Freddy Got Fingered Page #5

You know, eat some food, play some music.

I only have two hands, Betty.

How am I supposed to do all that?

- What?

- Eat food and play music and draw?

- What?

- At the same time?

Oh... yeah.

# Sausages, sausages, sausages

Sausages, sausages, sausages

What in the name of

sweet breakfast meats are you doing?

For your information, I'm being creative.

Betty told me this is what

I need to do to become an artist.

Oh, yeah? Is it working?

I don't know. I can't think of

anything to draw because I'm so stupid!

# I'm so stupid, I'm so stupid

# I'm so stupid, I'm stupid,

I'm stupid, I'm stupid, I'm stupid...

Sh*t. Hey, this is kinda funny, Gord.

- Yeah?

- Maybe you can't see it cos he's your dad...

...but he's a character, your dad.

- He is?

- Yeah.

- He's a character?

- Sh*t. It's your dad.

- # He's a real character, he's a real character

- Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Brody. Goodbye.

- # Sausage, sausage...

- Oh, look, honey. Our boy's a genius.

He's rigged a pulley system so he can eat

sausage and work on his stupid drawings.

I'm being creative. Now, if you'll excuse me,

I still have some work to do.

# Daddy, would you like some sausage?

Daddy, would you like some sausages?

# Daddy, would you like some sausage?

Sausages? Sausages?

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Now, you just get outside

and you just cool off!

If this were Pakistan, you'd have been sewing

soccer balls when you were four years old.

Miserable, deadbeat punk.

I bust my ass working for my family.

You take his side every time.

You want me to cool down?

All right, I'm gonna show you a cool down.

Oh, just keep kissing his ass.

Cool down!

Hey? How's this for a cool down? Agh!

I feel better already.

Aaaagh!

My ramp... Why?

- He's such a stupid loser.

- He's not stupid.

We shouldn't put up with the way

he treats us. I wouldn't stand for it.

If I were you, I would show him

that I deserve respect.

- If I were you, I would go out. I'd have sex.

- Oh, honey. No.

If I were you, I'd go out.

I'd have sex with strange men.

I'd have sex with basketball players.

I'd have sex with Greeks.

Men from Greece.

I'd satisfy my urges.

I'd satisfy my sexual desires.

Gordie, honey, come on.

Let's go in the house.

Come on.

Come on.

- That's my ramp.

- I know.

- He wrecked my ramp.

- I know. It's OK.

- My skateboard ramp.

- I'm sorry.

I had the sausages on my fingers.

I was trying to play piano.

I had the sausages.

I had the sausages and the string.

I was playing the organ,

and then he smashed my half-pipe.

Jim, do you hear what Gord is saying here?

I hear him boohooing about his broken

wheelie-board ramp. Is that what you mean?

Yes, Jim. But do you

understand what he's saying?

Sounds to me like he just wants you

to accept him as your son.

To approve of him

and what he wants to do with his life.

How does that make you feel?

First of all, I don't give a rat's ass

what this punk wants.

As long as he lives in my house

and eats my food, I make the rules.

- I wanna eat chicken burgers.

- You prick.

Jim, don't hurt my baby. Now, sit down.

You're an embarrassment to my family.

Oh, yeah? Well, at least

I don't touch Freddy.

- Say what?

- Excuse me?

Yeah, he touches my little brother. He takes

him behind the furnace and touches him.

- See the insanity I put up with?

- He's embarrassed.

- Jim!

- He touches my little brother.

He...

He... He fingers him.

- You're a goddamn liar.

- Jim! Do you touch him?

Do you finger our boy?

Don't get wacky on me.

What the f*** are we talking about?

Mr. Brody, this is very serious.

Based on what I've heard here today,

I am required by law to notify the authorities.

You hear that, Dad? You're gonna pay!

He's a molester. He's a child molester!

Agh!

You'd better run, you li-aaaaaaar!

... so then we placed a retractor.

This holds the abdominal wall open.

- Hi. Can I help you?

- Uh, yes, you can.

We're here for little Freddy.

I'm Freddy.

Oh.

Well, um...

...Freddy, I'm a doctor.

And we need to take you with us.

What?

- What did I do wrong?

- No. No, you didn't do anything wrong.

That's the most important thing

for you to remember.

It's not your fault your dad fingered you.

What are you talking about?

My dad doesn't finger me.

- Come on, son. We'll take you outta here.

- No! No, I'm not going anywhere.

- My father does not finger me.

- It's over, Freddy.

We'll take you someplace where

your dad won't be able to hurt you any more.

- Officer.

- Come with me, son.

Guys, my dad doesn't finger me.

Are you crazy?

It's OK, Freddy. It's OK.

You'll be safe now.

I'm 25 years old.

Dad?

Dad!

- Dad!

- What are you doing with my boy?

- Help.

- I'll get you a lawyer.

Freddy, no!

- I've never been fingered!

- It's OK, Julie.

Your husband's deeply disturbed and we

won't let him hurt your little boy any more.

I didn't do anything.

What are you looking at, b*tch?

Honey!

Julie!

(# "Microphone Fiend" by Eric B & Rakim)

# I was a fiend, fiend

before I became a teen

# I melted microphones

instead of cones of ice cream

# Music orientated

so when hip-hop was originated

# Fitted like pieces of puzzles, complicated

# Cos I grabbed the mike

and tried to say "Yes, y'all"

# They tried to take it

and say that I'm too small...

- What're you doing?

- Stop it. I'm working on those.

I'm getting 'em ready to show Mr. Davidson.

- Stop it.

- Scared I'm ruining these little sketches?

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it, stop it, stop it! Mickey Mouse!

F*** you, Dad.

F*** me?

Yeah, f*** you.

Do you wanna f*** me?

Is that what you said?

- What?

- Do you want to f*** me?

Huh?

All right, Gord.

Come on over here...

...and f*** me.

Come on, Gord.

Get your ass over here and f*** me.

Just stick it right in here.

- Put your ass away.

- Here. Your sketches, here.

Ooh! Oh!

Holy sh*t, Dad. What are you doing?

Why don't you come on over here

and f*** your daddy?

F***, f***, f***, f***. F*** Daddy.

Hey! Hey!

Julie?

Sweetie?

You, Gordon Brody, you're nothing.

- You're nothing and will always be nothing.

- Dad...

God! I've never been

so ashamed of anything in my life.

Dad.

Julie!

Julie.

# Don't nobody know my troubles but God?

# Oh, lordy, trouble so hard

# Oh, lordy, trouble so hard

# Don't nobody know my troubles but God?

# Don't nobody know my troubles but God?

# Went down the hill the other day

# My soul got happy and stayed all day

# Went down the hill the other day

# My soul got happy and stayed all day

# Oh, lordy, trouble so hard

# Oh, lordy...

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, the hypergolic propellants aren't mixing.

Ah, of course. It's the oxidizer.

Too bad it didn't work, huh?

Oh, hey, Gord. How are

the animations coming along?

Well, see, there's been a change in plans.

I figured, instead of following my dream

of being an animator, I'm just gonna give up.

Why?

Because.

- Because why?

- Cos why shouldn't I?

My dad was right all along. It is stupid.

It's time I grow up and get a job,

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