see.

You're gonna walk into

this f***ing room

and she's gonna have

three fingers in my ass.

And she's gonna be

sucking on Adam's dick,

and Benjamin, the old guy,

is gonna be filming

- the whole thing.

- She's not like that.

Stop talking about her

like you think

you know her, Billy!

- She's not like that!

- You're living in a dreamland!

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes