Fun Size Page #3

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Ba-b-b-b-b-b!

Speak the Greek language.

It's ancient Greek.

It's just this fun thing we...

I would like to use the car.

What's going on?

You were right about the Nair.

My God, my ass is killing this cat.

Please?

No way!

Let's go!

- It was so nice to meet you two.

- Bye, Mrs. Leroux.

Bye, Mrs. Leroux.

What was that about?

I don't know.

We should have breastfed longer.

Honey.

Tolstoy! Jackie! Kitty down!

We have a kitty down!

What happened?

It's my fault.

I completely blanked on

the ancient Greek for "seatbelt."

So now what do we do?

We drive really, really carefully.

Okay, Spidey, I don't know

if you know about super-spy missions,

but the key here

is the element of surprise.

We must be very, very, very stealthy.

There's Lara's place right up there.

We had a lot

of good times in that apartment.

I mean, not like that.

Well, like that, just not because of that.

Special. You know what I mean?

Do you?

Okay.

All right, well, you know,

she didn't think so, because

she started sharing intimacies

with this mixed martial arts guy.

Big, scary guy called Jrgen.

You know,

the two rock dots over the "o"?

He has this huge tattoo on his arm

of this dragon smoking a cigarette,

which I personally find redundant

because I don't see why a dragon

would smoke a cigarette.

It doesn't make any sense.

You know what I'm saying?

Dragons have smoke in their body.

It's part of being a dragon.

Not to mention if he's got dragon kids.

Smoking around dragon kids?

I don't know.

Time for vengeance, Spidey. Yeah!

Okay, man, get pumped, here we go!

Let's do this.

Aw, what?

I'm gonna have to get a little bit closer.

You might wanna put your mask on

because we're about to commit

a very serious crime.

I mean, you're a minor,

still, but, you know,

these days, they execute minors.

Okay. All right. Here we go.

Let's play.

Yeah!

Direct hit, Spidey!

Yeah!

All right.

No, that's a fire.

There's a fire. It's all on fire.

Get the hose! Spidey, get the hose!

No!

No.

What have I done?

Fuzzy?

Lara?

What the hell?

Who the hell are you?

Lara!

Kill him, baby! Kill him!

This went horribly wrong.

Whoa. Right there.

- This is a nightmare!

- Come here!

Run, Spidey! Go! Save yourself!

Meet me at the car!

Get him!

You're dead.

What? Come on! No!

What is going on?

Wait. Wait, Spidey! Spidey!

Spidey!

He really loves that candy.

- Fuzzy?

- Lara!

Thank God. Please,

you gotta help me get my car back.

Why should I give a crap what happens

to your lame car?

Because there's

an eight-year-old boy inside.

That's messed up.

It's not what you're thinking.

We checked the mini-mart

and the arcade.

The comic book store is closed.

I know. Let's go to Captain Chicken.

Albert lives for that stuff.

Really? Despite all the trans fat?

I know a place where we can ask

No, April, for the hundredth time,

we are not going to Aaron Riley's.

You know, to be honest,

I don't really get all

the hype about Aaron.

Well, A, he's gorgeous,

and B, please refer to A.

Pump it up, bro!

Let's get some tunes going!

Hey, stop.

Only the pilot touches the controls.

This is the most fun I've ever had.

Chicks dig music, bro.

Stop messing!

Fantastic! You broke the stereo!

No big deal. Just put the knob back on!

Yeah. Seriously,

Peng, just give me the knob!

I don't have the knob, Roosevelt!

I think it's over here!

Find the knob! Do not touch my leg!

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

where are you going?

You said Captain Chicken.

Yeah, from a side street. Not the strip!

I want out!

My God!

This is where cool people hang out.

We are officially losers!

I want out!

Let me out of this nerd ship!

Rule 6C, child safety locks...

Get us out of here, Roosevelt!

Where do you want me to go?

God!

No! Here comes the uplifting chorus!

Okay, we're almost there.

Hang on, guys.

What's happening?

What?

It's ancient Greek for broken alternator.

They tried telling me.

Move the babe magnet, asswad!

Yeah, asswad!

What's up, b*tches?

Why don't you get out

of that honky-ass truck

and come at me like a man?

Start the car, Roosevelt.

Start it! Start the car!

I'm trying. Why must you

always be so confrontational?

Sorry, man.

You know how jacked up I get

the night before a debate.

My God. It's my mom.

Holy crap, that's Mike Puglio.

He's the wedgie king.

Don't answer it!

She's gonna think that something's up.

Something is up.

Hulk like kitty.

- Hey.

- Here, kitty, kitty.

Hey, Mom.

- Hi, hon. How's it going?

- It's going. It's going great.

Exactly as you would

want it to go, so that's good.

Hey! Nice wig, Grandma!

What was that?

That was Albert's horror film.

Doctor's orders.

Yeah.

Hey, Joy. Guess what?

No.

Classic Brueder!

- Step out of the banana wagon!

- Sorry, Mom!

Hands full with putting Albert to bed.

But it's all under control, though,

so you stay out!

Stay out and have fun!

Stay out very late, okay?

What is going on over there?

That's a very, very good pantomime.

Wren, can you hear me?

Do you do theater?

All right, love you. Bye.

- Wait, wait, wait!

- Hulk smash!

- Punch it! Go!

- Go!

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

That guy

is getting a serious wedgie!

Evasive maneuvers! Hard right!

Hard right!

Dude, where'd they go?

Roosevelt, roll down the window.

Welcome to Captain Chicken.

What be your ahr-derrr?

Have any fat, one-armed

Spider-Men been through here?

Hey, there, little guy.

Where's your family?

Hey! We're gonna be late.

Cover charge goes up in 15 minutes.

Okay.

Look, I got to go,

but I'm not leaving you here by yourself.

You got lD?

I'm just kidding. Come on.

I'm Galaxy Scout. You must be Spidey.

Do you like to dance?

My God.

What are we listening to?

That's my moms'

favorite musical.

Dad? Unlock me.

April, I need your help.

You are my best friend!

Which is why it's my duty

to tell you you are one more

nerd music jam away

from total social suicide!

Bye.

What? Peng!

Stop her! Grab her legs!

I got her! I got her!

Get off of me!

Not tonight. Nothing tonight.

Okay, let me go and I'll let you

touch my boob for 10 seconds.

- Thirty!

- Fifteen.

Twenty and I can pick a cold day.

- Done.

- Ha!

April, come on,

get back in, seriously.

Watch out!

Gotcha, perds!

Thought you ditched us,

didn't you, fartbreath?

They look so mad.

Inside voices, inside voices!

Jump the curb.

I have this.

I did not have it.

Roosevelt, I'm so sorry.

I'll tell your moms it was all my fault.

I made you do it!

No, you didn't make me do anything.

I wanted to.

Really?

You wanted to spend your Halloween

driving all over town

in a rolling "Kick Me" sign?

You wanted to get violated

by a giant pirate bird?

You losers have ruined our social lives!

Peng!

Let's go back to the car.

I can't breathe.

What the...

Wait. Peng.

He's packing heat!

What's he doing?

Hang on there,

little buddy, all right.

You got to give me a fighting chance.

Let's settle this like gentlemen.

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