Fun Mom Dinner Page #7

and, you know,

all the things going on,

it was just never very

conducive to any of that.

But enough about me.

Let's talk about you.

Emily, the bartending lawyer,

who's been married for how many years?

Truth?

- Truth.

- I have been with my

husband since college.

It's boring and predictable, right?

- Uh, no.

If boring and predictable is your thing,

then you're... killing it.

See, it's not so bad.

You get to spend some quality time

with a nightlife entrepreneur,

who's actually kind of a great guy.

- I get it. Your name's on your napkins.

- Ls that a fresh tone?

This is me. I'm gonna get a lighter.

- Oh.

- I'll be back.

- Get out, get out, get out, get out.

Ooh.

- This is pretty weird

that we're all laying in the car together.

- Yeah. But it's kind of fun too, right?

- It's... unexpected.

- Where did you learn that word?

- From Mommy. It's the word of the day.

- Oh, Mommy has a word of the day, huh?

- Daddy, I'm cold,

and it smells like Wyatt's poop in here.

Oh, wow.

Is that what that terrible smell is?

No, I thought it was Andrew.

- You're funny.

- Am I?

Hey, hon.

I'm sorry.

You know, it's my fault

that we are stuck out here,

and I know this is not the kind of thing

that would happen on Mommy's watch.

She's pretty good at this stuff, huh?

- I like it when you're the mommy too

sometimes, Daddy.

You don't know how long I have wanted

To touch your lips and hold you tight

- Whoo!!

- Thank you so much.

You don't know...

- She's incredible, isn't she?

- Yes.

And I was going

To tell you tonight

But the secret is still my own

Have you seen Emily?

Oh but I hope

That it won 't end though

- Bathroom maybe? I'll go check.

Alone

You, I like you.

Get on up here, short-stuff!

Your dreams are about to come true!

- Okay.

Yeah

Yeah yeah

- Luke's gone too.

- What?!

'Till now

I always go by on my own

Have you seen where Emily went?

- No.

I never really cared until I met...

And now it chills me to the bone

I'm gonna do a quick perimeter check.

How do I get you alone

How do I get you...

- Excuse me, where's Luke?

He was here with my friend all night.

Where'd they go?

- They left like 20 minutes ago.

I mean, he said he'd be back, though. But

he did check to make sure I was closing up.

So they're probably...

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

This does not, not seem like her.

She would tell me if she was leaving.

Where'd they go?

- He didn't say.

- I'm gonna... I'm gonna text her.

- I feel like something's wrong.

- You felt like something's wrong

all night. It's gonna be okay.

- She's not responding.

I feel like something's wrong too now.

- What's your name?

- Alfred.

- I'm Melanie. I'd like you to tell me

about your friend, Luke.

Is this a regular thing he does,

leaving the bar with a lady friend?

- He's done it a few times before.

- Great. You're doing a great job.

Cooperation's really key here.

- Thank you.

- I'd like you to go in your purse,

grab your phone, call Luke,

have him bring Emily back right now.

Can you do that?

- I can't.

- You can't?

- He's scary. I can't.

- You don't know me, do you?

- No.

- Jamie here knows me.

- Hi, Jamie.

- Jamie, tell Al what I'm like when I'm mad.

- Call your boss.

- I think you'd like to call your boss,

okay? Because you can cooperate,

or I can have the ATF here in the morning

investigating you serving all these minors.

- We don't serve minors here.

- Oh, is that right?

- No.

- Looks like a Katy Perry meet-and-greet to me.

They will shut this f***ing place down

while they investigate the charge.

You think Luke is gonna like that?

- What are you, a cop?

- You wanna f***ing find out, motherf***er?

- No.

- I didn't think so.

Okay, get on that f***ing phone.

- F*** you.

- Okay, I'll be back.

Are we 100% sure this is trouble?

I mean, they were flirting all night.

- I am telling you, I know Emily.

- Wait! I think I can track her iPhone!

I was setting Instagram up for her earlier.

Let me check.

- Oh, my God.

Are you telling me you can track

somebody else's phone?

- I can pretty much do anything on one of these.

- Oh, yes!

- Well?

- Nope, no answer.

- Well, where does he live?

- I can't tell you.

- Where the f*** does he live?!

- I can't say!!!

- Forget it. I have a

read on where they are.

They're on Flanders

Avenue heading south.

- Okay, ladies, this is really happening.

We're moving out. Let's go.

- Let's go, let's go!

- But wait! Our cars are at the restaurant.

- Um... I can drive you guys.

I've had nothing

but five coconut waters tonight, so...

I'm Barry, by the way.

- I'm Jamie.

- Yeah, I don't think we really got to

introduce ourselves officially, so hello.

- Let's go! Let's move!

- Okay, I got a read.

Now she is off of Flanders,

and she is on to Cabot,

heading west on Cabot.

- Should we call Tom?

- No, no, do not call Tom.

We don't know what we're dealing with yet.

- Oh, guys, you don't know her.

She would not just f***ing run off

with some strange guy.

- Kate, I hate to say it,

but they seemed pretty into each other.

- I got her. She just went left on Pacific.

It looks like they're heading

to the Marina District.

- Okey-dokey.

- Oh, I'm trying her again.

Come on.

Pick up, pick up, pick up-

- Leave me the f*** alone already!

- What?

- That was not her.

- F***, was that her?

- No, no, no. Try her again.

- The signal stopped at the Marina.

- Okay, we're tracking

her, we're closing in,

and we're gonna get out

of whatever situation she's in.

Are you cool? Are you cool?

You're cool, right? You're cool?

Barry, you need to move this motherf***er!

I've been in golf carts faster than this!

Let's go!

- I'm sorry, my foot is cramping up!

I haven't had a banana today.

- A white van. Everybody knows the only people

who drive white vans are serial killers.

- One second, one second,

just got to adjust here. I'm sorry.

- Wait, no, this is not the time.

- No, I can just...

- Oh, Oh, my God!

Barry, just park the f***ing car, man!

- I know, I know.

It's disrespectful to other drivers...

- Nobody's here!

Emily?!

Emily?!

Oh, sh*t.

' Emily!

- Emily?

- Oh, my God.

" Emily?

- Jesus H. Christ.

Is that f***er taking her out in the water?

No, I really don't like this.

- Oh, no, no.

- It's zero dark 30.

Zero dark f***ing 30.

Mission is a go.

Your love is like a tidal wave

Spinning over my head...

Holy sh*t.

Drownin' me in your promises

better left unsaid

You're the right kind of dreamer...

- That woman is certifiable.

- I got you, motherf***er!

- No.

She's incredible.

She's got our six.

She's saving my friend.

Wait.

My friend.

You're a heartbreaker

Dream maker

- Unbelievable! Here!

- Oh!

- Grab on! You can do it!

A love taker

Come on, I got you!

I got you, come on.

Come on, come on.

- Holy sh*t.

It's f***ing freezing.

- You are one gutsy b*tch.

- Oh, no.

- I wish you'd consider

co-chairing the Spring Auction with me.

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